Well obviously it’s your relationship and you can handle it however you want.
I just think back to that man I dated and his family’s ambivalence toward me. At the time I felt very self-righteous and unfairly judged and all that, and if one of them had made a comment to me I probably would have gotten very defensive.
But now feeling a bit more aware of where their feelings may be coming from, I guess I’d make the effort to be more understanding of negative reactions rather than just dismissing them out of hand. Maybe that would require extra patience with someone who showed what I felt was unfair hostility toward me. Or maybe I would sense someone was upset and ask them what was up and hear out what they had to say without getting defensive. Or I might recognize that just because someone feels hurt/upset doesn’t mean they are specifically blaming me or think I am a bad person.
FWIW, my personal feeling is that it would be a better society if people did that in general, not only with regard to interracial relationships.
I said that you left out my option. I figured my unrequited crushed on a couple of guys of other races is considerably beyond “wouldn’t mind.” White woman, South Asian and Asian guys.
Well, I will definitely agree with you on that. That said, I’m only going to be able to muster a limited amount of tolerance if someone ends up disliking or hating me because of my skin color. And those who dislike or hate my boyfriend for his are going to get none.
I won’t demand people fall all over themselves with delight, though.
Olives, I think it is great that you are kind hearted enough to even care what they think or feel. It’s just that I think they were a couple of manipulative bitches.
In my extended family, I have about 3 white wives and about 30 black ones. They are married from everything from drug dealers to doctors. Seriously. If a black woman can’t find a man to marry, it is not the fault of any white woman. And I don’t care how many times you read that half of all black mean are in prison, I promise you, there are tons of black men out there for good black women. If a black woman wants one and can’t find one, then she needs to step up her own game. She has no right to covet the one that a white woman has for herself. I mean, I reckon she can covet, but the white woman owes her nothing.
But again, I think you are sweet to consider feelings.
Your feelings are certainly understandable. And frankly, nothing in hell could keep me from the man I love, not an army of haters. I mean… it’s love. There are no forces more powerful and all that.
I’m glad you’re in a happy relationship. There can never too many of those. And of all the people who could have one, I’d want it to be you.
Huh. I got halfway through the thread thinking “no”, but realized that the gal I dated all through senior year of high school was Hispanic. White dad, mother from Mexico. Never really thought about it - she was just a gal I’d known since elementary school who shared some interests, sat with me in physics, and was quite good looking.
So: Yes to dated, no to sex (but that’s more of a function of we were young, and she was far more Catholic than I ever was)
Past the edit time: Nobody’s parents had any problems, not was there any in the community that I ever saw. Dallas suburb with a high population of Latinos makes it not uncommon. I think class might have been more of an issue - we were both middle class and lived on the nice side of town. English was spoken at her house, though she spoke Spanish with her mother’s side of the family. A different Hispanic gal who I was good friends and could have ended up dating might have been a problem, mainly because her family was pretty poor and of the opinion that she didn’t need to be in school when she could have already dropped out and gotten started on a family.
I’m saying! I knew I couldn’t be the only one reading this thread who thought, “Man, this makes me want to fuck the first light-skinned person who walks by.”
As much as I’d love to let this thread die on a note about sex and music, I’m afraid I have to press on.
It didn’t occur to me when crafting this thread that I grew up being completely exposed to interracial relationships. My great uncle was, as far as I know, the first person in the family to marry someone white, and I believe that happened in the late 50s or early 60s. He had, I think, six kids (I’m not super close to my extended family, so the numbers get mixed up in my head), all of whom looked mixed, at the very least, but most could pass for white. That marriage and those kids (who are generally about 10 to 20 years older than I am) were always around in my childhood, so I don’t think I’d ever given any thought to interracial relationships being an issue.
What’s interesting to me now, though, upon reflection, is that ALL of the kids from that interracial marriage wound up marrying someone white (I don’t know what their dating histories were like). And all of their kids look only white – not even mixed. Now, I remember earlier in my life having my mom be concerned about the fact that I wasn’t dating any black girls, and I wonder how much of that is a product of seeing all of her relatives in the same age range “abandon” their blackness. I might now be inspired to ask her about this.
For those of you in this thread who are products of an interracial couple, how strongly are you pushed towards identifying with one race over another? And if it applies, how much of that push do you think centers around which of the races is considered to be the “minority” race?
