A question for women, how great an accomplishment is it to be thin

In My Humble Opinion
21

Oh, yes.

The thing is, I like food. I try not to eat without paying attention to my food. I always notice the taste of what I’m eating, and I don’t eat anything that I don’t actually like. (Are there people who just eat, regardless of what it is?) So I’m not just shoveling stuff madly into my face. But it’s a two-sided thing. I often wish I could lose the desire to eat. When I had my own gall bladder troubles, I barely ate for several weeks. I simply lost my appetite almost completely. I was just too sick to think of food. That was the only good thing about the whole episode.

22

I can understand why women feel that way, and have felt it myself. Nothing gets you bigger congrats from female friends than dropping a dress size - how many times do you see women greet each other with “OMG, you look amazing! Have you lost weight?” I did it myself with a formerly fat friend I saw at Christmas, then went home in an agony of self-loathing at how good she looked, when I used to be the skinny one.

Recently though, I’ve had a change in thought and attitude when I realised something: I was at my thinnest when I was at my unhappiest. I was desperately poor, in a terrible relationship, and too depressed to be bothered to eat. I asked myself if I would swop what I have now for what I had then, and of course, the answer was no, no way, never in a million years. Not for the best figure in the universe.

23

Well, lessee –

I overcame a background of abuse and neglect
I have co-written one book with my sister
I have overcome some unpleasant health difficulties
I have dealt with infertility and have come to peace with where I’m at now
I’m dealing with some problems in my marriage, but hanging in there
I graduated with my B.A. (cum laude) in English after having worked full-time and attended school full-time and had multiple surgical procedures at the same time
I now have a brand new career that’s eating me alive
I’m working on other book projects

. . .

but I’m fat. I’ll admit to feeling out of control with food. I eat when I’m happy; I’m eat when I’m worried or depressed or anygry. I realize it’s not healthy, but it’s how I cope. I’m sick and tired of people feeling that because they can see that I’m fat, my problems are their business. I’m tired of my husband telling me how easy it is to lose weight. I’m tired of being made to feel like I’m of less worth than another individual who is slim. Yes, I’d love to be slim and healthy. I don’t know how to do it. That doesn’t mean I don’t know how to eat right (because I do), and that doesn’t mean I don’t understand how weight loss works (because I do). What it means is that I don’t know how to deal with everything else that’s trying to eat me alive right now, and I’ve got more important things to deal with.

I have found a place to shop that stocks attractive, affordable, well-fitting clothes for my size. I take care of myself, and I think I’m a beautiful woman. I look good. If someone thinks only people who fit into a certain body weight are attractive, well, then that person won’t find me attractive. But to a person who looks at the whole picture, I think I’m an awesome person.

24

This describes me perfectly. I was obese - about 4 years ago I joined WW - lost the weight. April 21 will be three years for me at/below my goal weight - and I still obsess. I love food - I love to cook. I love to eat - and I still do. I can definitely be obsessive. There’s a part of me that says - “Counting works for you - you don’t want to go back to the way you were, do you? You like being able to reach in your closet, put an outfit together, and know you look good? You’ve read the stories of people who stop counting & put it back on - you don’t want that do you?”. Then there’s the other part of me that says - “But you’re counting & re-counting. You’re eating stuff that you don’t necessarily want at the end of the day, because you didn’t reach the minimum for the day. You’re teetering on the brink of a binge.” It’s unhealthy, I know.

I don’t binge & purge - I eat - but I know rationally that I am on the hairy edge.

Susan

25

N. Sane, I’d like to read that book.

As for the OP, I’ll just say that I’ve always been real skinny, which has let me in for some hostility from other women, and I myself have never liked my body. On the other hand, when I decided to gain a few pounds, it was hard psychologically to allow myself to do. I was terrified of becoming fat. Sometimes, not being fat was the only thing I could say I liked about myself. I couldn’t even call it an “accomplishment” either!

26

My last post sounds awfully insensitive when I read it back. All that rambling was meant to make the point that for women, weight is very closely tied to self-esteem, as are looks in general, so I completely understand that weight loss is an important achievement. It’s like beating an addiction and the people who reach their goals are rightfully proud of what they have been able to do.

27

:confused:

There’s a double-data rate diet for geeks?

