A little background first. I have a friend, lets call him “Lars” who thinks that his girlfriend ahs something going on with a co-worker. He wants me to set up a way to check her e-mail.
I don’t like the idea of her pulling one over on my friend, yet, I don’t want to be a part of a lie myself. I know two wrongs don’t make a right. But, I have known this guy since the 4th grade (we are in our late twentys now). I have told Lars that he should leave if he feels that he cannot trust “Laura”, but he says he will not without something more than a gut feeling.
So, if I helped my friend and set this up, am I being just as bad? Is it justified? I respect the opinions of the posters on this board, and hopefully you’ll point me in the right direction.
Never mind morality. Consider legality first.
No shit. Besides, has he just come out and asked her? It’s amazing how often that works.
Check her email? Just like the old check her snail mail…
Dunno if its the same now as back then, but it was the principle that if the person wasn’t cheating, that the cheater must be the person doing the accusing. Hmm?
Call me naive, but why doesn’t he just ask her if she is involved with someone instead of playing the same “sneak around” thing he is suspicious of her doing? What he’s planning sounds harmful to the relationship if there is nothing more than an innocent friendship happpening. Maybe if he explains how he feels and what made him feel that way, she would try doing something to make him feel more at ease with the situation. I vote for being open and honest in a relationship. Without trust, no relationship survives.
I really try to be good but it just isn’t in my nature!
Well, he has claimed to have asked her. He said that she refused to talk about it. I hadn’t thought of the legal ramifications. What if I tell him to impersonate the guy with a different e-mail address? Say Sven@hotmail.com instead of Sven@yahoo.com. Would that be as bad? Would that be illegal?
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I’m not gonna jump into the morality stuff, but I thought it was perfectly legal to check employee email.
- Boris B, Hellacious Ornithologist
Legal or not, stay out of this mess. This is a situation for your friend to deal with, not you. Just tell him you aren’t able to do it.
Never get involved in other peoples bad relationships.
My advice for the day 
Zette
Love is like popsicles…you get too much you get too high.
Not enough and you’re gonna die…
Click here for some GOOD news for a change Zettecity
Amen to nearly all of the above.
A question of morality? I shouldn’t think that the moral aspects of the electronic equivalent of mail theft might be worth a moment’s pause.
More important, perhaps, is to ask yerself what manner of ‘friend’ would ask ye to be party to this brand of treachery in the first place.
Dr. Watson.
“29 Dec. 1170 – Thomas a’ Becket murdered by four of King Henry II’s knights.”
Nope…don’t do it. Your friend had no business asking you to get involved with his relationship. Eventually the girlfriend will find out…whether they stay together or not…and your name would be shit…regardless of the fact that he asked you to do it…two things you don’t do: business with family (including borrowing or lending money) and messing in personal relationships.
Never never never get involved in friends’ relationship problems. The most horrible turn-arounds can happen, like he decides she was OK after all and then resents you as a sort of scapegoat. Friends who get involved often end up suffering the most.
And, if you do find out that something was going on, he WILL tell her how he found out, no doubt about it (he will feel compelled to prove his point to her in more detail than you will wish him to) so you need to consider your own relationship with her. There is no way you can keep your part in the whole affair a secret.
This is their problem, really, so don’t let an old friend manipulate you, unless you really like palace intrigue, have tough skin, and want to get involved.
Why the heck should you do all the dirty work? Let him figure it out himself. But first, he’s got some growing up to do.
Some drink at the fountain of knowledge…others just gargle.
Then if he didn’t like her answer and doesn’t trust her…he doesn’t belong in the relationship. He shouldn’t ask you to get involved. Sounds to me like it is time for your friend to bail and he just wants a reason to justify it. What’s the point of knowing one way or the other. If the trust is gone, it’s gone… and living in a relationship without it is pure hell.
I really try to be good but it just isn’t in my nature!
As the network consultant/systems admin for my brother’s company, I have all kinds of power in regards to email.
Personally, I would NEVER help another person gain access to another’s email. In our company situation, each employee is required to sign an understanding the the president, my brother and I have, can and will see what is going in and out of the office.
As for personal email, if I ever caught anyone snorking my email I would become so livid, those people involved would rue they day they stole my “property.”
I think it’s wrong for you to help your friend out. If he’s that concerned then he needs to hire a detective and leave you out of it. Yes, from a moral stand point it’s wrong I could care less if the guy is your brother. I wouldn’t even do that for a family member.
Like another poster said, stay out of it. You will be better off by it, and if she gets wind of the fact you did that, she could create some of her own havoc in your life.
Well, that settles it then. I will not help him in this way. I will tell him that it is illegal, and want no part of it. Thank you for your responses!