Bear with me, this is going to require some background:
I am a good-natured fellow. I love to laugh and play around, and I am a funny guy. But I suffer from depression. It blows.
At least part of this I feel is that my life is all out of order. I attend UNC Greensboro, and I really feel like I don’t belong here. I hate it. I get out of Greensboro whenever I can, either home to Winston-Salem, or to see some friends at NC State in Raleigh. I LOVE Raleigh, and I always have a great time. When I get sick of and depressed in Greensboro, I go to Raleigh and really enjoy myself. So I am transferring to NS State University. I leave Greensboro in 4 days. I couldn’t be happier. Just being there usually puts me in a great mood.
But last night I went up there and it didn’t work. I couldn’t pull out of my funk. It kind of worried me. I considered the fact that I am stressed. I have exams and several hundred dollars worth of debts to pay off before I can leave Gboro, and I don’t have the money. Also, I’m having a tough time finding a job in Raleigh.
I slept at my buddy’s place and drove home this morning. I was still quite depressed, and on I-40 I felt like I was about to fall asleep and I didn’t really care if I did. Part of me decided this would not do, so I pulled over to get some Mountain Dew. I got a 20-ounce, and immediately guzzled half of it, somewhere between Burlington and Durham (for anyone familiar with the area). Within 5 minutes, I felt GREAT. Not only was I awake, but my little episode had lifted and I was my usual self again.
NOW, this could be coincidence. I know that with depression, it’s all in my mind, no matter how much I convince myself otherwise. Usually, if I can remind myself of this, then with about 30 min of concentrated effort, I can essentially “talk myself out of” a depressive episode. I had been working on this for some time, so it might have lifted because of that. (If you’re curious, yes, I am on antidepressants as well). But I occurred to me that, in an effort to drain all the money off my meal card in the next, I have been buying roughly 30 sodas per week as of late, and finishing them within about 4 days. I love sodas. I have a hostory with a caffeine dependency, however. I had to kick it my senior year of high school because I drank about 3 cups of coffee per day and it screwed up my sleep habits.
IN CONCLUSION: (if you have stayed and read this whole thing, thank you) anyone out there who is an experienced depressionist or has a training in psychology, Is it likely that my depression may be related to or quite so dramatically aggravated by a caffeine dependency?