I can see how this practice could be a fun thing for everyone involved…if everyone knew about it beforehand, and IF this was instead of all other presents. It could be a fun game, especially if the perps did things like leave a clue to where the bride is when the ransom gets to a certain amount. OK, if the ransom hits $250, someone could burst in, and say “She was getting ready and she got a call to meet her GF at <local hangout>”. Everyone goes to the hangout, and more money is collected, and then someone at the hangout (not part of the party) suddenly remembers “I saw her leaving in a <description> car, and heard them saying that they were going to <another hangout>”.
The way they did it, though, it seems like they were only trying to get as much cash as possible, and they managed to alienate a lot of people in the way they did it.
The last wedding I was at happened to have a guest from Germany and we got to talking and I asked her what traditional things may happen at a German wedding that we didn’t do here or did do.
She explained that the groom’s friends would kidnap the bride during the reception but not for cash. Just a prank on them. Usually she would be held at the nearest bar or just in another room. If the groom’s friends are jerks they may really move her.
Also, the bride and groom would sell ‘something’. Usually flowers. This is a money deal. They work the room selling roses and people buy them. They can be anything and sometimes it is even underpants.
My dad and his cousins did this (1940s). They drove one bride to Milwaukee from the northern suburbs. But calling the night before the wedding? To raise money? I don’t know if I’d go to the wedding the next day in case they locked the doors until I contributed more.
My (former) sister-in-law was “kidnapped” at the reception, but there was no money involved.
She had all the men in the wedding wearing weird poet’s shirts, purple sashes, swords, and boots. They all complained that they were being forced to dress like weird pirates, and the groom kept insisting that it was not a pirate outfit. So at the reception, they put on eyepatches and bandanas, ran in, picked up the bride (chair and all), and ran out of the tent with her. Her new husband pulled out his own pirate accoutrements (totally coincidentally purchased), ran out, and “rescued” her himself.
A good time was had by all. But they still got divorced less than two years later.
You win. Consensus among friends is that she’ll want to have a baby and will take the wedding as ‘permission’ so to speak. I thought common sense would rule that out, but my ticked-off friend pointed out they don’t have any. Good point.
The teenaged babysitter’s dad is a cop. He was ready to go arrest the groom for extortion. I think his wife talked him down, but we had a good laugh picturing it…
This is, btw, the groom’s 5th wedding. I thought it was 4th, but apparently not. He has 4 kids, she has 1.
We kidnapped our friends’ mothers at their reception and took them outside to do shots while my friends answered questions about each others’ obscure relatives to get them back. “Stealing the bride” is fairly common in Finnish weddings, although usually the ransom isn’t money but some task the groom has to do.
If you want money, ask for money. Another couple I know put up a website detailing their dream honeymoon and asked people to contribute towards that. That’s fine with me: I know what you want, I can do something about it. Plus something like that still gives the opportunity to give something other than money if you really want to (like a guide book or a gift card to a hotel or something).
Calling the night before and mooching, though? No way.
I’m reasonably sure that it would likely be illegal in Spain, but IANAL so I can’t list the whole rollcall of charges. “Scaring the beejesus out of people” and “extortion”, for starters.
They aren’t really friends of mine, though I’ve known the bride for years. They go to the same church as we do. So members of the congregation try to support them and help them out (hopefully in making healthy choices) and also draw boundaries and make it clear that they can’t just have whatever they ask for. Their issues are so convoluted and difficult that they can’t be solved.
I was “kidnapped” by my husband’s groomsmen. But just to a nearby bar for a drink and “initiation.” Which involved them telling me stories about him getting into trouble (most of which I knew) and me being returned to the reception about an hour later. No money exchanged hands.
I’ve never heard of kidnapping as a method to extort money from guests.
No, it wasn’t a real one. I can’t recall who did the kidnapping but she was just in an alcove upstairs. She’d given me a heads up before the wedding but I didn’t clue in until I was wandering around looking for her to tell her something and realized she was ‘missing’. I finally clued in the groom by asking if he’d seen her.. about half an hour after she was ‘taken’.
I’m surprised there’s only two links to such a story on Etiquette Hell.
It’s stories such as the ones on that web site for which I want all nonprofessional entertainments (as in: anybody other than the band) to be cleared in advance with someone trusted. And NO FUNDRAISERS.
