A new twist on collecting money at weddings: heard of this one?

In My Humble Opinion
1

I will just start off by acknowledging that what I am about to describe is *incredibly *tacky and in bad taste. What I want to know is if anyone has ever heard of this idea before, or if it was a new and original way to be tacky.

A woman I have known for years is about to get married today. She and the groom have been living together for at least a year, I forget how long. They are chronically unemployed and I think they might live on her disability. They each have a child; the groom’s kid lives with them part-time. The wedding today is being done on the cheap but everything IMO looks quite nice (I helped with set-up earlier today) and a lot of people are pitching in with time, lending items, bringing food and whatnot.

Last night around 8.30 we got a phone call from the 11yo son (a sweet boy who has some neurological issues, if that helps). In a deadpan delivery, he momentarily scared the pants off my husband by saying that the bride had been kidnapped and they needed to raise ransom money, could we donate to help them get enough money. He was being coached from behind, so my husband asked to talk with whoever it was–it was the groom, who said it was a fun joke money-collecting effort with friends. Since the groom knows perfectly well that we have been unemployed for several months (first day of work yesterday, woo!), my husband just said no, we couldn’t spare any money.

This morning I talked with friends about it. They had also gotten the call–it appears that they called everyone in our congregation, and they had tried to raise $1000 for ‘ransom.’ They had asked one woman to help with doing the calls and she had said no. My daughter’s good friend, age 10, had been the one to answer the phone at her house and was quite scared.

At the set-up, the groom told me cheerfully that he was sorry they had scared my husband, and when I replied that he was pretty freaked out, he said “Yeah, I think a lot of others were too.” But there was no recognition that that might be because it was a really bad idea. He’s not the brightest crayon in the box, though. Nice guy, means well, just not quite all there.

OK, so now that I’ve got all that off my chest, has anyone ever heard of staging a bridal ‘kidnapping’ and calling around for ransom money the night before the wedding?? Who does that?

(And now I have to go get a gift card or some cash for a wedding present, though my husband is not in the mood to give them anything at all. They do not need stuff, they need money to live on, so I think most people are doing either cash or cards.)

2

I have heard of ‘kidnapping’ local celebrities to raise money for a charity, but never for a wedding.

Seems odd.

3

Just charging admission would be classier.

4

I have also heard of this being used to raise funds for charity. This is a weird twist on that.

5

Sounds like a bad joke, with a bad delivery. Might have been ok if it was done by the funny charismatic brother in law to be (who’s voice everyone knew), but the dead pan 11y.o. reading a script. Not so much.
One of those ‘best of intentions’ scenarios.

6

Dear God, no, I have never heard of such a thing. I hope the two people involved came up with this all on their lonesome, and didn’t read about it on some horrible wedding advice blog or something.

7

On the other hand, I do hope they read this somewhere else and decided to give it a go. 'cause otherwise that is some really bad ‘creative thinking’. Ugh.

And no, had never heard of this kind of thing until now.

8

In rural Germany there is a tradition of “kidnapping” the bride, but that is done at the reception. Mind you, I have never attended a wedding were this was likely to happen and sincerely hope that I never will, but from stories I hear this is how it goes:

The best man and some of his mates (or maybe the biggest young male lowlifes in the wedding party) abduct the bride to a local pub, whereupon the groom has to search the town for her, and when he finally finds them in whatever bar they’re hiding, pay the tab for his “friends”, who have meanwhile been getting pretty drunk. Like I said, never experienced first hand, but I’m sure it’s a hoot for everyone at the party. :rolleyes:

9

A friend of mine says she knows a couple that did this. $250/head, presumably in lieu of gifts or cash. My reaction was a big ol’ WTF…

10

The difference was that when raising funds for charity, the plan is usually publicized before the event so everyone knows what’s going on, and people show up knowing about it and planning to donate money.

This is just plain appalling.

11

The polite reply…

My wife and I, as well as our 3 children think you are great, but not $1,250 worth, we wish you happiness.

12

To answer your question, no, I have never heard of this custom. Thank Og.

13

Get them a card with the following message:

“Money’s short, times are hard – here’s your fucking wedding card.”

Don’t give them one red cent. That’s seriously fucked up.

14

They did this at my friend’s wedding. She’s Hungarian.

Someone kidnapped her from the reception and stuck her in a corner somewhere, and anyone who wanted to could donate to ransom her back.

I think she was a little put out that I noticed she was missing before her (now ex) husband did…

The way this was done was just horrible though.

15

I wouldn’t even give them “best intentions” - their intention was to extort money from friends and family. “Appalling” seems like the right word for this. I would have to seriously consider going to their wedding the next day and the future of our friendship.

16

I’ve seen things like this for charity donations, but the idea of *that *as a wedding money-raising prank beggars belief.

17

Never heard of this - it’s a whole new low in tacky…

18

Absolutely disgusting. It would be disgusting for charity too. Kidnapping for laughs and cash. Mmmm, classy.

Charging for admission is less odious, but $250? Are you serious? For a meal and some dancing? Look, I’m sorry if that’s what the cost of your wedding works out to be per guest, (I mean, you’re not looking to make a profit on this, are you?) but I’m not the one who chose all these fancy doodads, so I shouldn’t be obligated to subsidize them.

19

I heard about it on Etiquette Hell.

20

And you thought the dollar dance was tacky.