I plan on being rich one day, so I don’t really give a flip what my dates make, long as they pay plenty of attention to me and stoke my ego frequently and enthusiastically. 
As for the OP, I’m almost have a hard time believing that actually happened… I had no idea people would be so blunt…
Sheesh. Haven’t you folks ever read Jane Austen? All her heroines (and everyone else in the neighborhood) always knew, to the farthing, what the available bachelors were worth per year. So if they were hanging around the cotillion and someone had said “Well, there’s Lord Ashtar.”, she could well have responded, “La, he’s good looking enough, but does he have a living?”
Maybe this woman was just applying the 2003 equivalent: “My last boyfriend was an unemployed loser so I want to make sure this guy has a work ethic.”
Although I am inclined to side with the “shallow trollop” crowd on this one.
This was not a “dumb woman,” this was a whore. Explicit concern about monetary issues prior to acquaintance is the exclusive realm of the pro. She deserves every single narcissistic, materialistic trophy wife seeking macho meathead she humps.
Maybe she was trying to determine if you could afford to pay for the whole night, just an hour, or a quick blow job.
Or the lady could have been joking.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Dating should be against the law!
Arnold beat me to it, dammitt! This just about had to be a joke; some way to get a laugh going and start a conversation.
Nobody would say that and be serious about it.
All you doubters need to come to Silicon Valley. A few nights of hanging out in singles bars around here would eliminate the least doubt about whether this gal was joking or not.
It’s possible, but I highly doubt it. From the few moments of conversation I had with her, she had an aura of “High Maintenance” that was kind of blinding me to the fact that she really wasn’t all that bad looking.
I suppose I could have shagged her and “forgotten” to call her the next day, but that sort of thing just isn’t my bag, baby.
My wife went to a lot of trouble to find out how much money I made. She even went as far as getting the same job as me, so she could compare.
Then she messed up, and after having found out how much I earned, still married me 
[sub]We were working retail at the time, so everyone knew everyone else’s hours[/sub]
I won’t argue the point the girl was being shallow–she was, clearly. Good for you Lord Ashtar for wanting more in a woman.
That’s why guys date. Women date because they are either a) looking for someone to shag/hang out with (basically the same thing) or b) looking for someone to fall in love with and maybe eventually marry/cohabitate.
Before any feathers get ruffled, let me state that I do not think marriage/cohabitation is the objective for all women, but I think it’s fair to say that’s what most young women want. Judging by the information that he hasn’t finished college and she asked about hourly wage (which really is the most hysterical part), I’d have to guess she was young.
Anyway, I only thought to post this because I think dantheman only got the story half right. The guy half.
If a woman’s purpose is to shag/hang out with a guy, especially in the case of the “fuck buddy”, it really doesn’t matter much. Of course it will matter a little bit some of the time. It varies from situation to situation.
If a woman is looking for someone to fall in love with and maybe eventually marry/cohabitate, then the financial scenario of both people matter. Period. The depth that it matters will vary from person to person. Obviously it is in very poor taste to gain the information using the method outlined in the OP. Poor taste and basically useless, since few would be shallow enough to date her (at least I hope).
So really, it does matter, in approximate proportion to your arguments. Odd how they’re flipped like that, though. Shag=looks matter; shag=money doesn’t matter all that much. Love=money matters; love=looks don’t matter all that much. I do think money matters in the long term to guys too, probably to the extent that looks matter to women in the long term. I disagree that it’s automatically shallow for it to matter. It will depend on the degree. It’s realistic for it to matter to a certain degree sometimes. Just as it’s realistic for looks to matter to a certain degree sometimes.
[mini-rant] Don’t you just hate those publicly whiny “bad relationship” chicks? It’s one thing to talk to friends, but people who don’t even know you? Gawd, we had one at a poetry reading last week that read five poems and stopped to give us the lowdown on each and every sorry boyfriend she’d written them for, punctuating her stories with exclaimations of why, oh why was she unlucky in love?? And they were predictably awful poems. I just wanted to say, “Take a look at yourself. Pick up a self help book and when your done with it, read some poetry, someone elses, someone good.”[/mini-rant]
Thanks!
