Just when you think Follywood can’t find a new low, they go out and dig up one more horrifying than you can imagine. Who the fuck is this piece of shit supposed to appeal to? I know of no one who likes those el creepo Burger King commercials, I can’t imagine shelling out $10 to see 87 minutes (they surely wouldn’t do some kind of three hour LOTR epic, god help us all if they did) of that plastic faced corporate mascot. Shit, I wouldn’t go see that thing if they paid me.
I have an idea. Instead of making the movie, they should just give all the money to me.
Hell, I’ll make a movie with it. I’m thinking an adaptation of Bentley Little’s The Store, with Bill Paxton as Bill Davis and Gary Cole as Mr. Lamb.
I bet it’s a horror movie. That King freaks me out.
He freaks everybody out. The character was brought back for the ironic value, and now the stupidity of this just causes ironies on top of ironies. It gives me a headache. I have to lie down now.
I’m currently in pre-production of my epic trilogy entitled “The Grimace Story”.
In the first “episode”, opens with Grimace sitting in an alley outside a McDonalds, licking melted milkshake off the ground and lying in a pool of purple urine. A beautiful, but hard worn hooker-with-a-heart-of-gold (played by Natalie Portman) finds him and takes him back to her place. After many travails, she helps him get clean and sober. Grimace then takes back his job as Ronald’s idiot friend. Unfortunately, his new life goes to his head, and he turns his back on Natalie, who commits suicide by choking herself on a mouthful of purple gumdrops.
The second “episode” is more of a prequel, and deals with Grimace’s troubled childhood. Once the valedictorian of his boarding school, he went on spring break to spend the week with his uncle, Uncle O’Grimacey. His uncle abused him by getting him drunk on spiked Shamrock Shakes and molesting him. His grades fell, he contemplated suicide leading to him cutting off two of his arms, and developed his lifelong addition to milkshakes. The movie ends with him killing his uncle with a blender and drilling a hole in his head, leading to his mental defiency seen in his later life.
The third episode has Grimace leading his life, such as it is, to the best of his abilities. Although he hears Ronald, the Fryburglar, and Mayor McCheese mocking him, it does not register. However, thanks to a blow to the head from a McNugget buddy, he slips into a coma. When he awakens, he is back to full mental abilities and goes on to live a long fruitful life, which cumulates in his buying out the McDonalds franchise and closing them down. In the last scene, he leaves his office and walks Christlike over a lake of milkshake.
FIN
If they got together with McDonalds and did a clear spoof of “Freddy Vs. Jason”, I think I’d watch that.
I admit it.
I love the King. I think this is hilarious.
Meh. I think this is worse.
I’m not a fan of pre-emptive pittings. What if the movie is actually really good?
Then again, I like the BK commercials, so YMMV.
Bzzt! That, at least, will be focusing on some hot young things dressed in tightly revealing clothing. Burger King: The Movie will be focusing on some giant, plastic headed, uh, thing. Girls seeing Bratz will be inspired to grow up and be strippers. 
Girls seeing BK:TM will, uh, suddenly find large plastic things to be sexually appealing? 
Mmmm, large plastic things.
How does one cumulate, exactly?
That’s okay; 'cause I would! I love the Double Whopper! Mmm, mmm good! 64 grams of fat and 1,000 calories, all for ME! 
Hamlet: Hilarious!
This here is friggin’ brilliant! I would actually watch that. The question is who plays Grimace? I’m thinking Belushi, or John Goodman.
Fast Food Hamburger Chains don’t make for good movies.
Good lord, have they forgotten about Mac and Me already?
Not to mention this little baby.
I meant movies sponsored by real-life fast food hamburger chains. From the Trivia page of my link:
I’m willing to extend the “it’ll be bad” prediction to films inspired by and backed by other fast food chains as well, like Taco Bell and Pizza Hut.
It’s possible for movies set at fast food joints, or about fast food joints (but not actually associated with them) to be bad (Good Burger), but they have to get there on their own.
A movie about a fast-food chain and its advertising characters seems to me about as good an idea as a movie about an amusement park ride.
Oi. This is the sort of thing I used to joke about, but apparently it’s becoming real. I’m going to have to stop making jokes; they seem to be coming true. Am I responsible? I’m sorry, I’m sorry; no more humor from me.
If we really need movies about advertising icons, why not Mr. Clean? He’s got that Yul Brenner kind of appeal. It could be a sort of Taras Bulba but about wet mopping.
For fast-food-inspired movies, my favorite is Scotland, PA. It’ll also appeal to MacBeth fans.