Am seeing ads in the subway and on TV for a new pill! It’s called “Levitra!” And nowhere in the print or TV ads do they give you any idea what it’s supposed to cure or enhance! The print ads have a flame-type graphic—leading one to believe it cures either indigestion or spontaneous combustion. “Ask your doctor for Levitra!”
“Hey, doc—I have an upset tummy and I keep bursting into flames; can I have that new pill?”
“You mean the purple one?”
“Naw, the one with the cute name!”
Of course, yes, I googled it and found out it’s for impotence . . . But what’s the deal with all these ads for pills? “It’s purple, you better take it!” “It’s a new pill! Get it quick or you’re dead!”
There are some serious restrictions on how you can advertise prescription drugs - basically, if you’re going to talk about the benefits, you also have to list a whole ton of side effects during the commercial. Viagra has the best of both worlds because everyone knows what that’s for. No confused viewers going “Huh? Why would I need that drug?” and no list of unpleasant-sounding potential side effects.
They’re hoping enough people will get curious and look it up, and then tell others what it’s about.
Yeah, I hated all those commercials about the purple pill, because they were never allowed to tell you what it was for, or else then they’d list all the side effects, some of which are much worse than heartburn (like DEATH)
The name Levitra kinda freaks me out because I associate it with a magician making someone levitate, in which they rise but remain horizontal all the same. The thought of a horizontal penis creeping up in my drawers just gives me the willies.
My husband and I were laughing at the commercial where some guy was having trouble throwing a football through a rope-swing tire, and then finally started making it. We started coming up with sarcastic commercial taglines - “Having trouble getting it in the hole?”
(Then again, when the “What’s changed about you, Bob?” commercials come on, and people start offering possibilities like hair color, lost weight, etc., we instead try to come up with as many euphemisms for erections as we can. “Tenting, Bob?” We’re easily amused.)
Is that that Iron Mike dude that was talking about it ESPN the other day? (I don’t watch ESPN on my own, because I hate televised sports, but my roommate was watching and when I heard the words “erectile dysfunction,” I knew it was going to be good.) A friend of mine said, “They should call him Silly Putty Mike instead.”
But it’s really hilarious when they list all the side effects and you get like, social anxiety drugs that give you flatulence and exlosive diarrhea.
BTW, what’s with the lame “let the dance begin” slogan for Viagra? I mean, just because “like a rock” was already taken…
Jeez, they sure want a wad of cash for a woody don’t they? $94 for 4 pills! That’s $23.50 per stiffie. Whoda thunk men would be willing to pay that much for what they once had to use their algebra book to cover up in high school?
As allergies are concerned, I’m a dust, ragweed pollen, cat-dander person – who met a cat person. Usually I’d have the balls to tell her that she can either lose the f@#king cat or get lost herself, but then I found Levitra.
Since I’ve started using Levitra I’m still deathly allergic to her stupid, stinking, apathetic, craps-in-the-house cat, but my testicles have now shrunk to the size of raisins, depriving me of testosterone and the much-needed masculinity I need to stand up to her and her stupid cat.
Why, Here I am reading the paper, and this stupid waste of fur comes walking in and sits on the paper as I’m reading it. Do I do the natural thing and bash it’s stupid arrogant head against the wall? Nope! Thanks to Levitra!
And here I am doing yardwork on my day off, and this furry waste of protein sits on my wheelbarrow, free of fear of ending up in the woodchipper thanks to Levitra!
Here’s my girlfriend making me wear a t-shirt she had printed with that godamned cat on it – and I’m wearing it, and not killing her and her cat and burning the apartment down to make it look like a tragic accident… thanks to Levitra!
