Or anyone else who wants to chime in, of course. 
Would you rather your children turned out successful and obnoxious, or nice, well-meaning failures, if those were your only choices?
I know that people can and do change and that people who fail may succeed later, or people who are obnoxious may learn to behave better towards others, but for the purposes of this poll, let’s keep it pure. Rich and obnoxious or poor and decent? Please explain your reasons.
Well, you’ve rephrased the question. I don’t think “poor” = “failure”.
But answering the question as phrased the second time, I’d rather my kids be poor, decent, and happy. I don’t think obnoxious people are really happy, so I’d rather that not happen. I don’t think they can be happy, because they make people around them so miserable, and I think that’s got to get to you, late at night, during the witching hour.
I guess I feel that way because I’m relatively poor, but I think I’m a decent person, and I’m happy with my lot in life. Would more money help? Hell, yes. But not at the cost of becoming the kind of person I don’t like.
I’d rather my kids be rich and obnoxious. At least then I’d know they have the means to keep themselves healthy and comfortable.
Poor isn’t the same as failed. There are lots of great areas to work in that mean you’ll have to make a financial sacrifice; I have a friend who teaches martial arts to kids, he’s great at it, he’s a good influence in their lives, but as he says, you’ll never get rich teaching kung fu to children (especially not the way he does it, without lots of marketing and logos and pressure). He does other stuff too. But I’d never call him a failure; he’s a great person with a happy family and a lot of friends.
I"m a librarian myself. I love doing it, but it will never make me wealthy.
Anyway, I want my kids to grow up good, happy, decent, kind people who do a little bit to make the world better. If they’re poor and honest, that’s better than being obnoxious (dishonest?) and rich.
Okay, let me clarify. I don’t consider poverty to be a failure. Society does. But for the question, define it as ‘always in a terrible financial fix, in debt and having to borrow, about to have one of the utilities turned off or the car repossessed, on the verge of losing everything and either becoming homeless or moving back in with you.’
As for rich and obnoxious, I’m thinking a general range from selfish jerk right up to criminal. Cutting in line, weaving in traffic, making a profit at the expense of little old ladies obnoxious. You know- ENRON EXECUTIVES!
Now you’re REALLY moving the starting post.
No, this wouldn’t be what I’d wish for my kids. But I’m teaching them not to go into debt in the first place. Living within our means is very important to us, even though our means are modest. It means we have only one 12 year old car, instead of two like “everyone else” because the car is all paid for, no repo to worry about. We don’t go to the movies every week like Jimmy’s family, and we shop at the discount grocery store and grow as many veggies as we can in pots. We still rent an apartment, because we don’t have the financial resources to maintain a home, but we also cannot be foreclosed on. We do have a few credit cards and a hellish student loan we’re paying off, but all our purchases now are cash, and that’s what we encourage our kids to notice and emulate.
I think you’ve now set up a false dichotomy instead of an interesting hypothetical, so I won’t play anymore.
I thought I made it really clear in the OP that this wasn’t a real-world question. I’m trying to frame it as a choice of two evils.
Right now I am leaning toward rich and successful and obnoxious. Mostly because I have been, am now, and will continue to struggle for a while and I get so tired of it. So, so tired. I don’t want my kids to struggle the way I have. I don’t want them to know what it’s like to worry that you can’t pay the power bill, or that your kids might get kicked out of daycare because you can’t pay. I keep reminding myself that money isn’t everything, but I think more and more that the people who say that actually have money.
I’m finding myself agreeing with WhyNot. In fact, I could have written her post, except that we now are into the house-and-two-car-owning phase.
Eek. Well I have a friend who was a complete failure for the first 40 years of his life. He was on the verge of homelessness and he has finally got his life kind of together. I guess I would take this over an “Enron Executive”. I would take merely obnoxious and annoying with a somewhat scummy job (lets say successful Personnel Injury Lawyer whose clients see little money from the settlements) over out on the street if I passed away.
Jim
So, the kind of person everyone hates, but hey at least he’s got money, or crying himself to sleep at night because he doesn’t know where the next meal is coming from… I can’t think of a parent alive who wants to make that choice. I’m with Rez. I’m leaning towards rich and obnoxious. I can’t imagine anyone who’s spent a long time with poverty as a bedfellow choosing differently for thier children, but YMMV. But then, the point is kinda moot without the “happiness” variable.
At the end of the day, if my kid can sleep at night and is happy with himself and who he is and what he’s accomplished, then I’m happy for him, whether he becomes a homeless drifter doing good deeds for charities in a tattered coat, or a billion dollar a year slimebag. Besides, there’s always a chance he’ll remember his dear old mother, and give her a retainer to do good works with in his stead.
Now, if you rephrase the question to ask whether -I- would rather be a slimebag millionaire or Mother Theresa in an alley sleeping in a cardboard box at night…I’m sorely tempted to change my screen name to “I’m the Bimbo in the Mazarati That Just Cut You Off On the Freeway”. 
But I don’t think I could stomach taking advantage of people and calling it “success” any more than I would survive 12 hours in a cardboard box.
I don’t think a parent can answer that question without knowing which option makes the child happy. I simply want my kids to be happy, whether it’s a life of luxury and obnoxiousness or poverty and decency. I’ll go along with whichever, as long as they are content with the life they choose.
However, if they’re happy either way, I’ll pick the obnoxious rich option. That way they can pay for my retirement.