Trump doesn’t have hair, he’s wearing a caterpillar.
I’ve usually heard a trained (or dead) marmoset is to blame.
But we know
It’s his own damned fault 
Trump yard sale sign.
I only have one suggested edit to Mr. Cleese’s list:
He doesn’t practice genocide … at least not yet.
Although I’m sure he wouldn’t mind if all Democrats suddenly disappeared by whatever means necessary.
Trump 1-5-24 rally gets canceled by the venue, an Evangelical school:
Gawd. More of this, please!
According to the linked item, Dordt University wanted a town hall format, with Trump fielding questions from students. The Trump campaign, however, wanted a rally format. So, Dordt cancelled Trump, who will be holding a rally in some other venue.
Whatsamatter, Donnie? Afraid you might get asked uncomfortable questions?
Maybe someone will ask him what the cause of the Civil War was…
He’ll say it was Nicki Haley.
He has great powers of divination.
Whatever the cause, Trump will remind us that many died trying to defend airports during the Civil War.
That was earlier. Jeez, get your “history” straight!: Trump Says Revolutionary War Troops 'Took Over the Airports' | TIME
But, to be fair to Trump, the airports were crucial to Lincoln’s nuclear bombing of Atlanta.
Trump: The what war? I didn’t pay attention in school.
Yes, exactly, those damn rebels who wouldn’t bend the knee to the King took all the airports, so the Properly Aristocratic Southern Men of Property and slaves had to take them back!
Well, we had them during the Revolutionary War, we have them now, I assume that they didn’t disappear in between.
Where else would Abe Lincoln park his personal jet?
‘Something, something, Captain Un-American, something something Tommy Stark.’