In Paul Campos’s book the obesity myth he mentions a leading feminist (I can’t remember her name) who also had a doctorate and was a famous pundit. This feminist who was chubby and lost weight said to him something along the lines of ‘even though I accomplished alot in a male dominated field, I make great money and I have an advanced degree, fitting into a size 6 dress was a greater accomplishment’ and her bemoaning how bad it felt tolhave her priorities that way and for her self worth to be so tied to her weight.
So for those of you women who are overweight, would you consider losing weight to be a major accomplishment, even moreso than getting advanced college degrees, or being great parents, or being good people or being in the top 10% of wage earners?
I know its not likely people are going to come out and say ‘I felt like losing weight was a better accomplishment than being a good parent’ even if its true but its worth a shot to ask it anyway.
This is really screwed up, but probably the best I ever felt about myself, in spite of everything, was when I had (because of severe depression) literally starved myself down to just under 100lbs. It really did feel like a great accomplishment to get into a size 2 pair of pants. I’m 5’3" and now currently trying to shake about 15 or so pounds so I can get down that small again. This time I’m using DDR and trying to just eat healthier, but if I really had the resolve to starve myself, I probably would. Alone, I can simply not eat, but when you have friends around you eating all the time it’s much harder.
It’s screwed up, I know, but I have a lot of weight issues. I was picked on and shunned a lot as a kid because I was fat, even my (fat) parents picked on me, so there you have it.
I did a comic about it, where I was trying on a dress, and even though it looked fine (I rationally know it looks fine) I still looked/felt like a total lardass to myself in the mirror, and I threw the dress away. A lot of guys wrote to ask what it meant, because they didn’t get it, but I knew/know a lot of other ladies who feel exactly the same way.
Well, I am getting a Ph.D. with what has been, for me, the same amount of effort as every other stage of my schooling. I try like heck to lose weight, though, and it doesn’t work. So yeah, getting down to a size 6 would be a major accomplishment.
Ditto the PhD thing. The PhD might mean more in the abstract, but I’d definitely feel accomplished if I could lose and keep off the excess poundage I’m carrying around.
Being a good girlfriend, daughter, sister, friend, and eventually parent is a bigger accomplishment, but it’s rare that you get any concrete evidence as such–certainly nothing like, “Hey, I fit in these teeny tiny little jeans now!” or “Look at this pretty piece of paper the university just gave me!” That makes it harder to really feel the accomplishment.
{b]Wesley**, thanks for asking. Interesting question.
I am 5’3’ and small-boned. When I was in my twenties, I could have weighed anywhere from 105 to 130 and have been reasonably healthy. Sometimes I did weigh as low as 125, but I always wanted to weigh less. At that time I think it probably was more important to me than an advanced degree or lots of money. The most important thing to me was being pretty and being married.
With the women’s movement, I began to gain confidence. Being independent and strong became increasingly important. By then I already had my degree and could teach. I began to travel felt comfortable in my skin. When I was thirty, I married. Then I gained weight.
I became obese. At 300 pounds, that pretty much defined who I was. My confidence was gone. I was depressed. For years.
In my fifties, I had surgery and lost half of the weight. I don’t have to weigh 125 to be happy with my self anymore. Money isn’t it either. And it’s not degrees. It’s the moment. It’s savoring. Because I’m more relaxed with myself, I seem to be able to be a little more patient with others.
I’m sorry, I lived with a girl whose self worth was tied to her weight and she was annoying to live with and truly unhealthy, but wouldn’t and still won’t listen to anyone who says that, because she is now an 8 or a 10, rather than a 16 or an 18. Sure losing weight feels good, I have to agree, but when it’s the greatest accomplishment you’ve ever had, then you are sick or have led a life I couldn’t imagine. However, is you have the mind set that thin is good and thinner is better, it can be a downward spirl into eating disorders and destroying your health. And while the girl I lived insisted she was happy and that her rather insane diet caused her no problems, when we would suggest doing something or going somewhere where she might be tempted or where there wasn’t enough vegetables to make her happy, she’d start screaming at us for not respecting her or her efforts to stay thin.
I struggled with my weight basically my whole life, and finally decided I’d get it under control by the time I was 30 - which I did, I’m now in the midpoint of my healthy weight range with 6 months to go!
It takes a lot more than self control sometimes to lose the weight - I had to look at the emotions behind why I confort ate, ate when I wasn’t hungry etc. So it is both a triumph over body and mind, and in that regard, is a much harder thing than a lot of other things I had done.
I also felt totally in control of myself, and that’s a great feeling. No more frustration or guilt if I ate something I shouldn’t etc, or couldn’t find things to wear. And that’s not related to the ‘sex-appeal factor’ - it probably equates to someone who can’t stop gambling etc - that out of control feeling. Mastering that feels great.
It’s probably always going to be something I need to focus on, so I’m sure I’ll get neurotic from time to time (apologies to now and future boyfriends!)
A lot of women see weight loss as a great accomplisment mostly because of the importance that the media places on being thin. “Thin=Beautiful”, and all that other crap.
I had gallstones 5 years ago and was very sick for months before it was diagnosed. I went from about 140lbs (I’m 5’3") to 115 lbs. Sounds like an average weight for my height, but for my build it was too thin. My cheeks were hollow and I could see all of my ribs - it was kind of scary. And yet, never did I get more compliments on how good I looked than I did during that time - when I was sick and literally starving.
Doing something that requires discipline (if indeed your weight issues can be resolved by discipline) definitely make you feel great about yourself. Like it’s one more monkey off of your back.