On match.com, I’m honest about my income … $35K to $50K. Income isn’t used as a finite matching requirements, but it’s a factor in determining compatibility. I’d say about 40% of the athletic, slim and medium build, college educated women in my area have a preference of at least a $50K income, 10% want at least $75K, and 5% $100K. Women who aren’t college educated or who are a “few extra pounds” or “large” more often than not don’t have minimum income requirements.
Height, however, is a finite matching requirements. A woman who wants a guy who is at least 6’ tall won’t be on my list of matches, even if all the other criteria match up, because I’m only 5’10".
On match.com, I’ve found that women who want a guy who makes at least $50K don’t really mind dating a guy making only $40K. Height, on the other hand … even if she’s 5’2" and states a minimum of 6’, it’s typically a strict lower limit. Women are far less likely to consider meeting a man that is somewhat shorter than their minimum 6’ height limit, than a guy who makes slightly less than their lower income limit.
Women really feel that being friends with someone is (basically) the same as sleeping with them? You must know some interesting women. I’ve always considered the two expressions to be mutually exclusive for the most part. (Okay, you can sleep with your friends, but it’s a murky area that’s not frequently visited.)
Your view of why women date differs only very slightly from my view of why men date, and even that’s negligible if you’re saying sleeping with someone and hanging out with them are basically the same. I posit they’re not viewed as the same at all by women in general.
Why does it matter? I guess I can’t comprehend why a financial statement would determine whether you fall in love with someone. I would imagine such nuances as personality would be the determining factor, not a paycheck. And in this enlightened age - i.e., not Austen’s golddigging setting - people aren’t looking for mates so they can have someone to support a family, as both men and women are in the workforce. Most women who are “husband-hunting” almost certainly already have a career or some sort going; that is, they’re not debutantes who simply want to marry a rich man. I think most women are much more empowered now and simply don’t think of a potential husband in that manner; either the man is compatible with them, or he is not. His potential or actual earning power is moot.
Love=money matters? Does not compute. Love cometh from the heart; money matters cometh from the mind. Do you fall in love with someone’s money? Of course not. You fall for them. As I said, their paycheck is largely irrelevant, unless you’re a golddigger. Which is very shallow, much more shallow than lusting after someone’s body, because with the latter you can have sex with that for which you lust. With the former, you cannot have sex with a wallet.
That’s not what you said. You said men date to have someone to hang out with. I’m not sleeping with my friends any more than you’re dating yours.
It’s not the determining factor and I never said it was. I said it matters and that the degree it matters will depend on the situation and the people. I really tried to make that clear.
**
Geez, now it seems like you’re just misrepresenting what I said. Maybe I didn’t make it clear, so let me try again. A woman who wants to marry is not going to go looking for her choice of mate down at the homeless shelter. I’m sure they would prefer it if the man had sort of job or financial income. That involves money, hence, money matters. Oh, and that works both ways.
And I never said the aim was to get a rich man. Yes, most families have two incomes, but guess what, most of those two incomes are required to live in any comfort in this world. I’m not looking for anyone to support me, but I’m also not looking for anyone to support. See how that works? A job=money=matters.
So it’s okay for looks to matter (if only to a degree) but being able to support yourself doesn’t? I see having a job as being compatible with me, but that isn’t the sole factor–it’s just one. There are far more weighty factors to consider, I agree.
Do you fall in love with someone’s looks? I think you’re being quite shallow if that’s the only factor you consider, but since you said it wasn’t the only factor, and it only matters to a degree to you, I’m guessing that you aren’t and you wouldn’t. Why is it so hard to understand that the exact thing applies to money? It’s a minor factor that matters, just like beauty.
Gold digger? That’s just rude. There are gold diggers out there, but just the fact that money matters doesn’t them a gold digger. If they are selecting based soley on money, then yes, they are. But nothing I said implied that it was the determining factor.
Let me makes this clear. I am not supporting the girl in the OP. I think what she did was shallow and stupid.
Yes, but you said women date “because they are either a) looking for someone to shag/hang out with (basically the same thing) or b) looking for someone to fall in love with and maybe eventually marry/cohabitate.” “shag/hangout with” aren’t the same thing, basically or not. They’re not even in the same ballpark.
