I’m the kind of person who doesn’t like to plan the weekend too much, in case we all die in a car crash before then. B.
I’m 38, he’s 55, married two years. My two kids and one of his three live with us.
“A”
Married 7 years; dated 3 years prior (2 of those long-distance). Me 39; her 45.
A. I’m a worrier, but A.
I’d have to say B, only because “unforeseen circumstances” covers a lot of ground. For instance, if I experienced a psychotic break and became someone who was likely to cause him harm, I would hope Purgatory Man would have the sense to skedaddle, but given the relatively tame ups and downs of normal married life, we are unlikely to separate except by death.
We’re both around 50, hetero, married 15 years, no spawn.
Can I choose F: Other?
Hetero, married 22 years next week. 3 kids, youngest a senior in high school.
To say any “magic” has gone out of our marriage long ago would be an understatement. However, in many ways we make an excellent “team.” There are some things we appreciate tremendously about each other, but many other things that drive each other nuts.
I am not sure to what extent we stay together out of convenience and habit. We plan on marketing our house next spring, but not looking to buy until (or if) it sells. When we have liquidated our house, and with the kids all going away to college, I anticipate there being some hard searching to determine whether or not we wish to establish one or two households from that point on.
Things aren’t intolerable, but we both feel we have to put up with a lot of grief we shouldn’t. And we both feel the others’ criticisms of ourselves are either petty or unwarranted. So we are each going to really need to sit down and decide whether the benefits/pleasures we derive from staying together exceed the costs of separation.
Should be an interesting year!
A
26 & 27
Together 7 years, married almost 3.
No irishbabies as yet.
He’s mine, I’m his, everything else in life is negotiable, that isn’t.
A, absolutely. Married 6 years, hetero, met here on the SDMB!
Somewhere between A and B. I keep thinking one day she’s going to wake up and realize she can do better. 
Hetero, 33/31, married 9.5 years, together over 12 years.
B (because “no matter what” covers a lot of ground) with a strong splash of "it’s good now and will keep getting better.
hetero, living in sin for 16 years.
You can choose R, if you like, or W, but you sound like you’re somewhere on the C-E continuum to me, though you haven’t yet decided where on that continuum you stand, and only you can say.
Totally A. Married (in the traditional sense) for 13 years.
In light of all the “A” answers, I feel like I somehow have to defend my choice. I love my husband with all my heart; I’m sure he feels the same about me. And we are both committed to our marriage.
But I’ve just seen too much in my life to believe in “No Matter What, Under Any Circumstances” in regards to any human endeavor.
A, for a couple of reasons.
One, we have been together for more than 24 years, married for almost 20, have three kids (ages 21, 17 and 8) and love each other more than we did the day we took our vows.
Two, we said from the start we were in it for the long-run. Neither of us has changed opinions about that.
Three has to do with what one of my sisters always says. She and her partner have been together for 25 years. She says “Mary and I will never break up; we’re both too lazy to pack up our shit and leave”.
I wonder how many members of the 50% of marriages that end in divorce would’ve said A at one point. I’m guessing pretty much all of them.
Fair enough. You made the rules. I guess what kept me from those categories was that I don’t know if my mindset could accurately be described as “hopeful” or “fearful,” and I’m not sure if my desire is for the relationship to stay in its current state. As sad as it may seem/be, I think our current mutual mindset might better be characterized as apathetic and convenient.
My heart is saying “A”, but my brain is saying “B”.
This would be because I could get hit by a bus tomorrow - or he could. It would take a major unforseen circumstance to throw our marriage in jeopardy, but the thing about unforseen circumstances is that they’re, well, unforseen.
Life doesn’t come with guarantees.
If I’m judging based solely on the stability of my marriage - it’s A all the way. If I’m being asked to take the myriad “what if” scenarios possible* into account, I’m going with B.
Hetero, 33/32, married 3 years next month, together four. No kids yet.
*What if he’s in a horrible accident and sustain brain damage sufficient to vegetablize him, but insufficient to kill him? What if I develop a drug addiction and refuse to admit it or seek treatment? What if one of us joins a cult and the other doesn’t? The possibilities are limitless. It’s just a lot of them are exceptionally unlikely. I’m able to imagine a number of scenarios that would lead to the demise of my marriage - it’s just that, based on currently available data, those scenarios are vanishingly unlikely. Not impossible, just very, very unlikely.
Capital A.
a
Although it’s of course true that
it is up to me and my wife, not the Fates, as to whether our marriage could survive such a disruption.
Sure, if I woke up one day to find that my wife was standing over me about to bring an ax down on my neck, that could shift the equation slightly, but we don’t go through life thinking of so-bizarre-as-to-be-unthinkable scenarios, but those SBATBU scenarios do indeed happen. You have to go in committed, and then when the unthinkable happens deal with it, and one way to deal with it might be to break up, even though you never considered it a possibility before. My first marriage ended after my wife had an affair and then she would not drop it to work on our marriage, but it never occurred to me to add something to my wedding vows about “…'till death do us part, or if she commits adultery.”
This doesn’t mean that I’m not realistic about all the things that could happen, but the answer to this question is a test of attitude. You’re either in it, or you’re not.
(BTW, I’m a male married to a woman for 15 years, two kids 9 & 12.)
I guess an** A/B ** or A- rating for me. We have been married for 16 and together for 17. We get along well enough and we still love each other and don’t get on each other’s nerves too much. She’s put up with me this long, I believe she will continue to.
Does she like baseball, at least? And if so, is she a Red Sox fan?