28

I’m happy with my weight/size. I’m 140-something (I don’t own a scale.) and 5’8" which makes me reasonably thin, but not unhealthily thin. But despite liking my body and being happy with my size, I still obsess over food. I worry almost every day that I’ve eaten too much. (I don’t diet and I don’t starve myself though. For example, I’ve had a nice bowl of ice cream every day for the last 4 days. And really enjoyed it every time!) But I do spend a LOT of time thinking about what I’m going to eat, planning, cooking, eating, and then thinking about what I ate. If I’m upset, I’m even more likely to think about it and/or to give in to cravings. It’s just really hard not to obsess.

And to the OP, I do feel that it is an accomplishment for me to keep my weight where it is. It’s not as big as going to grad school, but then again in some ways it is. Grad school was temporary, and getting the degree was a momentus thing. But it was a one-time thing, and now it’s done and over. Keeping my weight steady, feeling good about how I look, and having people check me out is an on-going thing. It’s a little positive feedback every day, and I certainly don’t get that from the degree hanging on my wall. I suppose I could look up at it and think “Go me! I have a Master’s degree” but somehow it just doesn’t have the same impact, which really is unfortunate, but true.

29

I’m not particularly overweight but I’m always battling those last five pounds. It’s insane the amount of attention and focus I waste on my weight. Intellectually, I know that’s crap but deep down I’d trade ten IQ points to have the “perfect” figure…

30

Sadly, a woman’s worth is often tied to her looks, so I’m sure losing a large amount of weight would feel like a huge accomplishment. It’s easy to look at an overweight woman and feel judgmental.

I don’t know why that is, because it’s wrong and mean, but it does go through my head sometimes. Especially at work, with higher ups who are fat. Oh, the things that go through my head. But, I guess as long as I don’t say it out loud…

I’ve been lucky as far as weight goes, but then, I’ve always worked out and kept a healthy diet. So, I don’t consider my looks an “accomplishment,” I consider it part good genetics and some hard work, and I always consider it a choice. Even if I had terrible genetics, there’s no way I would let myself get fat.

31

I totally sympathize with this.

In my entire post-pubescent life, I have never been smaller than a size 12. Currently, I flutter between 16 and 18, and have been doing so for quite a few years (for the record, I’m five-foot-nothing).

Any woman in my situation can tell you how difficult it can be to be “fat.” I live in the New York Metro Area, which means that men expect their women to be even thinner than usual. I don’t get a lot of dates, despite being intelligent, witty, honest, at least mildly charming, and any number of other things that can be considered advantages in the dating world. I spend a lot of time being an extra wheel on group outings with my thinner, more dateable friends.

But you know what? I like me. I don’t think I’m morbidly obese, and I’m okay with that. I’m chubby. Maybe I’m even chunky. But I’m not disgusting, and I’m not disgusted with myself. This is who I am. When I was a kid, I tried to diet, mostly because my mother suggested it, or because I felt out of place beside the other girls I knew. But it doesn’t really work. Never has. I’ve never worn a single-digit dress size, and I don’t expect I ever will. I watch my friends starve themselves and count calories and give up carbs and stairmaster until their legs catch fire, and I think nothing more than “Well, if it’s what she wants, that’s fine. I, on the other hand, am going to go have dinner.”

I can’t say it doesn’t feel good when I discover that I can buy a “large” rather than an “extra large.” And it might be that I’m a little lazy, but more than anything else, I feel I shouldn’t have to change in order for the world at large to accept me. I can honestly say that the only area in which my weight works against me is the Land of Romance, but do I want to spend the next year fighting my natural inclinations for pasta and a night on the couch watching movies just to meet someone who wouldn’t look twice at me when I was fat? Is that the person I want? Is it the person I want to be? I don’t think so.

I’ve been miserable in my life, and I’m sure I will get miserable again every now and then. I’d rather be fat and happy than thin and depressed, personally. If my refusal to lose weight for the benefit of others manages to keep me single for the rest of my life, so be it. I’ll get thirty cats and sit on my porch with a shotgun. But dammit, I’ll enjoy myself, and eat ice cream while I do it.

32

Wow. Abbie, I could have said the exact same thing about my family. It would never be spoken out loud, but I know how much importance is put on looks and weight in my family. My mom and her sisters are thin and beautiful. Her brothers are handsome and fit. My male cousins are all handsome and fit. My female cousins are beautiful, thin and shapely.

Until I was about 22, I had the perfect body too. Then I ballooned and gained at least 50 pounds. My mom told me that once when I came home from college for a visit, when she saw how much weight I had gained since the last visit, she cried. I’m 29 now. I had lost some of it, like 30 pounds after college, but gained it all back. It was devastating for my parents. Now I was the ONLY chunky member of my family, and I knew that everyone was judging me.

