One other thing to be aware of - in very observant homes, you may find that the mirrors are covered. The idea, I have always been taught, is that our own appearances should not be our concern, that attention to the bereaved is to occupy our minds and hearts. Any consideration of our own looks would be needlessly self-centered, and it’s not about us at that time.
Well, my husband has been asked to be a pallbearer, along with the son, son-in-law and grandsons (they are Reform, I guess, to do this). Quite an honor. I have been told there will be a spare yamulke for him. 
Thank you much for all your help. I spoke to the widow last night, and she was amazed at how much I knew about the potential process. As usual, you guys make me look smart. The burial is at Mount Sinai in Los Angeles, a truly lovely spot.
I am now trying to memorize this prayer, phonetically. If I fail, I will just say it in English-
“Hamakom y’nachem etchem b’toch sh’ar availai tziyon ee yerushalayim.” (May God comfort you among all the mourners of Zion and Jerusalem.)
I am also going to read/study the Torah in Norm’s memory for 30 days after the burial. I understand that is a sign of respect.
Perhaps this is true, but just to give you an idea of the level of variation in observance, when we were getting dressed for my grandfather’s funeral, my mom, aunt, sister, cousins, and I basically in unison exclaimed that there was no way we were going to the funeral with no makeup, jewelry, etc, because Grandpop would have wanted “his girls” to look nice. (He was essentially a culturally Jewish atheist, but Grandmom was raised Orthodox and was of the same mind as the rest of us.)
Basically, just go with the flow - everyone will cut you some slack because they will know you probably haven’t dealt with this situation before.
Bingo.
EJsGirl, it sounds to me like you are going above and beyond the call of duty - nothing wrong with that and bless you for it. Memorizing Hebrew prayers and studying the Torah is a lot!
You definitely don’t have to memorize it in Hebrew. Certainly, that you know it at all (English or not) shows an amazing level of care and consideration.
Don’t bring food to the house unless you know what level of kosher, if any, the family keeps. Bear in mind that a lot of non-Orthodox Jews are stricter about keeping kosher at home than they would be at a restaurant or someone else’s home.
There may or may not be flowers at the funeral- that’s considered a non-Jewish custom, though some Jews do it. Check before sending flowers.
I tried to memorize that prayer in Hebrew to say to Mr. Neville’s mother and aunts when I called them after his grandmother died. They were quite impressed that I said it in English. Just say it in English- that will be plenty.
In general, in Conservative Judaism, covering your head is mandatory for men (Jewish or non-Jewish) at a religious service such as a wedding or funeral. Covering your head is generally optional for women, married or not.
If you are expected to cover your hair, a suitable head covering will be supplied. You might want to bring along some bobby pins, though, for you and your husband.
Thank you so much, everyone. This thread really made a difference for me.
The service and burial were today, and it was a very moving service (and a great rabbi). I got the blessing right, I (almost) kept up with the kaddish (it was printed phonetically in the prayer book- should have practiced it beforehand…) and my husband was lead pall bearer. I even remembered to use the backside of the shovel when placing earth in the grave.
Next up, my Torah studies…