I don’t know what to do with my life. I think I may have a problem with depression.
For the last two weeks, nothing makes me happy. I don’t want to do anything, I don’t want to eat anything… I just don’t care at all.
I had a friend come visit me over the weekend, and even he couldn’t cheer me up. I’m lucky he was there though. I sat up all night on saturday thinking about killing myself. but I did manage to make myself wake up my friend and give him my toys (I collect knives) so that I couldn’t hurt myself. If he hadn’t been there, I don’t know what would have happened.
I don’t have many friends (and almost no social life) so I’m lonely all the time, and I just don’t see any future for myself. Maybe I would have been better off.
I’m not sure why I’m writing this. I really wish I had someone to talk to. Maybe I’m depressed, or maybe I’m just worhtless. who knows.
Every human being has something to offer that’s unique and individual, and though I don’t know you, I’m sure the world would be greatly deprived if we were to lose your contribution.
I suggest you talk to someone more professional. Preacher, Therapist, Parent. They’re all great. Though you didn’t ask for anyone’s opinion, this is mine.
Everyone gets depressed. Many get suicidal. I’ve been there myself. You want someone to talk to? Here I am. People can’t see the future for themselves. That’s just in the nature of what a future is. Don’t get caught up on personal worth. When you get depressed, you lose perspective on it. That doesn’t change the fact that you are extremely important to people.
As someone with a history of depression, let me say “GET TO A DOCTOR”. I know it doesn’t seem worth the effort, I know it’s hard to talk to a stranger about, I know, I know, I know. The most dangerous part of depression is that you don’t FEEL like doing anything about it. You CAN feel better, probably better than you remember. It may require meds, but they can be your friend. About 10 days on meds and I was amazed at the difference. I was afraid they had given me a mood enhancing drug, I felt so great. The sad part is I didn’t remember what it felt like to feel good. Please, get some help. It’s really SO easy to feel better, you’ll be so glad you did. Feel free to email me if you want, I check my mail several times a day.
I think everyone has felt this way at one time or another. I know that I have. It’s not something that you can deal with on your own though. Definitely try to find someone to talk to as Simetra said… a preacher or therapist. If you’d like to e-mail me and tell me more, feel free to. Maybe just having someone non-judgemental to listen to you would help.
I really didn’t expect to get this kind of immediate response from strangers (actually, I didn’t expect to get any response).
Thank you all for your kind words.
I know I should probably go talk to someone, or see a doctor, but I just can’t seem to make an appointment. (and I’m afraid that this may be just another sign that something is wrong)
Plus, I’m not sure if there’s anything wrong, or if I’m just feeling whiney. I hate to bother people with my problems. I can’t help thinking that’s unfair somehow.
I’m just not sure what to do, or if it’s worth the trouble of doing anything at all. Or for that matter why I am bother all of you nice people with my stupid problems.
Thank you all for listening,
and I’m sorry to be a bother
Pandora, hon, you’re NOT worthless. You are, however, depressed. So here’s what you do:
If you’re in college, get thee to the counselor’s office - they have many services and resources you can use.
If you work for a living, see if your employer has something called an Employee Assistance Program - counseling sessions for FREE! You can’t beat that
If you work for a living, don’t have EAP, but do have health insurance, call them up and see what mental health clinics are available to you.
If you don’t have health insurance, let your fingers do the walking to the “mental health” section of your yellow pages and make a couple of calls.
Depression royally sucks - it’s like a huge weight pressing down that won’t let you do anything. So the less you do the worse you feel and the worse you feel the less you do, on and on, til you stop and actually do something - like see a head doc to talk and see a real doc to get some killer medications, like Paxil or Zoloft or any number of SSRIs that actually help you dig yourself out of your hole. While the meds are helping you dig yourself out, the head doc is helping you find out how you got there and how to keep yourself from digging again.
The big thing to remember is that depression is a disease - something in your brain isn’t firing right. Give your brain a tune up before it blows. PLEASE!!!
Doubting the severity is a part of it. It’s pretty much impossible to see your own problems objectively. I have done the same sort of thing. Seeking out a third party (or several) is often extremely helpful.
I didn’t read the entire thread so this may have been said, but if it hasn’t…YOU NEED TO GET HELP!!! You don’t have to live with these feelings. There are people out there who devote their lives to helping others get through their depression.
If you don’t know where to start looking, email me and I will assist you in any way I can. I have some contacts that may be able to give a good reference or at least a starting point for you regardless of your region. Please don’t wait. My email address is wetling@yellowhammer.com oh hell, you can ICQ me too. The number is, 76744294 (authoriztion required).
Being depressed and in pain is not a bother, pandora–it’s not something that you can help.
As the others have said, please get some help. That doesn’t mean you’re being a bother or whiny, or that you’re a failure in some way–it just means you need some help. Lots of people do, you know.
