A female friend, whom I wish were more, has agreed to accompany me to my sister’s wedding “as my friend”. Any advice on how to tread the line she has set up?
Well, my first bit of advice would be not to ask her. Good rarely comes out of going on date-like excursions when one person is interested and the other is not. But it’s too late for that now.
So instead do this. Assuming you two are genuinely close friends, treat her as your wingman. Get her to help you be more outgoing with whatever women you meet at the wedding. Do NOT, in any way, act as if she is an actual romantic date; this will make her regret going with you in the first place. (I am assuming she knows you are interested in her and has rebuffed your advances.) If there are no women at the wedding & reception who attract your interest, then just hang out with her in the most amiable, convivial, non-romantic way you can muster. Don’t try to show her a good time (i.e., make her evening centered about you); try to help her have a good time in general. Be a mensch.
Wait, this wasn’t a hypothetical situation.
Are you sure you are OK, Skald?
You gave useful advice with nary a time-travel gizmo in sight.
Should I be afraid?
Cool Sklad. My 1st reaction when I saw you were the 1st reply: This isn’t hypothetical! 
I believe she knows I am romantically into her. “Wingman” is a neat idea. I have NO intention of upstaging my sister. (just my interpretation of “upstage”)
I don’t see why. It’s not like the monkeys will eat you until after they kill you.
Wait… it’s a somewhat different situation if you haven’t made your feelings for her clear. I was assuming from your OP that y’all had had the Talk and decided to remain friends (that is, that SHE had decided that), since you mentioned “the parameters she had set.”
What is she expecting this excursion to be? What are the paremeters?
She’s just expecting to be my +1. She just accepted my invite today, so it hasn’t been fleshed out, though I assume she isn’t interested in it being at all physical. (to paraphrase Larry David,“No hugging, no kissing.”) She was also my platonic Jr Prom Date 15 years ago. (A case of me having either: a platonic date, or no date) I revealed that I wish were more many years ago. I’m unsure she remembers that.
Indeed.
Don’t do it. Don’t. Just don’t. This will all end in tears, either yours or hers or both.
If you don’t listen to me (which you won’t), at least, for the love of all that’s holy, don’t consume any alcohol. Not even a drop.
Then I suggest you hand her no lines, and keep your hands to yourself.
etv, you really need to be entirely clear about what is going on on this excursion. If you know that she has no romantic feelings for you, then you have to go out of your way to respect that if you want to retain the friendship. You’re walking into a minefield.
I’m a little confused. You need advice on how to go as friends to an event with your friend?
It’s my sister’s wedding. Most people go to these types of events w/a SO. As I have none, I was hoping to go with someone who could potentially be one.
I agree completely Sklad. She is one of my one dear friends. I care too much aboutr her to do ANYTHING to hurt her.
YNot-I’m not that much of a drinker, so I wouldn’t miss it.
Ah. For some reason, I read it as you know exactly where she stands yet you were still wondering how to treat her. That’s where my confusion was coming in (because if you know exactly where she stands, there shouldn’t be any question about how you treat her). Apparently, I can’t read.
Anyway, this strikes me as a really bad idea, honestly. Because you’re going in likely with two sets of expectations and hopes, and that doesn’t end well, generally.
If you are unclear about her feelings, I’d say try to clear that up before going.
godess-Clearing up her view WILL happen by the Big Day! As I said, she’s is one of my dearest friends, and ruining that would shatter me.
Oh, so single unattached unpartnered persons aren’t allowed at weddings now? Or was this always the rule?
That’s okay. I wouldn’t attend any wedding that would have me as a guest either.
Trust me, she remembers.
I second Skald’s advice: treat her as ‘one of the guys’ (as much as that is possible).
Are you sure? Because this would be a great opportunity to get hammered, steal the mic from the best man during the toast, and call her a #&@(*&! for not being more into you.
Ahh, weddings.
From bitter, humiliating personal experience, I now believe this about crushes/unrequited love/etc.:
- It’s better to show your appreciation for someone by respect for who they are, rather than by frustration over who they can’t be.
- As high-minded as that may be, you’re only human and the best course of action is to detach yourself from contact until you stabilize.
- Love is a harmless mental illness, not a vision quest.
- Don’t be a puppy dog. In real life, more puppies are destroyed than adopted.