A New Evil Is Upon Us: Hello Kitty Haiku Contest

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Yes, I was lured into the pretty, pink world of the cat with no mouth Store yesterday.

Hypnotized by the crack that is filtered in through the system, I made my purchase and noticed this little gem:

Hello Kitty’s Haiku Contest Official Entry Form

Create a haiku of everyone’s favorite pussy about what she is doing in picture A ( standing on a beach at sunset/sunrise with a surf board at the ready though it could be a missile, its in the shadows. and Picture B, Sliding down a slide.
What else do you have to do on a Friday night but drink, cruise the boards and make up Hello Kitty Haiku’s.
Here is my first effort:

Hello Kitty Dear
Rainbow Sweet Wholesomey Good
Spawn of the devil.

2

There are Hello Kitty Waffle Irons that imprint everyone’s favorite pussy onto the pancake batter for the low,low price of $54.

3

A:
Surf’s up sweet Kitty
Become one with the ocean
Where’s that shark, he’s late!

B:
Slide, Hello Kitty
On a path of razor blades
Kitty hash for lunch

4

Apostate of Hell
oh feline monstrosity —
bow around your ear.

5

Honolulu dusk.
Sayonara, kitty in
every store window.

6

Lame hello kitty
Real kitties eat dead rodents
Leaving me the heads

7

Mouthless, she mutters,
“Hello Kitty, goodbye soul.”
Adjusts her bow, laughs.

8

2-D mouthless cat
harbinger of J-pop fads
aren’t you cheesy yet?

9

Ambassador of
Cute conformity, you rise
Like the sun, brightly.

Hello kitty! I
Want to run away. But there
Is nowhere to go.

Hello Kitty tam-
pons and vibrators. Your shi-
ny world has shadows.

(Yes, I know that one is off-kilter. That’s not an accident.)

Pink fuzzy cuteness.
Everyone regresses. We
Can no longer fight.

I want to smother
Pink Kitty’s vapidity.
A pillow here please.

Years of writing Devilbunny stories has trained me for this fight. :slight_smile:

10

Kitty’s on surfboard,
A tsunami approaches –
Water is your foe.

Slide down this nice board!
Sure, we’re in Phoenix at noon,
But it’s a dry heat!

11

I, Pochacco, am
Cuter than that fucking cat!
(Props to Badtz Maru.)

12

I lament losing
pretty kitty vibrator.
Oh, the shame and tears.

13

Oh glucose temptress,
causing insulin coma.
Bite my honky ass.

14

Sunscreen lathered tramp,
swathed in pink perversity.
Mary Kay hates you.

15

All for little girls
Hello Kitty! is a trap
To brainwash females

16

God made deep blue ocean
God made red of sunset
Pink kitty spoils view
Real cat not pink
Real cat hates slide
Real cat rip out Hello Kitty’s eyes

17

One Hello Kitty
One 1920’s style death ray
Makes Goodbye Kitty

18

Slash the “one” out your second line and you’re in the pattern…

Hello Kitty sucks
Grotesque mouthless cat beast DIE
Badtz maru kicks ass

19

Hello Kitty gone
Room for just one on this board
Hi there, Opal Cat!

20

I pet Kitty’s fur,
so very soft and cuddly
Glad I skinned the corpse