Women: How rich do you like your men to be?

I’ll admit to looking through online personal ads from time to time. I’m a recovering nice guy, so the thought of “cold calling” a random woman for the purposes of a’courtin’ isn’t really something I’m all too comfortable with.

Anyhow, I’ve noticed that among single women, 26-36, slim, average or athletic build, living in the Denver area, about a third of the profiles designate a minimum annual income of $50,000 for their desired match, and a third want their man to bring in at least $75K a year. This makes me feel woefully inadequate – in my chosen profession, with my level of experience, it’s hard to find a job that pays over $35K or $40K, tops.

So, single female Dopers, tell me – in your eyes, am I poor?

You are not poor.

I think those ladies in the ads are expressing a wish list, not a realistic list of expectations.

Personally, I don’t require a guy to make “x” amount of money, I just want him to be stable enough to keep a job. :wink:

*Aenea, who will never support another guy again. He must have and be able to keep a job! :smiley:

I don’t much care, as long as he can support himself. I’m not looking for someone to support me financially; I can do that just fine myself.

I really don’t give a damn, as long as he doesn’t talk constantly about how much money he makes and how much stuff he has.

First of all, it’s rude to talk about money, especially in front of someone who has much less than you do (me). Secondly, I think it’s particularly insulting to imply that you think your material worth will make you more attractive to me. I’m not a prostitute, thanks. If I were, I’d be up front about it and not try to pass it off as “dating.”

That said, sometimes I really wish I were not in a long-distance relationship where BOTH parties are dirt poor…

I don’t care what you do, as long as you can support yourself doing it. Do you really want to date a woman with income requirements?

It sounds like you’re doing Match. When I did the online dating thing I tried to look for men who listed general interests and emotional ideals rather than just physical/financial requests. I also listed my income as being significantly less than it is, just to avoid boneheads like this. (Yes, I did see guys who would only date high earners too.)

Well, I wouldn’t burn 'em at the stake just yet, I imagine when you use a online personal you list the ideals, expecting some guys to match maybe one of two of the fields. I doubt that more than a few percent actually use the $50g marks as some concrete ceiling.

Hey, if I am going to treat a girl as a checklist of qualities I’m gonna am high too. Guess thats why personal ads aren’t all that successful though.

Omni, SWM 24 NS 6’3" seeking Bi-SWF 5’10 38-24-36 NS 7-figure salary, former playmate, likes to party and owns boat. Can cook, clean, and tie cherry stems with her tongue. Serious inquiries only please.

sits back and waits for the phone to ring

I like him rich enough to be able to take care of himself. Material things don’t mean much to me; it’s love that matters. (I know, that sounded really sappy)

Hi Omni. I’m a Bi-SWF that can tie cherry stems with my tongue, but I’m afraid that I miss the marks on everything else. I guess I’ll never be good enough.

Never mind. I was going to blast away at the shallowness of using income as barometer, but I just left a spouse who refused to work. I am more interested in what your money gets spent on, Single Doper. If you spend it on other people, charity, and things of funness & quality, your income is moot and I will gladly demonstrate my advanced cherry-stem twisting ability. Be cheap with me, and watch my dust. I don’t make much, but it’s only fair to share, and I enjoy reciprocation of time, gifts, and what little cash I have.

You are new…

And you rock! :smiley:

Eloquent statement there!

Sounds like these women are trying to get a man who is college educated. The drawback to asking for a degree is that some men (my ex being one) have a good degree, are smart and don’t make any money.

Now me I want a man that has a steady job. Keeps the bills paid. Isn’t cheap. How much he makes is not what I look for. I just don’t want to hear about how much he makes or how broke he is.

When I was younger, I never cared. But after being married for 7 years to someone whom I put through 6 years of full-time school, and then he bailed as soon as he got a fairly prestigious degree…well, now I care a little bit! I don’t make six figures; but I run my own business & work hard and make a fairly good income and like to travel (it’s my luxury & playtime!) So I do like someone who can pay his own bills and travel with me. Actually, for the last two years I have been involved with someone who makes an extremely good living, and I must admit, that though I would love him just as much if he made $40K a year, (I truly would) it’s fun & refreshing to hang out with someone who has no money worries.

