A morning full of sensory surprises

Today’s festivities started shortly after I opened my eyes.

I’m wrapped up in my favorite blanket, nice and warm, snuggling a pillow. Those were my first thoughts. A nice way to wake up, to be sure. I reached over with my right hand, and tossed the pillow I had been snuggling behind me, as I prepared to get out of bed and start the day.

My next thought was, “What the hell is this?” I looked at my left arm, and saw it bent in an unusual angle. it looked like it was broken. No sweat. I straightened out my arm, and got out of bed.

Actually I didn’t. My arm wouldn’t move. Not even a little bit. Apparently, I had managed to pinch off the blood supply, and my arm was still comatose. There’s nothing quite as freaky to me as that was. I sat up, and got out of bed, my left arm dangling and flopping like a dead snake attached to my shoulder.

Shortly thereafter, the pins and needles started. It was as if I was getting some kind of crazy acupuncture torture. Yeek!

I head downstairs, to go to the kitchen and grab a drink. As I cross the threshold into the kitchen, I plant my foot directly in a cold, wet dog poo.

Now, damnit, I paid a contractor good money a couple years ago to cut a damn near human sized hole in my exterior wall, so that my beloved mutt can get in and out of the house as she pleases. She NEVER does her business inside!

I look down, and it’s not a poo. Jake, my 15 month old son, apparently saw fit to discard the remainder of his breakfast banana there. I cleaned it up, asked my dog why she won’t eat bananas when everything else is fair game, and headed upstairs to the computer.

Did I mention I wasn’t yet dressed? That’s vital information. As I settled into my computer chair, I managed somehow to sit directly upon my testicles.

If this day gets any better, I don’t know what I’ll do with myself.


My morning was much more delightful…but a bit of background is required.

Tuesday, my tooth became sensitive to heat and cold. Made the morning coffee a delight…but without the morning coffee, I’m not a delight. It wasn’t really hurting, but it was sensitive enough that I whined all day, then proceeded to call the dentist. Who just managed to fit in an appointment for me this morning.

Ok-but it’s not going to be anything major. Truly-I mean, I’ve had temporary fillings in two teeth in that area for 2 years with no problems.

So, this morning I wake up-later than normal because I’m not going into the office until after the appointment. It’s delightfully chilly in my apartment and warm under my covers. And I’ve slept enough for a change.

Around 8:30, I proceed to the dentist. They take some x-rays and I then have not one, but two root canals on adjoining teeth.

Now, I’m at home, debating whether to go into the office. I think I won’t, because it takes an hour to get there, plus my boss told me to go ahead and stay home for the rest of the day when I called this morning from the office to inform them that I was going to have a root canal.

Now, the novocaine is wearing off. I still have a slightly numb feeling to that side of my mouth…but it’s interspersed with jabs of pain. Not intense pain, but that “I’m going to swell and ache tonight” pain.

I think I need advil and a nap. And no work. Hell, I can call it a sick day.

There are so many responses to that running through my head, it’s awfully difficult to choose just one.

This is because you are female and have (if I can go out on a limb here) never experienced it for yourself.

Otherwise, you’d understand that the only proper response is [sub][wince]Oh, dude. Ow. Sucko.[/wince][/sub]

Who cares about today? Just concentrate on tomorrow!!! :wink:

(The sitting-on-the-nuts thing just had to hurt though. Sorry dude.)

Dude, you just sat on them? A number of years ago I was riding the antique roller-coaster at Vancouver’s PNE, and at the crest of a hill, I went up about a 3/4 of a foot off the hard wooden seat, and then slammed back down on my naughty bits with considerable force. The rest of the ride was sort of a blur.