I’m a man and I don’t recall completely ignoring a hug ever.
I’ve never had a boyfriend ignore a hug. My husband specifically will actually turn off or pause the TV if I lean over and hug him or kiss him while he is watching so that he can pay full attention to me. If he didn’t respond or pulled away when I was being affectionate that would be a huge sign that something was wrong.
Speech may be half ignored under certain circumstances, but as long as I have a pulse, a hug will always demand my complete attention.
I would never do that to her. She’s come to learn that when I’m busy or focused, I may as well be on another planet. Yet, sometimes, she just want’s a quick connection. I’ll pause what I’m doing to give her the courtesy of acknowledgement/affection, but then let her know I have to get right back to it, or just need some space/quiet. All is well, as we understand each other.
Thanks for that. You wouldn’t believe how often we have this conversation with newbies and they flip out.
This. The whole question pivots around whether or not the guy has a video game controller in his hands or the TV remote. I more-or-less hung up on my fiancee when she called me during the final battle of Dragon Age: Origins last night. I don’t have time to chitchat when I’m trying to slay the Archdemon!*
From the boyfriend’s perspective, you might have been interrupting something important (to him). We Dopers don’t have all the details to tell which it is.
Could he have done better? Sure. Could you have? Maybe. But I think anything more than “Hey man, that’s rude.” within an hour is overreacting. Getting mad is too much. Staying mad is worse, especially if it’s days later.
*She understood, of course. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have done it.
I don’t think the issue is the behavior: the issue is the not explaining, and hoping a “glare” would make the point. It’s getting mad at the girlfriend for initiating the hug.
A brief explanation (Hey, this is a tricky part of the video game, give me a few) would make all the difference.
I expect that kind of behavior from my 6 year old, who is still learning how to, as other posters have said, “use her words”. If she does that, I ask her if we need to turn off the TV and practice being nice.
If my SO did it, I’d be very hurt (and surprised, because it would be very unlike him.) We know how to use our words.
That isn’t to say that we don’t respect each others’ need for decompression or alone time, we do. I need it more than he does, although I’m female, and so I told him, “When I come home from school or work, I need to decompress a bit. I appreciate that you ask me how my day was when I walk in the door, but please understand I can’t always talk about it right away. I need to settle in to my home state of mind first.” It took him about three reminders before he got it, and now he waits until I approach him, and then I can tell him all about it.
I was married to my ex for nearly a decade and he never got it. That lack of respect is one of the reasons he’s my ex.
I always hug back. I don’t always, you know, listen and stuff.
If it’s going to lead somewhere else (you know!) then sure, I’d hug back. Otherwise the best she’s getting from me is a deep sigh as I pause the TV. It’s the only reason for getting Sky+ to be honest.
If you’re reading this SO, I’m j/k, ok…!?
Pause the TV, hug your SO and have a conversation. You only live so long and only get so many chances to connect with another human being. The TV can wait.
My BF isn’t a very affectionate person. If I give him a hug when I’m leaving (or just getting home) and he is busy with something, I’m most likely not getting a hug back. Usually just a grunt and a hi/bye. He does SAY “I love you” all the time though. I think he’s just more of a verbal person.
sangin, if I remember correctly this is your second thread on this topic. put bluntly, if you two are married then you’re headed for counseling sooner or later.
If anyone, male or female, just wants to be left alone to chill out all they have to do is say that: “I want some alone time” or whatever. If you do that, unless the house is on fire or Yellowstone is erupting or something equally catastrophic happens I’ll leave you alone. If you want this as a regular thing - say, first half hour after you get home from work you want to chill out - fine, but tell me that so I’ll know and leave you alone. All that ignoring people, glaring, etc. is passive-aggressive bullshit. I am not a mind reader. You have to tell me what you want and what’s going on between your ears.
Meanwhile, I return the favor by communicating directly and clearly with my partner/spouse/whatever we’re calling them these days.
This makes long term relationships work long term. Go figger.
I an hug someone and watch TV at the same time. What’s the problem?
Seriously though, I always do the hug. The world doesn’t have enought hugs.
A man learns to tune his wife out under certain conditions. It’s not a matter of disrespect in any way. It just seems that the wives only wants attention in the final 2 minutes of a tied championship game,. Anything short of a nuclear attack is ignored in those instances.
I don’t think I’ve ever not returned a hug. In almost every relationship I’ve been in, there’s almost constant physical contact. The only exception is when I’m driving. I don’t like to be touched when I’m driving.
Not on target with the OP, but I heard something recently that the OP made me think of:
If a guy sits down on the couch next to his lady and doesn’t turn on the TV, that’s an implied request for a BJ. 
It depends. I have ignored a girlfriend I was mad at when she tried to hug me rather than address the issue that made me mad. And I had a girlfriend who just couldn’t stop with the hugs because she couldn’t stand not being the center of attention all the time.
You can’t make a person want to hug you. You really, really can’t make a person want to hug you by nagging them about hugs.
That’s kind of a trick statement.
EVERYTHING is an implied request for a BJ.
If you “just glared at the tv” in response to a hug, it was definitely not just because “you were tired and just wanted to sit peacefully by yourself”. It was because you were angry at her for some reason and this was your way of showing it. In my opinion, of course.