Finally, just in the past few months, I have made my best effort yet to lose the weight. I have lost almost 30 pounds so far and am determined to lose at least another 20. Part of it is that I have a very strong motivation - a new boyfriend who I am totally in love with. But the reaction I get from my family is amazing. You would think I found a cure for cancer. They say they just want me to be happy, but it still hurts that so much attention is paid to my weight. But still, I am a slave to it.

I have had so many other awesome accomplishments with school and career and other things, but the focus is on looks. It’s never explicitly said, but everyone knows it.

The “daddy’s little girl” side of me is the most affected. I have felt so ashamed for years because I worry so much about what my dad thinks of me. He would never say it, but I know that it pains him that his once-skinny beautiful daughter is overweight. He bought me a $500 membership to a gym for Christmas. My parents have promised me a $1,000 shopping spree for new clothes. They are even probably going to give me a trip to Cancun that they have saved up - my mom said, “you know, if you keep losing the weight, by summer I know dad will agree that we should give you the trip to Cancun!”

Anyway, to answer the question… yes, I feel like losing weight is the hardest thing I have ever done. If I get to where I want to be, yes, it will be my best accomplishment. In comparison, college was easy, work is easy. All the other things I have done that I am proud of were much easier than losing the weight. It’s really sad, isn’t it. But that is the world we live in.

33

I commend you for this attitude; it’s one I’m striving toward. Everything is so much better when I can think that way–and actually, I tend to lose a few pounds in that state. Not all the weight, not by a long shot, but I drop to around a size 14 from a 16 without actually trying, just because I’m able to feel comfortable with myself. Even then I still think about getting down to a 10 or so (which, at 5’6 with naturally wide hips is probably the smallest I’d ever be able to get), but I don’t feel like I’m a bad human being for not going ahead and doing it.

It’s just those times when I can’t think that way…Ugh. But then, in that mindset I’d feel fat and ugly even if I were a size 6 and had the face of an angel.

34

Put me down for 30.

I’ve known people of all levels of intellect and sizes. It’s okay to be stupid if you’re beautiful. If you’re smart and fat, nobody cares. I wouldn’t be happy knowing I was stupid, but dumb, pretty girls seem to have a lot easier time of it than even the most brilliant fat girls.

I think everyone in the world has this problem. I know that nobody would respect me if they could read my mind. I think some pretty bad stuff sometimes, too.

No disrespect here. I’m not saying that you don’t know your own mind, but when I hear thin people say stuff like this it makes me laugh. Nobody knows what they’d REALLY do in a situation until they’re in it. You’ve never been fat, thus you’ve never had a fat mentality.

Yeah, maybe you would do whatever you had to do to stay thin. Or maybe, like a lot of us, you’d keep banging your head against the wall, trying over and over and over again until you finally are so beaten down by it that you give up, or resort to something drastic.

Especially when you are literally born like this, there’s only so much failure you can take until you either risk your life and get surgery, or just try to find a way to accept yourself as you are.

And yes, you can be born fat. I was. Yeah, I’m losing weight now, slowly, because I know what giving up would entail. I’d never stop gaining weight, probably, and I figure I owe it to myself and my family to KEEP trying until I figure this thing out for myself. Everything else being equal, though, I think overcoming a drug addiction would be a walk in the park compared to losing weight.

35

I’ve never really considered losing weight an accomplishment, but I have also never had much trouble losing weight. I was diagnosed last year with hypothyroidism, and this year the extra X-mas lbs didn’t seem to want to come off as quickly, but then I had my dose of synthroid adjusted and they went. I’m just not a real big person.

However, my mom is much shorter than I am, and has struggled with her weight my whole life (probably her whole life as well), so I can certainly emphathise with someone in that position. -

36

It’s not an out-of-control feeling, exactly, more of an out-of-balance feeling. For me, my weight and eating habits are like trying to walk a tightrope with an inner-ear infection–I just can’t seem to catch my balance and keep falling off the goddam thing. It’s mostly that I know the most effective way of controlling your weight is to watch what you eat, but I’m scared of becoming food-obsessed.

We all know That Woman, the one who’s constantly thinking and talking about how many calories/fat grams/carbs are in her lunch or someone else’s, about how many calories she’s had this week, about how she’s going to have to exercise for x amount of time to burn off that spoonful of ice cream, blah blah blah blah. I don’t want to be That Woman. I hate being around That Woman for short periods; I don’t think I could live with her the rest of my life. I’d rather look like a beached whale and shop exclusively at MuumuusRUs for the rest of my life than become That Woman.