As has been said already, but I feel cannot be over-emphasized: feeling worthless and not wanting to “bother” people with your problems is a symptom of depression. Read that again. The feelings you are having are symptoms of depression.
Lots of people, including myself, suffer from depression, it’s nothing to be ashamed of–but it’s nothing to ignore, either. Sandyr had some excellent suggestions, please please please take them. I’ve been in that black bottomless pit and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. Get some help.
Pandora, everybody here seems to assume you are truly suffering from depression in which case they are correct that the best course would be to get professional help.
But you might want to think about some things. Do you really think you are suffering from depression? Are you depressed for no reason? Does it come from inside? Then yes, you should seek professional help.
But you say you have no social life, etc and this might be the cause. We are social animals and will go crazy without adequate social interaction (I know I would). I think it is too easy to neglect one’s social life and the effects are not felt immediately but they are felt in the longer term. It takes effort to maintain a social life and some of us get lazy about it. The problem is, when you start getting depressed is when you least feel like being social. It feeds on itself.
It could well be that what you are going through is not the result of any chemical imbalance or anything wrong with you, just poor planning of certain aspects of your life.
I can tell you because I have been in such slumps. I feel lousy and don’t want to see anybody… so I feel lousier. Then I’ll go out and have a good time and suddenly the world looks much more attractive.
If this is your case, the antidote is clear: plan an active social life for yourself. Get involved in social activities. even if you have true depression and need professional help, having friends will be immense help.
Many people have problems because they do not have close friends and they do not have close friends because they do nothing to have them. Friends do not just happen. You have to cultivate them and give them time and attention. Often we neglect them and later we feel the consequences.
Like not brushing your teeth daily. Missing a day won’t give you cavities but miss one, another and another and you end up with no teeth and by then it’s too late. You have to think ahead.
Lastly, I would like to share with you a poem that I have always found inspiring in the difficult moments. It was written by a Spanish poet thinking of his young daughter and how difficult the life ahead would be for her: Words for Julia. I hope you also find some inspiration in it.
I was just surfing through and I just happened to come across this thread. I’ve never posted b4, in fact I just became a member earlier tonight, although I have been reading threads for quite some time. I have been feeling quite depressed lately, for the first time since I stopped taking Prozac for depression, and just thought that I needed to get over it, but after reading this thread, I’ve decided to go talk to someone and get help. As I was reading the replies to what Pandora said, it felt as if everyone was talking specifically to me. I really apreciate all the advice that you guys have offered to Pandora and to me without even knowing it. You’ve all helped out so much. Thanks.
I read a book called How to Heal Depression by Harold H. Bloomfield and Peter McWilliams. It’s quite good, and helpful. I appreciated its practical approach to the subject, and at a time when I was worrying about my own mental health, it provided an impetus for me to actually start looking for some help. If you have a library card, or a nearby bookstore, I’d suggest it. Hell, I’ll send you my copy if it comes to that. You’ve already written that you think you might be depressed. From the rest of the stuff you’ve written, I’m pretty sure you’re right about that. Stronger people than you or I have asked for help with depression. And as far as being a bother, what do you think is more worrisome to the people who care about you: seeing you hurting like this, or helping you get better? I’ll wager they’d be positively happy to give you a hand.
My email’s at the bottom of all my posts, and if you want to talk, I check it every day.
I’ve got Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. Like depression, there are no physical signs to deal with. I just get tired easily. I went to a doctor, who said there’s no cure because they don’t know what causes it.
I’ve tried stress tapes, massage, vitamins and had blood tests. (I found out I have a low cholesterol count, so that’s something ).
What really helped me was other people. Talk to family and friends. See a doctor. Look at the advice other posters have given.
Most important: don’t worry about ‘bothering people with your problems’. It’s NOT unfair to ask.
Helping other people is good, and makes us happy. You just have to fight the feeling that it’s not worth doing anything. YES IT IS!
Try a small step first. Phone someone. Go out to meet someone. It’s your decision - improve your life.
Thank you all for your kind words, and extremely good advice. Strangely enough I feel relieved that other people think I may be depressed. It seems to make it easier for me to think about asking for help.
I talked to a friend for awhile last night, and managed to put into words some of things that have been bothering me. I feel somewhat less hopeless this morning. It’s as though figuring out the demons will somehow help me to fight them.
I also found out that my friends (I do have some… I just don’t see much of them because I work long hours) had absolutely no idea of how I have been feeling. I know I tend to internalize my emotions, and I guess that I have to remeber to let people see how I feel before I can expect them to realize that I need help.
Just because they don’t always notice me doesn’t mean they don’t care.
I have made a promise to myself to look into seeing a doctor as well. Mental health care is only marginally covered by my insurance, so it may take a bit of figuring out before I find away to see someone I can afford. But I feel like I need to try. So, my goal for today is to read my insurance information carefully, and find out what my next step should be.
Thank you all! {{{Everyone}}}
Hopefully starting to move in the right direction…
-pandora