Fine, but it shouldn’t be at all, for the reasons I gave. If you’re husband-hunting and are concerned a person might not be making enough to suit you, then all you’re really looking for is someone who’s making enough to support you and a potential family. If you’re merely looking for someone to date and are concerned with their paycheck, then you’re just looking for someone who can afford to take you out. And if you’re only looking for someone to hang out with, I can’t for a moment fathom why it would matter one iota how much money they make.
If you’re asking a guy how much money he makes before you even date them, you’re a gold digger. There’s no reason on earth you’d need that information other than to weed out the guy who can’t afford you.
If you want to hang out with them (i.e., be friends) or date them seriously, the income is again irrelevant.
I don’t think so.
You will end up marrying someone you dated seriously. Why is it money isn’t supposed to be an issue when choosing a mate, and why are people who take money into consideration considered shallow?
Hell yes, money matters. How stupid would you have to be to marry someone who will never make more than oh, $15,000 a year and has a mountain of debt to boot and bad credit? Why do women have to measure up in all sorts of stupid areas but guys get pissed off when a woman refuses to date/marry a guy who is a walking past-due bill?
Your income determines your quality of life, what kind of education your children will have … or whether or not you will have kids to begin with. No, income isn’t everything but it is foolish to overlook poverty just because you’re “in love” at the time.
If you’re asking a guy how much money he makes before you even date them, you’re a gold digger.
Okay, this I agree with. I am of the opinion that pretty much everyone deserves a chance and there’s no harm in a first date. However I don’t think you’re a gold digger if you say no to date #2 after the guy has told you that he works in a video arcade (or some other very low-paying job) and has no plans to finish college. Life is too short to go around dating people whose life goals are vastly different from yours.
I also don’t think you’re a gold digger if you want to know what a guy does for a living before you even date them. Some occupations, for some people, are deal breakers. It may not be about how much money they make, sometimes a person’s occupation can tell you a lot about them. If he’s a vet, for example, it may say that he’s kind to animals and compassionate (and also very very bright to boot). If he’s, say, a hitman for the mob … well you get the idea.
!!!
Yeah, life is full of surprises.
Theres a difference. Not wanting a guy (its always a guy who has to make money in these situations) who is in debt and has no way to pay it off is different than not wanting to date a man unless he drives a $40,000+ car, or finding a guy with a $40,000 car 10x more attractive than a guy with a $6,000 car.
I used to think women were deeper than this and that the idea that women lusted for money was just a negative stereotype, but i’m starting to change my views becuase of a few situations with female friends.
Not necessarily. If one person makes $100,000 less per year than another but both have children in the same public school, the quality of education is exactly the same.
I believe I’ve mentioned it already, but when actually looking for a spouse it’s helpful to know what that person does for a living, because then one can decide whether that person is spouse material or not. How much that person makes is irrelevant. (And, as someone mentioned earlier, the fact that this girl asked how much LA made per hour might indicate her level of finances, anyway.)
You’re right, it’s foolish to marry someone who’s poor just because you’re in love with them. You should keep everything in mind - things that affect you now, things that will effect you in the future you may have with the person. But you can tell how well off a person is in other ways. Look at how they dress. This girl was at a party, for example - did she dress as if she was poor? Did she dress as if she were rich? Now, sometimes people will dress down or up to suit the occasion, but their attire can be indicative of their financial status. So can their demeanor. Do they sound like they’re well off - what do they talk about? Do they talk about getting high all the time off airplane glue? Do they talk about how their favorite racehorse was made into glue? Neither the attire nor the demeanor are completely reliable, but they can give you an idea of the person’s financial status while not being as impolite as “How much money do you make?”
Well, definitely. However, I’d say if you’re serious about the person and don’t want to be with someone who works in an arcade, there’s no shame in dumping them - or, more precisely, in asking what they do for a living. If you just want to date them, then there’s still no real reason to ask them how much money they make - unless you just want them to support you and treat you.
I agree. I think gold digger if you ask him how much money he makes.
Asking him or her what they do for a living is a conversation starter - an ice breaker. “Oh, you’re a vet? I have a dog!” and so forth. Excellent way to get to know someone. “Oh, you’re a vet? I bet you make a lot of money! How much?” is wrong.
You mean L.A.? Oh, sorry, I thought you said Silicone Valley.