However, some of my other accomplishments (related to talents and education) are what really give me a sense of pride. The weight thing? It’s a different kind of pride. I won’t deny that society is selling us a load of bullshit and is trying to tell us that we’re nothing if we’re not thin. I’m not saying that I haven’t fallen prey to that line at times. But deep down, it’s the accomplishments that are unique to me that give me the most satisfaction. It took a while to get there, though. Like others have said, the instant positive feedback from being thin is pretty powerful.
Granted, I’ve never been obese, so I can’t really speak for those who have and have since lost weight - I suspect it’s much different for them because the weight changes your life more - it’s uncomfortable to be obese, you can’t do physical activities, and the social impact is much greater. But I’ve been big and I’ve been medium/normal (about a 30 pound swing for me), and my general happiness and outlook on life sure as hell had nothing to do with either. I don’t have a PhD, so I can’t compare it to that, either.
Sure, it’s nice to fit into those size 10s (my smallest size pants - I’m 5’6") but really, my life is about the same whether I’m wearing those or the 14s.
Before christmas vacation my mom told me no Indian guy would ever marry me unless I lost weight (I’m 5’3" and I was a size 6…I was at the higher end of normal on BMI). Now I’m close to a 22 BMI and every single time I see my parents they tell me how wonderful and perfect I look (I’m a few weeks away from a size 4 now). I would not rate this as an accomplishment but I am somewhat obsessed with it, eat a 1200 calorie diet and exercise like crazy, as I would like to never be talked to in that manner again. And hurtful as it is, I sort of agree with my mom, Indian men have somewhat psychotic standards when it comes to women (no offense to any Indian men out there) and I really wasn’t meeting them.
Losing weight is a greater accomplishment than pretty much anything, provided we are talking about non-surgical weight loss. I have no problem with people who have WLS; I’d do it in a heartbeat if God would let me (believe you me, I’ve begged). But I just can’t see them as having “accomplished” anything. You get the surgery, you HAVE to lose weight, you have no choice. It is weight loss at gunpoint. A far, far cry from someone who did it the old fashioned way.
Having been fat all my life, it seems as though nothing I do really matters. I’m a good mom. I’m about to graduate from college. I’m a good person. I’m considered poor at the moment, but I handle what money I do have responsibly, and someday I’ll probably be at least somewhat wealthy.
Nobody’s kissing my ass for those things, though. I have a nice extended family, but I know the only thing that I could EVER do to get them all excited would be to get thin. I could win the Nobel Prize in literature, but even that wouldn’t compare to how I know they’d all react if I showed up at a family reunion a slim 140 lbs or so. It’s “okay” for the men in my family to have big huge guts, but the only thing that counts for the women is being thin. All of my female cousins have done something “wrong:” some have gotten into a little trouble with the law, some HAD to get married because they were knocked up, one’s a pathological lying bitch, one’s just flat out crazy, and others have had drug problems. All of that is forgivable, though, provided they’re repentant. Being fat, though? THE unforgivable sin. No matter how good you are, the weight is all they see. It’s not that they say anything to my face, and I know that they do see my good qualities and love me. But I know what’s going through their heads.
I think the reason people (including myself) consider weight loss to be such an accomplishment is because you are fighting your flesh. Every day you have to come into contact with a substance that you are addicted to: you can’t just stop eating. Three times a day or so, you are flirting with temptation. There is no end to it. I guess in a way it’d be like an alcoholic having to walk through a booze store several times a day. And that’s just the times you’re physically hungry: that’s not even counting the times that you’re bored, sad, lonely, frustrated, etc., and you can’t turn to your drug of choice anymore to sedate you (you can, but you’ll stay fat). Those who successfully fight that torment day after day after day for the rest of their lives really have accomplished something.
Going to school is easy once you get into a routine. Even complete idiots can be good parents, too, it doesn’t take a brain surgeon to figure out how to keep your kid alive and instill some values. Being in the top 10% of wage earners is great, but I think most people see that as dumb luck: we all know brilliant people who are poor as dirt, and really really stupid people who are very rich.
As sad as it is - getting down to my target weight (which is still 15 pounds above my ideal weight) is taking longer and many times feels harder than almost anything else that I’ve tried to accomplish or have accomplished.
Even getting close feels like I’ve done this huge thing.
And get real, people who see me do not think or say “Wow, she’s an accomplished woman who has donedone <fill in list of things that I am genuinely proud of>,” while they do think or say “Wow, she’s an ugly, fat chick” And sometimes, that’s louder than the inner voice that should tell me that I’m not my weight.
To other people who struggle with their weight: do you also feel out-of-control when it comes to food? I’ve only heard this idea once or twice before- most people I’ve talked to don’t (or won’t admit to) feeling that way.
No, I don’t consider losing weight to be a greater accomplishment than those things Wesley Clark listed. However, losing weight feels like a greater accomplishment, as others have said, because it will be acknowledged in a way that those other achievements probably won’t.
I guess the way I feel about it could be described as out-of-control. I feel sometimes that food is my enemy. I have to beat it or it will defeat me. I’m constantly thinking about food, planning my next meal, looking forward to grocery shopping. It rules my life and I can’t figure out how it got to this point.
I measure myself by different standards than most of the people I know.
Healthy weight loss is an accomplishment, IMO, but not that great a one when compared to many other things in life. I don’t know how I’d quantify the ‘greatness’ of the accomplishment, but it wouldn’t make my personal top ten accomplishment list.
