A poll and general discussion about interracial relationships

[Really_Not_All_That_Bright]

@MeanOldLady

I’m saying! I knew I couldn’t be the only one reading this thread who thought, “Man, this makes me want to fuck the first light-skinned person who walks by.”

Well, I didn’t. I read the thread and thought, “man, this makes me want to fuck the first, second and third white people who walk by.”

[raindog]

FTR/FWIW
I am 48, Caucasian, and divorced. I was married for <18 years to an AA woman, and have 4 biracial children, all roughly about college age. We met in Chicago (my hometown) and lived there for a long while, although I live in SW Ohio now. (Dayton/Cincinnati)

@Asimovian

• Is race ever a factor for you with regard to your dating choices?

No, not al all. I have some preferences, although they are not generally racially oriented. (certain accents are like nails on chalkboards for me, and a few ethnicities don’t do much for me)

I would be entirely open to dating a wide range of women; white, black, Asian, Hispanic, Middle-Eastern etc etc.

• Do other interracial couples you run across grab your attention more than a same-race couple? If so, why?

Not at all. It is my experience that if you are raised in a multi racial environment (like Chicago) these things are second nature.

One of the more enduring memories I have though involves moving to Dayton, Ohio.

I remember like yesterday going to a mall and have people stop and stare like we were from Mars.

• Would you be turned off, unaffected, or complimented if someone new you were dating told you that they were mainly/only interested in dating people of your race?

Unaffected, totally. Their preferences are valid and they have a right to them. (Unless the basis was racism for example)

What is aggravating though, is the assumption that because I married a black woman I somehow have some version of Jungle Fever and I’m only interested in black women.

That is a really aggravating assumption.

[raindog]

…

[pricciar]

I’m 36 and have lived in both Philadelphia and Santa Barbara.

• Is race ever a factor for you with regard to your dating choices?
  No. Just common interests, ability to make me laugh, sparkling wit, nice rack and no pointy shoes. Race really doesn’t enter it. Religion doesn’t either.Unless they are super duper religious and expect me to be more Godly.

• Do other interracial couples you run across grab your attention more than a same-race couple? If so, why?
  Perhaps. Like if it’s a really really dark black girl and an albino guy I would try to think of a clever way to refer to them fail miserably and call her his shadow chuckle to myself while anyone I said it to would call me an idiot. Otherwise, probably not. Unless they were really hot then I would look into ways to break things up and step in and again fail miserably.

• Would you be turned off, unaffected, or complimented if someone new you were dating told you that they were mainly/only interested in dating people of your race?
  If it were said in a Hood wearing white power fist way I would be turned off. But, if it were someone who just liked white people more than others I would be unaffected. I would never think of it as much of a compliment, though = how could it be? I didn’t create myself (as far as they know!). Of course, in any case I would find it pretty super odd that it was even brought up. We are dating each other, right? Why tell me who else is on the good list? Trying to make me jealous already! It’s not like I am going to be another race all of a sudden. I guess someone could state that early on and then later when they want to break up they can say “You’re not being white enough. We have to break up.” Clearly, it is nice to have an easy way out.

[raindog]

@Nzinga_Seated

I am astonished that Olives is willing to not date whomever she likes, just because some insecure black women she met are butthurt about interracial dating.

There are plenty of awesome black men out there of every stripe that are happy to date black women. Most black men that marry, marry black women, although the beauty of the white woman don’t escape the black man, I am sure.

Olives, if those women can’t find a good black man, it isn’t because half of them are in jail. Let them either step their game up, or re-evaluate what they are willing to accept. It is not on you to have to ‘step aside’. Fuck that shit.

Half of them are not in jail.

[China_Guy]

@Hodiggity1

No, not really. I’ve grown up around a lot of interracial couples, especially in my own family (mainly Asian-White pairings, for both guys and girls). My grandma was mixed, which was definitely very rare when she was growing up (1920s Shanghai).

Any details on her parents? I’m curious. Today I often have elderly Shanghaiese matrons (say 70-80ish) who stop my obviously Amerasian kids on the street and will say something in English learned 50 or 60 years ago along the lines of “beautiful kids.” these elderly woman absolutely recognize Amerasian kids at a glance whereas the post-revolution ones don’t usually. Just an observation I have here.

[Fuzzy_Dunlop]

@Nzinga_Seated

In my extended family, I have about 3 white wives and about 30 black ones.

This reads so much different than you must’ve meant it to mean.

@Nzinga_Seated

They are married from everything from drug dealers to doctors. Seriously. If a black woman can’t find a man to marry, it is not the fault of any white woman. And I don’t care how many times you read that half of all black mean are in prison, I promise you, there are tons of black men out there for good black women. If a black woman wants one and can’t find one, then she needs to step up her own game. She has no right to covet the one that a white woman has for herself. I mean, I reckon she can covet, but the white woman owes her nothing.

But again, I think you are sweet to consider feelings.

This week’s Economist Lexington column agrees with you!

Sex and the single black woman

@Lexington

“I thought I was a catch,” sighs an attractive black female doctor at a hospital in Washington, DC. Black men with good jobs know they are “a hot commodity”, she observes. When there are six women chasing one man,** “It’s like, what are you going to do extra, to get his attention?”** Some women offer sex on the first date, she says, which makes life harder for those who prefer to combine romance with commitment. She complains about a recent boyfriend, an electrician whom she had been dating for about six months, whose phone started ringing late at night. It turned out to be his other girlfriend. Pressed, he said he didn’t realise the relationship was meant to be exclusive.

No mention of interracial dating and white women snagging available black guys - just that fewer available black men forces black women to work harder to snag a guy.

[Antinor01]

@raindog

What is aggravating though, is the assumption that because I married a black woman I somehow have some version of Jungle Fever and I’m only interested in black women.

That is a really aggravating assumption.

What’s funny though, is that you can get that regardless of who you’re with. I’ve heard many times the assumption that I’m into younger guys, or blonds, or twinks just because my SO fits those categories. Umm no, I’m just with someone that is those things, that doesn’t mean I’m only interested in those qualities.

[Nzinga_Seated]

@Fuzzy_Dunlop

This reads so much different than you must’ve meant it to mean.

You read it right. I have 33 wives, three of them white. They work very hard to compete with the black ones, but until they master cooking soul food, they are not making it to the master bedroom.

Hey, raindog, I didn’t mean to imply that I agree that half of all black men are in jail. I wouldn’t buy that for a minute.

[Hodiggity1]

@China_Guy

Any details on her parents? I’m curious. Today I often have elderly Shanghaiese matrons (say 70-80ish) who stop my obviously Amerasian kids on the street and will say something in English learned 50 or 60 years ago along the lines of “beautiful kids.” these elderly woman absolutely recognize Amerasian kids at a glance whereas the post-revolution ones don’t usually. Just an observation I have here.

Sure - her father was Chung Mun Yew, one of the first Chinese to graduate from Yale (CEM Connections). Her mother was Mak Fung Kum, who was the mixed one (Mak Fung Kum’s father’s name was Richmond Mark).

[Fuzzy_Dunlop]

@Nzinga_Seated

You read it right. I have 33 wives, three of them white. They work very hard to compete with the black ones, but until they master cooking soul food, they are not making it to the master bedroom.

I think if I were a polygamist I would design my marriages around creating a varied and diverse culinary experience for myself.

@Nzinga_Seated

Hey, raindog, I didn’t mean to imply that I agree that half of all black men are in jail. I wouldn’t buy that for a minute.

@The Economist

Between the ages of 20 and 29, one black man in nine is behind bars. For black women of the same age, the figure is about one in 150. For obvious reasons, convicts are excluded from the dating pool. And many women also steer clear of ex-cons, which makes a big difference when one young black man in three can expect to be locked up at some point.

[Peremensoe]

All my lovers have been members of the human race. I’m very strict about that.

[Peremensoe]

@ReticulatingSplines

I’ve NEVER heard a man say he would disqualify an otherwise attractive woman just because of her ethnicity, but I’ve heard lots of women say they’d disqualify a man because of his.

You are a woman, I take it.

I’ve heard plenty of men express preferences (for and against) women of given coloration. Also, men who would reject a woman based on the coloration of other men she may have known.

[MeanOldLady]

@spark240

You are a woman, I take it.

I’ve heard plenty of men express preferences (for and against) women of given coloration. Also, men who would reject a woman based on the coloration of other men she may have known.

Huh. I guess I’ve been under the giant woman rock, as well. Preferences for men are certainly not unheard of (especially for certain races), but I’d always imagined for men it was rather rare to wholly exclude otherwise attractive women because of their race, the way women often do. Would you agree that it is more common for women to only want to date certain races than it is for men?

[Fuzzy_Dunlop]

@MeanOldLady

Huh. I guess I’ve been under the giant woman rock, as well. Preferences for men are certainly not unheard of (especially for certain races), but I’d always imagined for men it was rather rare to wholly exclude otherwise attractive women because of their race, the way women often do. Would you agree that it is more common for women to only want to date certain races than it is for men?

In my experience the difference is that men are likely to exclude an entire race as potentially attractive and therefore not be interested in dating them. This seems slightly less odious than women who are more likely to simply exclude a certain race as potential partners.

Lot’s of guys I’ve known insist they’re not opposed to black women they simply don’t find them attractive. I don’t think anyone has ever articulated a clear explanation of what that means to me. On the other hand I know guys who say they don’t find asian women attractive because they need big voluptuous breasts on their women. This seems more sincere because I’ve known plenty of guys who won’t date women of their own race if they’re small chested and very few Asian girls are busty.

But that’s how it usually is with guys. They won’t exclude otherwise attractive women for being X, they insist they don’t find any X attractive.

[raindog]

FWIW, my experience is consistent with spark240’s comment.

Very consistent.

[raindog]

…

[MeanOldLady]

@Fuzzy_Dunlop

In my experience the difference is that men are likely to exclude an entire race as potentially attractive and therefore not be interested in dating them. This seems slightly less odious than women who are more likely to simply exclude a certain race as potential partners.

Makes sense.

Edit:

@spark

Also, men who would reject a woman based on the coloration of other men she may have known.

Ha! Does not make sense, I feel like adding. “Whuh? She been foolin’ around with them colored boys? Nuh uh, she ain’t no good no mo.” Oh ho, good stuff, that.

[Peremensoe]

@MeanOldLady

Would you agree that it is more common for women to only want to date certain races than it is for men?

I’ve heard it expressed on both sides. I think I’ve been privy to more men’s feelings on the matter.

@Fuzzy_Dunlop

In my experience the difference is that men are likely to exclude an entire race as potentially attractive and therefore not be interested in dating them. This seems slightly less odious than women who are more likely to simply exclude a certain race as potential partners.

That’s a difference?

edit: Okay, so is the claim by the women here that they do find men of “race X” attractive, but still exclude as potential partners?

[Peremensoe]

@MeanOldLady

“Whuh? She been foolin’ around with them colored boys? Nuh uh, she ain’t no good no mo.”

Pretty much, yeah.