I think that as a little kid I more strongly identified with being “half Indian”. I grew up in the (relative) sticks, but Pittsburgh was 90 minutes away, with Indian food and a temple and such, so I grew up with more Indian culture than Cuban or Latino. (In middle school, I tried my hardest to be white, just to fit in, but I think that’s more because it’s hellacious middle school than anything else.) My mom is a horrid cook, so I only had Cuban food when relatives visited. But upon graduating high school (almost 6 years ago), I was fluent in Spanish and went to USC for my first 2 years of school. While I had little in common with the Mexican preschoolers worked with South-Central, speaking Spanish was a strong bond to them.
Oddly enough, the place where I feel most “at home” is South Florida - Palm Beach, but especially Miami (my uncle and grandmother live there). Even though I didn’t grow up around any of the culture until high school, anytime I’m there I feel so utterly at ease, an ease that I certainly never have in my hometown, but one I don’t even have in Pittsburgh in “liberal” areas, either. The dancing, the music, the food, the Spanish and Spanglish, it somehow all makes me feel like (cue cheesy music) I belong there. At the same time, I see my youngest brother (a freshman in high school) more strongly identifying as Kashmiri/Indian. He wears a gold chain, meditates, believes in some of the basic concepts of Hinduism, will probably be a doctor (huge stereotype, I know). Some of his best friends are Indian kids, and he’s an avid tennis player. Kind of like how MeanOldLady’s sister is all “kill whitey!”, the “message received” can be totally different between siblings.
I think my mom strongly encouraged me to identify with either (as in, I had a choice of) Cuban or white-American culture. My parents are 54 and 64, so the first big wave Indian immigrants are their age. My mom strongly maintains that my dad and his BFF from med school were the only ones who weren’t misogynists (an unfair representation, but somewhat rooted in reality), so she encouraged me away from them, I think. At the same time, she thought we were beautiful kids (more than the average parent does) because of our long eyelashes and dark features. So while the message was “don’t marry 'em because of the mysogyny, it’s right around the corner!” it was also coupled with “you’re so beautiful because of how you look from your father!”. Strange, I know.
Luckily one thing I wasn’t confused about was religion; some of my interracial friends really struggle with that on a regular basis. My dad is a lapsed Hindu and my mom a REALLY lapsed Catholic; we went to church and the temple equally, but there really wasn’t a fight over what we’d be. All 3 kids were baptized in both faiths. We do Christmas and Shivratri, with an emphasis on the gifts and tradition, not the religiousness. My mom gets upset when I make allusions to being agnostic, but it passes in a few minutes. It’s a hell of a lot more normal than the kids I know where one sibling was raised Catholic, the other Muslim, etc. I’m okay with knowing that I’m not fully like either parent, but do love that I’m similar and close to my siblings. The middle child, my younger (but not youngest) brother briefly dabbled in ultra-Christianity, and that was divisive.
Chinese-American guy seriously dating a Mexican (from Mexico) girl here.
Is race ever a factor for you with regard to your dating choices?
Yes - I admit that I am attracted to some races more than others. However - like others have said, I wouldn’t disqualify someone who I was strongly attracted to (although for me, the bar would be set higher).
Do other interracial couples you run across grab your attention more than a same-race couple? If so, why?
No, not really. I’ve grown up around a lot of interracial couples, especially in my own family (mainly Asian-White pairings, for both guys and girls). My grandma was mixed, which was definitely very rare when she was growing up (1920s Shanghai).
Would you be turned off, unaffected, or complimented if someone new you were dating told you that they were mainly/only interested in dating people of your race?
Not really, probably because it is more likely for women to have those stated preferences. I do think it’s weird when guys will only date one race. It makes it sound like they have some insecurity that they are trying to hide by taking control of who they deem worthy enough to date.
My family wouldn’t care if I brought home an orange woman. They’d just be thrilled that she was female.
As for myself, I’ve slept with white guys, Hispanic, black and probably others. As for dating, I’ve only been in three relationships. (9 months, 4 years and almost 9 years) One was Hispanic and the other two generic white.
I doubt I would ever be in a relationship with a black or Asian guy simply because I am rarely physically attracted to them. Not to say it couldn’t happen but the odds are fairly low.
There can never too many of those. And of all the people who could have one, I’d want it to be you.