At the same time, though, I worry about my health. I’ve got a truly impressive family history of heart disease, and I’m scared of putting Dr.J through what we’ve gone through with my father. I saw my mother’s face when the surgeon told us about the prognosis for Daddy’s bypass, and the idea that I might put that look on his face because I just randomly shovel crap into my face all the time just breaks my heart.

So I try to walk the tightrope of being mindful of what I eat–not just randomly scarfing crap, but not obsessing about it either. I always lose my balance and fall off, and because of my fear of becoming That Woman I always fall onto the randomly scarfing side.

37

I’ve never had to lose a bunch of weight, but I do harbor a fear of becoming overweight, because I fear that that would make me appear unfeminine, which is a deep seated phobia of mine.

If you add up all the time I’ve spent in the gym, walking around the walking path at the park, planning and preparing meals that are healthy (lots of steamed rice and vegetables), it doesn’t add up to more time than I spent getting my PhD. yet, but it time it will.

But I don’t think it’s something I think of as an accomplishment in and of itself, so much as something that allows me to enjoy my other accomplishments. If I were to become fat, I can see how that could become the focus of my life and not let me enjoy the other good things.

38

Well, I’m a man, but I think it’s the same for anyone.

Back at the beginning of 2000, I weighed 270 lbs. By August of that year I weighed 210. I lost 60 lbs, and was 4 pants sizes smaller (went from a 42 to a 36).

I just got done getting my second master’s degree.

Know which one made me happier? Yep… the weight loss, even though I’ve gained most of it back.

The reason the weight loss was more gratifying is because it was more difficult. Graduate school wasn’t really that hard, while losing 60 lbs took a LOT more dedication and discipline than getting through a second-tier MBA program and a MS program ever came close to requiring.

There were the added benefits of more attention from the ladies, etc… but the fundamental thing that made me happy was the feeling of accomplishment and having met a challenge.

39

This is such a depressing subject.

I always thought that I’d be able to keep genetics at bay with healthy eating and lots of regular exercise. Then, last year, I switched birth control pills (the new one was cheaper; I needed the cash) and proceeded to gain about 25 pounds over the 8 months I was on that pill - it was all fat and put me up to a 24.5 BMI from a 21.5 or 22. During that time, I trained for a marathon, sometimes running 35 or 40 miles a week (and not eating any more than I normally did). The weight came steadily on. And the scary thing was, I gained weight in places I’d never had it before, like my upper arms and my abdomen/rib cage area. I would look in the mirror and think, “Who is that person? She looks nothing like me!” It was really scary to all of a sudden be so much bigger and shaped differently, because I HADN’T DONE ANYTHING WRONG. I never ate junk. I exercised all the time. I gained weight anyway.

Finally, I went off that pill. I kept gaining weight. Every time I’d ever gone off a BCP before, I’d lost weight instantly, usually getting to be too thin. But not this time. I think it really messed up my metabolism. Finally, I started eating 1200 calories a day and working out 5-6 days a week for an hour to 1.5 hours at a time. And SLOWLY, slowly I started to lose the weight. I’ve still probably got 10 pounds to go. For me, it’s difficult because my normal diet has never contained junk food. I’ve always exercised regularly, and I have a lot of muscle tissue (more genetics) so weight training does nothing for me but bulk me up further.

But recently I bought some pairs of 7/8 jeans. Most, but not all of my pre-evil-pill clothes fit. I’d like to get back down to a 6, but I don’t know if that will ever happen. Mostly, I’d like to look in the mirror and be able to say, “There she is! I’m back!”

Intellectually, I know that my body image is slightly dysmorphic and it’s irrational to feel such a huge accomplishment when I realize I’ve gotten smaller (I took my measurements this weekend; I’d lost an inch in my waist since my previous measurement and I did a mental happy dance all day afterward). I had some near-anorexic months in high school and I know that I’m not very far from that again at any given point. It’s so hard to balance out what I know (intellectually) to be healthy and attractive against the feeling of power and control I get from knowing I’ve just burned 400 calories in 30 minutes on the elliptical trainer because I pushed myself so hard, and to know that I cancelled out my lunch by doing that.

40

[rambling]
Lately, I have started to feel sorry for thin women.

Yes, sorry.

