I had clss today but didn’t go. I don’t really know why?
I know I am am depressed bt I am seeing a counseler at school to try to get me through this. The isn’t the first time I felt like this you see. I already failed out of school two years ago because I got depressed. I think the counseler is helping but he says it will take time. They also put me on a drug called Lexapro to try to help me out but they say that won’t take effect for atleast another week. I knew I should go to class but for some reason everytime I tried to go I couldn’t move. I just slept. Finnally, I got the motivation to leave my house, to buy booze, I know it isn’t healthy but… I just needed a break from reality, I think.
The problem is I am lonely, I moved to this college I have been here for almost six months but I still have no freinds here. I have freinds and family, the greatest but most of then are more than 2000 miles away. No one from work or the theater group I joined would care if ceased to show up any more, except for the mild inconvience of it all. Don’t get me wrong I am not seriously contemplating suicide or anything like that. I aready beat the monkey off my back. I just needed to spill my guts to someone and if I did it to the people I do care about they would be even more worried me than they already are about me and I can’t think about that. Well thank you for listening to me, I feel a little better now.
etgaw1
Wow! I figure you are depressed cause your in Seattle, and the weather is always the shits. At least thats what I’ve read about the place. Weather was shit when I was there.
I’m a worthless piece of shit most days, but I still get paid way too much. Just lucky, I guess. I don’t have any friends either, but it doesn’t bother me too much. I just drink lots of homebrew beer and my kid seems to love me, so to hell with everybody else!
Stop beating monkeys off! Thats disgusting!
She told me she loved me like a brother. She was from Arkansas, hence the Joy!
Try the Lexapro, and expect some good results within 6 weeks of starting, if it doesn’t help there are many similar but different drugs out there one of which may be perfect for helping you. You do sound like this is really effecting large chunks of your life and has been doing so for several years, so it sounds like the sort of thing drugs may help. Also have your doctor get you a full set of blood tests, though unlikely it is possible that the depression can be caused by vitamin deficiencies or other such that can be ruled out by such tests. If you can get involved in a non work related activity then that can help loads in beating off the depression and finding friends.
Well now I am living in Pullman Washington, the other side of the state. The weather is a little less depressing. I did going a non work group and have been very active with it but still it seems like nobody regards me as more than minor annoyance. Well I just talked to my freind Ken in NJ so i feel a little better.
Part of beating depression is being ‘happy’. Even if you don’t always feel it, fake it. I found that acting happy went a long way to beating my ‘no one likes me’ depression because when I was acting happy, people wanted to be around me more.
I don’t know if it will work for you or not, but it’s worth a shot.
The thing is I do act happy when I am outside with people. I am happy and helpful and myself when I am with people. It is when I am by myself that I become this self-hating person I don’t like. I just wish I could figure out how to make what I really am closer to the surface.
etgaw1
Join The Marine Corp!
Free Food,Travel,Foreign Destinies…You get to yell all the time
make oodles of money to go back to school to do it all over
again.
Hut 2,3,4 ....Your Left, Your Right,
This is my Rifle....This is my Gun.....Your Left....Your Left
When I first saw this thread title, the first thing I thought was that I feel like a worthless piece of shit myself for never going to class. That’s why I had to click it… and hey, it appears we’re going through the same thing. I haven’t been able to go to class steadily for weeks. I’m falling way behind in my thesis. I’m not passing in papers. I’m making plans like “if I do these two papers tonight and this paper tomorrow, they’ll only be a day late. If I call in sick for work I might be able to get them in on time.” With me, it’s not loneliness, though that is a part… it’s just the sheer overwhelming fact that I suck at being a student and I’m too disorganised to be able to get things done. Stress. That and I’m too shy to admit to anyone that I need help with my schoolwork, so I just don’t do it if I don’t know how. Which I don’t, because I’m too shy to face my professors, and the more I stay away from class, the more I feel they’re going to nag me if I show up the next time, and I dread that so I stay home. The neverending cycle!
The only thing keeping me going is this thought: “Next term I’ll do better.”
Tomorrow I vow to go to class.
I hope you feel better. Hopefully the time will come when we can both go to class every day!
rinni That is exactly what I am going though. Maybe you should see a counceler, that is what I am doing but it is talking longer than I need it to. But like you say there is always next semester. OH yeah heres a hug to make you feel better and go to class {{{HUG}}}
Mott I would like to join the military but they tend to frown on 5’10" 275lb men (who cares if I am only 20-25% body fat) with asthma, a lazy eye, and poor motor skills. Oh well they will just end up contracting me out on the civilian side anyways.
The problem with trying to fake it till you make it is that a) faking being happy is really bloody exhausting, both physically and mentally and b) living what is essentially a lie can produce horrible feelings of self-loathing which only worsen the depression. This isn’t just the “nobody likes me, everybody hates me, I think I’ll go eat worms” blues. This is full-blown clinical depression of a recurring nature, and trying to smile your way through it tends not to work.
Do you have any roommates? Can you get some? Sure, some roommates are just annoying, but sometimes you click with someone. And at least the annoying ones will annoy you enough that you want to just get out of the house. Takes a loooong time to meet people in most cities just though random activities. An a roommate can tide you over. Worked for me.
Long rambling e-mail conversations with about 5 garrulous friends copied on it can also give you a boost during the day. Worked for me in a new city recently.
I’d like to see a counselor actually. The only thing is I have no time. I hardly have time to do my school work, and I can’t quit my job… that’s most of the problem right there.
I think my employer, Wal-Mart is letting most of us go after Christmas - they won’t need so many cashiers after the Christmas boom. That’ll give me lots more time.
Thanks for the hug. Let’s both go to class tomorrow! Hehe.
Loneliness is a bitch. I moved cross country 9 months ago, leaving behind friends and family. Those first 6 months were definitely the hardest. The best thing to do is to keep as busy as possible. Volunteer work can be spiritually fulfilling and another way to increase your circle of acquaintances. Above all though, remain patient - relationships of any kind shouldn’t be rushed; they need time to grow.
Exercise is good. I felt like that when I started my college course. I joined a trampoline club. Some days I really had to drag myself out of bed to go, but it was always worth it.
Join some kind of sports club, probably best not a gym, you need something where you can interact with people .
You’ve had some great advice here already, but I wanted to add two more things I’ve learned in my vast old age of 37 - the first is that you sound kind of young, and one of the hardest lessons to learn as an adult is that most of what adults do is just enduring and holding on till things get better, and forcing yourself to do what you have to do.
The second (and happier) thing is that you really do feel better about yourself and your life as you get older. Some of the blues you’ve got will just disappear as you age (not the clinical depression stuff, though - you’re on the right track with the counselling and meds for that). I’ve had clinical depression and an anxiety disorder for the last 13 years, and some days I still feel crushed under the load, but most days I just go about my business whistling a tune, and a big part of that was just getting older and more settled in my own skin. I hope this gives you something to look forward to.
Hehe.