A Poll for Married Dopers

In My Humble Opinion
1

I’ll define “married” as being in a serious, committed monogamous relationship, doesn’t matter (to me) whether sanctified by clergy or state, so long as you and your SO have soberly expressed your intention to remain in this commitment for the remainder of your lives, and have been together in a committed relationship for at least one year. My poll asks this:

In your own private hearts of hearts (NOT what you profess aloud to your SO), do you feel closer to:

a) Positive that your relationship will remain in its current state, despite any pitfalls that may occur in the future, i.e., no matter what, you and your SO will stay committed and work out any problems
b) Fairly confident that your relationship will remain in its current state, while acknowledging that the future is fraught with peril and some unforeseen catastrophe could disrupt your relationship
c) Hopeful but by no means confident that your relationship will remain in its current state
d) Fearful that your relationship won’t remain in its current state, but willing to take your chances and try to make it work out
e) Doubtful that your relationship will endure the next few years: one or both of you is already looking for a way out

If you like, you can indicate some other particulars of your relationship, i.e., hetero- or homo, married or living together, ages, time together, etc. but mainly I’m looking for one-letter answers.

2

If it hasn’t fallen apart by now, it never will.

Solid “A”.

3

B.

Hetero, open marriage, both in our 30’s, married 8 years.

4

A for me. My partner might say B, having had a previous divorce.

Lesbian/Bi, 10 years in committed partnership, getting legally married in Massachusetts later this summer.

5

We’ve been married 10 years, together 19 and have 3 kids. I feel very comfortable choosing ‘a’.

6

Ha! The Dope won’t allow one-letter answers! That said:

B

7

I choose ‘A’.

But only because my first, and most accurate choice, doesn’t appear in the list. It would be;

“Confident that my current relationship, while wonderful, will continue to improve in myriad and unexpected ways.”

Why doesn’t “get better” appear on the list?

8

B. I would never claim to know what may happen in the future.

Gay, engaged, 33 and 27, together 7 years.

9

B

Together 13 years, married 12, no kids, heterosexual.

10

b but fear c

11

B

Relationships evolve. Marriages evolve. My wife and I are not the same people we were when we got married. Our lives have changed, careers, houses…Our love remains constant. We’ve even renewed our vows with different rings to signify a new beginning after a traumatic event some years ago. Not infidelity.

To me, infidelity means all bets are off.

12

B, because I am a pessimist at heart and you just never know what curveballs life might throw at you. However, I feel that we are both in it for life.

36, straight, together 2 years, married for one, no kids

13

Word. I think not choosing A says more about my viewpoint on life (all is uncertain) than the strength of my marriage.

14

I would say A-, as I am pretty certain, but slightly superstitious about being overly confident about such things!

We are both 41, have been married 9 years and have 2 small children.

15

A

Together 8 years, getting married on Friday.

16

A, assuming we live. It’s not just that my relationship is good (which it is) but that we are both pretty complacent people. Even if it got much less good, I don’t see either of us shifting to a whole new paradigm.

17

I’m a realist. I’ll say B. Married 11 years, together 20.

He’s 63 and I’m 52. I have one child, he has none.

18

B.

Hetero, married 5 years. I’m 48; it’s my first marriage. He’s 53; this is his second marriage.

19

B.

Together 8 years, married 5. Hetero, 35 and 38. 5 kids total between us, though none together and none that currently live with us - ages 13 to 21. This is my first marriage and his third.

20

B.