A Question For The Male Dopers...

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
21

Subtly, I think there are two questions here. (Or, maybe I just have two answers— )

Most of my female friends I have at least thought… Dang, wouldn’t that be some nice action there… With VERY few exceptions.

On the other hand, if it came down to it. I probably wouldn’t do it. Even if I were not attached… because I would be too afraid of ruining the friendship. There would at LEAST be much discussion first.

But on a whole… yes, secret lust is ever-present! When you are out with the boys… It’s a pretty safe bet that they have looked at you and pictured you naked/ thought about what you would belike… yada yada.

22

In a word: yes. I have yet to have had a female friend that I wouldn’t sack with. This is largely because I don’t like having someone as a girlfriend if we weren’t friends first.

So, IMO, any female friend is a companion in preparation.

In fact, I think that, almost without exception, I don’t become friends with a girl if I didn’t want to have sex with her. Sex is fun; friends are fun; I see no reason why one shouldn’t try and combine the two.

23

In general, I have to make a conscious decision to not sleep with my female friends. I actually have a list of reasons why I shouldn’t.

[ol]
[li]I value the friendship more than the sex[/li][li]I don’t want to hurt anyone[/li][li]I don’t want to cause jealousy between friends[/li][li]I don’t want my friend/sex partner to develop unreasonable expectations[/li][/ol]

I came up with these reasons because, unchecked, I would use the concept of friendship as a tool to get into women’s pants. This would lead to all sorts of trouble and chaos, none of which I really needed. The list of reasons has served me well.

In only a few cases have I chucked the reasons. This was because I actually started to become infatuated or fell in love with the female friend. Did the relationships work out? Not all of them but I have no regrets for sleeping with those women.

Yeah, it’s tough to fight against one’s impulses and biological nature. Though, if a man can establish friendships with women without having sex, it has been my experience that his life will be richer for it. On top of that he may even meet the woman of his dreams.

Hi, Rasa!

24

If they were subconscious fantasies, how would you know you had them?

25

Well . . . okay, this is going to sound really “Oh gosh, I’m just the sexiest thing ever”, but here goes:

There are various friends I have who have told me they would be interested in sex (or some form of it) if I were in their general area. And of course this is reciprocated.

There are also plenty of friends I have in whom I have no sexual interest. They’re nice to look at, but they have some . . . unredeeming personal qualities that make then unattractive in that sense.

So I’ll say that I lust after the ones who lust after me, and that’s about it. And I have always been friends with someone for a while before getting involved any more than that. FWTW.

26

I can’t think of any female friends (well, of those around my age and such) who I’d turn down if they offered to share the futon. But there’s a qualifier to that: it depends on the context. While I was in college, two different and highly attractive female friends of mine offered sex on two occasions, and I turned them down. The reason: each time, they had just gone through breakups and were very upset, and I wasn’t going to take advantage of that. That’s just…caddish. So, yes to carefree sex with friends, but not in every circumstance.

I’d like to turn this around and ask the females, and maybe I should do this in a separate thred: why do women seem to exclude male friends from the pool of guys they’d like to have sex with? The usual answer I’ve heard is, “I wouldn’t want to mess up the friendship,” but honestly, you’re friends, so you know you get along great and like each other already. Wouldn’t that make it so much better? And even if you eventually broke up, at least you tried for something greater instead of settling for something comfortable, right?

27

In the interests of Science :)…
I asked one of my male friends-who I find incredibly hot, who has an SO and knows about SP-if he ever thought of me in that way.

His answer?

“That SP is one lucky sob. Yes, I’ve thought about how you’d be in bed,especially after that birthday lap dance you gave me. When I see that naughty sparkle in your eyes I wonder how they’d look as you came.”

I need a cold shower RIGHT NOW.

28

Yes. :slight_smile:

But I always end up as the guy whose shoulder women want to cry on when they’re having trouble with their boyfriends.

29

Nope…I have lots of female friends I wouldn’t sleep with…or want to because it would ruin the friendship and you can’t have too many friends…and besides, I agree with virtee…you might have a friend turn into something more :slight_smile:

Keith

30

I think some people are missing the point of the question. It’s not if you would sleep with the female friend, just if on some level you’ve thought about it.

Am I right, hardygrrl?

Cuz I wouldn’t sleep with my female friends, since I’m spoken for and all, but I have thought about it.

