Roses are red
Violets are blue
You dumped the trash
Now I’m dumping you
DO NOT KICK HIM DIRECTLY TO THE CURB.
Continue to observe his behavior. Take voluminous notes. Write a sitcom about him. THEN kick him to the curb. He sounds hilariously funny.
I’m gonna go against the grain here, and say that despite all of his shortcomings (and don’t forget that every single person has plenty of idiosyncracies that drive others up the proverbial wall) you sound like you love him heaps.
He may be a bit dumb sometimes, and he may do strange dances when the trashman comes, but really, are they the worst things in the world?
Your OP and your latter post came across to me as mild bewilderment that you could possibly be with someone like him, but it also conveyed a sincere loving for him. That’s what relationships are all about. Rejoice in your love for this man. 
And keep us posted about his latest antics. 
I agree with kambuckta. Bet you feel better after letting off some steam, though, hoosier mama. BTW – love your user name.
It sounds like despite the stuff he does that drives you crazy, there is some chemistry.
I can’t help but note that you seem to equate your relationship with him as one of your pets, because you kind of use language people use to describe animals, particularly pet animals. When you talk about the guy, its almost like you’re talking about your pet dog. Kind of weird.
“You are an idiotic, slimy piece of cunt muscle.”
No, it doesn’t sound at all to me like she loves him. She did say she cared for him, but that’s not the same as love. I’d be willing to bet that she does have some attachment to him, but that she’s not in love with him.
She said that to herself. Because she’s still with him.
But you’re not, hoosier mama. You’ve just woken up. What went before isn’t necessarily an indicator of your “dumbness.” Everybody can get complacent. Change is hard. Good luck to you.
Bullshit. You’re not pitting yourself, you’re pitting him. Which is sad, because you were on the rebound, you initiated the relationship, you got what you wanted from him, and once you’re ready to move on, now you notice he’s a “leech on the world’s oxygen supply”. Do both of you a favor, and end it sooner rather than later. If you honestly have that little respect for him, you’re no better for him than he is for you.
This bears repeating.
Hoosier Mama, you’re the funniest poster to come around in a long while. I like the “slimy piece of cunt muscle” insult, although I don’t think you should apply it to yourself.
I don’t have much advice. I stayed with a dummy for a long time too, and I even had a kid with him. He wasn’t quite as dense as your guy, but he might be when he gets older.
That said, if you really feel so much animosity towards him, it’s mean to keep him around just to laugh at him and tell him he’s dumb. But, if you love him, then maybe you can get past all this (although it sounds like it would be a hard thing to get past).
Good luck, and definitely keep us posted.
I laughed so hard at this, I almost passed out. And then I saw “The trash men are coming, hee-hee, ha-ha.” You’re killing me! And then the housecoat and Eeyore slippers. Stop it–I’m laughing so hard I can’t breathe!!!
This is one of the best stories I’ve heard in a long time. Are you a professional writer? If not, you should be!
In your list of reasons to stay with him, 1 1/2 is very important. If your animals like him, there must be something good about him.
ME
Ask yourself this…
If you woke up tomorrow with an infinite amount of courage, what would you do?