I don’t know, but they should teach my cat.
Don’t forget 11/11/11.
The World is Round,
It is Not Fair,
It is Just Damn Round !!!
Is it just me, or does it seem like the networks run movies with the same big name actor against each other? Like, you won’t see any Tom Hanks movies listed for weeks and then there’ll be three on at the same time.
Throwing cigarette butts in urinals is not a good idea, as it makes them soggy and difficult to light.
The cigarette butts, that is.
I’ve never had the need for an alibi.
From the random thoughts while brain is at 5% dept.
My new contact case feels weird in the dark, I should turn on the lights to figure this out. … Ahh bumps in the shape of the letter L, must be for Braille.
Yep, Braille for contact cases.
Some of us really can’t see things without our glasses or contacts.
Ever tried to smoke salmon?
I was thinking about that a few days ago that it’s the same for 1/11/11. And 11/11/11.
Nor have I, but some times I still give myself one. 
I’m waiting for the plumber right now. He SAID he would be here some time this morning.
Wouldn’t it be worse to be kicked off the curb than to the curb?
Why is it called a driveway when all I do is park in it?
I never understood the first expression and first heard it only a few years ago. Since then I’ve gathered it relates in some way to taking out the trash - since you normally have to bring it to the curb. I can only guess that most people have refuse technicians who are much more diligent about the performance of their duties. Around here, if it’s not in the trash bin and the bin is not facing the right way and the right distance from the roadway, forget about having your trash picked up. I’m surprised they don’t require gift wrapping and a bow.
Random pre-coffee thinking:
Recently I heard more than one person express confusion about the phrase “Have your cake and eat it too”- isn’t that just meaning that once you eat your cake, you won’t have it anymore? So, if you want to have it, you can’t eat it. Maybe it should be “Eat your cake and have it too”.
Perhaps it should be “keep your cake and eat it too”? Seems like a huge waste of flour and eggs, though.
You think Oprah is rich? Julia Louis-Dreyfus who played Elaine on Seinfeld has more money than Oprah let alone Jerry and about the same amount as Steven Spielberg. She got it the old fashion way though.
Is happiness an aesthetically-driven positive assessment of one’s present circumstances, rather than an actual experience?
Selling blood plasma?
This is the funniest Youtube comment I’ve seen in a long, long time:
Are the gardening catalogs out yet?