31

Crunchy’s right.
The question is not if you’d sleep with them but have you thought about it?
That cold shower did help. :slight_smile:

32

OH! Have we THOUGHT about it?!! Well hell yeah. All men are not pigs, however. We can be friends with women who we do not consider attractive. We just don’t think about kissing every square inch of them :smiley:

33

I’m a little young for that, but I’d gladly make out (yah yeah, shaddup) with most of my female friends, excluding mabye only 2. One of them smokes and the other just doesn’t do it for me.

34

As previous posters have said, almost all men think about sex on the slightest provocation.

As a respectable teacher myself, of course one mustn’t think about pupils in that way.

Luckily I’m now old enough to lust after the mothers! *

*I won’t actually do anything, but it’s nice to dream…

P.S. I wonder if men fantasise about lesbians because we both like women?

35

Birthday lap dance? Dear lady, it is with rare exception that a male can experience a lap dance without thinking about having sex with the dancer. Not that they would actually do it, but the fantasy is definitely there.

Now I shall slink off and sadly think about the fact that none of my beautiful lady friends gave me a birthday lap dance. Sigh.

36

Blackclaw,
All my friends, male and female,usually get a birthday lap dance Especially if we’ve been drinking all night and the dj plays someting like RumpShaker or Shook Me All Night Long.

37

<Grin> It’s cool, how many of us altered the O.P. to look a bit more noble. However, I must stand up sheepishly and admit that as far as the true O.P. goes, yes. Yes, I’ve thought about sleeping with all of my female friends.

The thing is this. Most of my friends are female, including the divine and complicated Miss A. She and I had our 20th anniversary as pals last September. I’ve been in her life through the whole meshpuchah, as they say in the schtetl. One night, in 1983 in the summertime, I was sleeping over her place since I was working on a Billy Joel music video and couldn’t get home at nights. The couch sucked and so after the first restless night I just said, " Look, Miss A, may I sleep in your bed tonight?" She didn’t blink an eye, we’d never been about sex or romance or anything of that ilk.

We actually laughed like it was a sleepover, when it was time to lay down and go to bed. Off to sleep we went, not even a g’night hug.

I get up to pee at like 2:30 a.m. Her friend B, the brilliant and darkly funny gay male writer was in the other bedroom. I stood there in the hallway. For the only time in my entire life, I admitted to myself that I badly wanted to bed either of them. At that moment. I was feeling safe enough to consider that possibility. Not the last Bi moment I’ve had, but the first to be sure. :wink:

Since B had no clue I was drawn to him, that was out the window. I walked back in to A’s room, and there she lay, sound asleep. T shirt slid up under her bosom, panties snug as a bug in a rug. I was embarassed that I’d even looked. Ruefully, I got back into bed, and went to sleep.

Some lines are delicious to debate inside, and insidious to cross when the light of day or cool fire of moonlight is upon me. Miss A is still a dear friend, she and I have joked about how it’s a really good thing we never became lovers. I believe we will be friends until we’re old.

So yeah, I think about it. I think that’s how I/we as men are wired. So be it. I love my female friends, and if any one of them offered up the chance, I’d turn 'em down flat. My heart and soul are in one place, but my love and friendship don’t know international borders :slight_smile:

Cartooniverse

38

I’m female, and (mostly) sleep with men. I also tend to be attracted to many of my friends, both male and female.

I have a hard time trusting people to the extent that I will have sex with them. I usually ONLY become attracted to someone AFTER I have been friends with them for some time, gotten to know them, etc… This does sometimes mean I run up against the dreaded “I’d like to do you, but I’d hate to ruin the friendship” line. Grrr. If you can’t sleep with soemone you know and like, who are you planning on sleeping with? The flip side of this is that I generally remain good friends with someone if they turn me down, or vice versa. I mean, we were good friends before one of us made an offer, so why change anything?

I see no problem with (mentally) drooling over my friends, I just don’t let it out. No one should have to deal with a friend constantly hitting on them.

39

I think that men are genetically wired to believe they could have any woman they wanted. So at least the passing thought of bedding every woman is inevitable.

40

To the OP:

Some we do, some we don’t.

As far as * When Harry Met Sally *, all the ones who look like Meg Ryan, we do.

Could be an interesting thread…why don’t you?

HG, if I happen to be in the area in 10 months and 2 days, will you be my friend? :smiley: