Johnny-I don’t have it in me to make a jackass of myself like that.
Senegoid-No new rule, just my personal preference.
Slithy-I totally appreciate what we have, I’m 34, and want someone to be with and I plan to lay how I feel out there (e-mail), so need need to “put me to sleep”.
*Fifteen years *you’ve been lusting after her, unrequited? This chick hasn’t been into you, ever. Holy shit, why are you doing this to yourself? If you still have feelings for her, do yourself a favor and stop. If you can’t, then sever.
Wow.
Option 1: Treat her like dirt. She’ll be coming on to you before the night is over.
Option 2: Have her pretend to be the GF you are breaking up with. Other women will be coming on to you before the night is over.
Option 3: Treat her like a friend.
Well, be sure to keep us updated!
(and I say this not as a supportive friend, but as a bitter, defeated little man whose only validation is through schadenfreude 
)
I WILL keep you guys posted!
Life is too short. I would let her know your feelings. If she isn’t interested, she will still be your friend if you want to keep torturing yourself.
But she knows his feelings already. They’ve been friends for a long, long time and he’s made his feeling known once before. I don’t care how long ago it was, once something like that is uttered, it changes the nature of a relationship forever. She hasn’t forgotten.
Slithy Tove’s post wins the thread award of excellence. Well said.
I’m confused. Has she specifically said she’s going “as your friend”? As in, she made clear to you that this was a platonic date?
If she said that right out, she has no interest in you. Do not pursue further.
It was a long time ago. Maybe she has changed. The poor guy needs to deal with it.
If you don’t think you can go to the wedding with this friend without spending it wishing she were your something more - do both of you a favor and don’t take her. From the sound of it I’d say it’s a very bad idea.
Disclosure: I have more men friends than women and in general appreciate their company more. I’ve had relationships with men I was friends with first, but have had far more friendships with men where I adore them and their company but have zero romantic interest with no hope of that changing. I’ve also had many male friends that I know would date me in a hot second if I were interested - but they treat me with respect and as their friend, accepting what I have to offer without asking for [or expecting!] more. I walk a fine line sometimes but because I’ve always been a guy’s gal it is somewhat easy for me. The desperate wanting vibe from a male friend would make me terribly uncomfortable and be the first step toward ending the friendship.
Curiosity-You’re probably right that takinbg her is a bad idea.
Thanks all for your advice.
Sorry, etv. I do not envy your position, but I am afraid you may be setting yourself up with the wedding invitation. I hope whatever you do you have a wonderful, stress-free time filled with fun and celebration.
And hitting on her when he knows she’s not interested (I believe she said “as friends”), is a bad idea.
I once spilled my guts to a chick and then, six months later had her accompany me to a good friend’s wedding as my platonic “date”. It can be done, but…
[ol]
[li]you need to have her firmly in the “friendship” box in your head, not the “potential SO” box[/li][li]if anything, this is a good opportunity to assure her that there is no weirdness and you indeed can “just be friends”, but you must sincerely believe that yourself[/li][li]have fun, do not treat her as a quasi-GF, mingle, and don’t be afraid to engage in conversation with any single ladiez there–in fact, I encourage the latter in this situation[/li][/ol]
Any action between the two should be just as kosher if it was with a male friend. No flirting, no hand-holding, etc. And if she flirts with you, ignore it.
Sent an e-mail, explaining what’s in my heart, going to bed. Will tell you her response (once I have it, and have probably stopped crying)
You know, if she’s really a friend, she’ll understand.
[[[[[[[[[[etv78]]]]]]]]]]]
You sound like a few guys I’ve known when you say this:
So – and I hope I’m not being too impolite, here, but this might help you with other women in the future – you understand that this is a pretty good description of why she wouldn’t want to go out with you?
If you’re so fragile that you’d be shattered by just not being friends with her, what would happen if you two dated and it didn’t work out? And given that the majority of dating situations don’t end with lifelong commitment, why would she want to set herself up for that ugly scene?
Next time you ask a woman out, do everything you can to make it clear that if she says ‘no’, you won’t be hurt or crying or anything other than at most mildly disappointed because it could have been fun (but there are lots of other fun people in the world). And you should also be making it clear that if she says ‘yes’ but afterwards says no to a second (or third) date, you’ll be reacting exactly the same way. And frankly, if you don’t think you can muster up that attitude, then walk away and ask someone else out.
This was pretty much the worst thing you could have done.