I am not talking about the naturally thin woman who are probably in the less than 20% part of the population. And thin women who smoke most definately do not count.

I am talking about the Gym Rat and, more than likely, obsessed about the diet/food than…you know, real life.

To be so obsessed with a number. A freaking number is…obsessive. I am starting to beleive that the only truly skinny women in this world are all hired by Hollywood. Thus explaining the lack of acting skills, because who cares if they can act when their clothes look grrrreat on them.

Go to a waterpark one day with your kids. Yeah, you will feel like a beached whale in your outdated LLBean Swimsuit from the Modern Nun Collection. But just go and take a good look around at all the other women and their bodies. They are all different shapes and sizes. Some pudgy. Some fat. Some not-so-bad. Some kinda keeping themselves in shape. And a handful of Thar-she-blows. There will be one token skinny gal. Jennifer Anniston-Nichole Kidman kinda skinny. And she will wear a bikini that will make you cry in pure jealousy. She is the 1% factor.
I am 5’3. Small boned. According to a bunch of medical charts, I should weigh about 120. Honey, I haven’t weighed that since I was 25. ( and I thought I was a porker then. HA!)

I am about 160. All of it is belly flab or thighs ( I use to be quite athletic and my thighs were very strong from biking, walking and weight training.) Some of it is boobage that I would love to lose a cup size, and I’m only a B. Gah, I don’t know how big busty chickies do it. My cholosteral is a little high, but my blood pressure is perfect.
Going to the gym four to five times a week for a hour or so is a great form of stress relief, but it is a very self-obsessed, self-absorbed life. It is also fookin’ boring after awhile. Gyms, you may notice, seem to have a specific age group that is their target audience. 18-mid 30’s. with the usual token skinny perky instructors who all look like they’ve faked-n-baked too long and their faces are looking a little Jack Palance-ish or over-steroidish. If you know what I mean.

There will be an occaisional sighting of an older person. the reason for this is pretty simple: Once you have kids, and you get some free time, do you seriously want to spend it on the Treadmill of the Damned when you are already mentally whuupped from your day of work/kids/house/traffic/husband humping your leg for sex when all you really want to do is soak in a nice.hot.bubble.bath.reading.some.mentally.useless.trashy.romance.novel?
You can clearly see where I would pick in this matter.

Yeah, we all need to move more, eat better but most importantly, above all else, we need to get comfortable in our own skins.

The way I look at is this: If you have to work out five to six hours a week in a gym and paying dues, to keep yourself looking in OK shape that you will probably never be happy with anyways, you are wasting 5 to six hours of your week on futility. ( ok, it is good for the heart, etc.) But the point of it all is To Exercize to re-energize your spirit and body. Not compete with the Size 2 on Treadmill #3.

An exercize should be something that is done for pleasure and realtively cheap. Walking is free. Swimming at a community pool is very cheap. Biking riding is very cheap in the long run. We have been conditioned by constant bombardment from TV and print ads that * W Must Join Something In order To Lose.*. Remember kiddies, we are all losers individually. We just have to be more determined.:slight_smile:

Humans have a huge lemming mentality. We also are being conditioned by The Man and The Institution to want to subscribe to Everything.

People go to Curves, Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, The Gym because a) they want to change themselves which is good b) but eventually, it becomes a Guilt Trip because of the monthly dues. Oh, I have to go, it’s 45 a month and if I don’t use it… that always has a catch.

[rant that is possibly coherent.]
I recently received a Come back to us offer for the gym I quit three years ago. For a very low fee of $15 a month. That is cheap…and I would use it for probably four months or so, then the kids are out of school and I would fall off the wagon again and find out it takes 4 months for the quitting to be in effect so I would be paying to quit while I am not actually going and BTW, the free child care there just sucks because they never tell a Bad Mommy that she can’t park her croupy coughing precious baby in the daycare because she is…y’know sick…so my kids, who are not sick, get sick too and it costs me well over $200 in co-pays and RX’s and gym fees that I am paying for that I can’t attend because I have morals and will not park my sick kids in the kiddie corral there. But, I digress.

[/rant]

Working out with a group or a friend is very beneficial, but you don’t have to pay to do it. Hell, you can go to a local county/state park and pay $30 or so for a year and walk all you want on groomed trails. You can even take your dog. ( provided you pick up poops.) And your dog will always want to go for a walk.
In contusion, if anyone is actually still reading this mess, I would like to say:

Fat people are harder to kidnap.