At some point, it comes down to being stable, self-supporting, and happy in life. At my age, I would have a hard time being involved with someone who had no concrete plans for the future, owned & made little, and had little ambition. I really don’t care about fancy things, I would rather have great experiences, great friends and feel secure, and I don’t want to support anyone unless there’s a darn good reason. Nor do I want anyone to support me.

I can’t tie cherry stems with my teeth, though.

Elmwood: Good luck out there! BTW, I don’t think you’re poor, and if you are doing what you love & choose, then you’re doing the right thing. And a good friend of mine has met several quality women through the Westword personals…

Money had never been a quality I have looked for in a man. Although looking back, I kinda wish I had!! :wink:
(kidding!)

I’ve yet to hear of any woman who has said, “He was such a fantastic match for me, but I dumped him because he had too much money.” :wink:

*Originally posted by deb2world *
…has a steady job. Check!
Keeps the bills paid. Check!
Isn’t cheap. Damn!

Er… How about 2 out of three? :wink:

~~Baloo

The actual $$ amount per year isn’t important to me. Sometimes people find professions they are happy in that aren’t the highest paying jobs in the world. If he works hard, and holds a job he’s happy in… I’m happy…

One thing I find about Denver that can be intimidating is that the region is extremely affluent.

You see, I grew up in Buffalo, New York, a city where J.C. Penney is considered “upscale,” and Olive Garden is considered some fancy dining. When I graduated from college, my first job was in Las Cruces, New Mexico – the second poorest SMSA in the country. I had an apartment with a view and a ten year old car, and the locals thought I was stylin’.

Denver, on the other hand – people are gladly paying $200,000 and up for run-down bungalows in my “transitional” neighborhood. (Fortunately, I bought my house a few months before my neck of the woods was “discovered.”) Half the commercials on radio are accompanied by smooth jazz of some sort. Half the cars on the road are sport-utility vehicles, compared to the dominance of huge Buicks and Oldsmobiles on the streets “back home.” There’s organic grocery stores a’plenty, and the newspapers constantly run stories about the non-stop partying lifestyle of twentysomething dot-com millionares. A night in LoDo, I’ll be witness to a parade of the rich and beautiful. In one of Buffalo’s bar districts, I’ll be witnessing the greatest mullet collection seen since the John Mellankamp concert in Indianapolis in 1985.

I’m 5’10", and weigh 165 pounds. I was never called “fat” in my life until I moved to Denver. I’ve been on dates where the scene from that auto commercial actually plays out, where the woman accidentally steps up to the more luxurious vehicle, waiting for her date to unlock it, only to find herself disappointed because he really owns a plain old American car. Women have expressed disappointment that I don’t own an SUV, or that I don’t have the goal of making a six digit income by the time I turn 40. Excepting the population of Commerce City and the migrant workers that are slowly being pushed out of my neighborhood, I get the feeling that everyone in Denver is richer than me, better looking than me, and having more fun than me. Because I only drive a Ford Contour (granted, with a V6 and the driveability of a BMW M3), and that my work somehow doesn’t involve telcom, marketing, law or medicine, I feel like I can’t compete with other guys out there.

I’m seriously looking at leaving Denver – partly because the job outlook for my profession isn’t that great here, partly to cash in on the equity in my house before a recession hits, and partly because I feel like I’m outclassed by every other guy here. :frowning:

Aw (((elmwood)))

You need to stay away from Lodo, for one thing! I haven’t been down there much since it became trendified & sports-bar yuppified, I hate that stuff. You certainly sound very nice & classy. I don’t know what circles you hang out in, but I can’t imagine you being outclassed by “every other guy.” Trust me. And a Ford Contour is a nicer car than most of my friends have, including me. Even my SO, despite making a very good income, drives a '95 Escort. (One reason I like him so much. He refuses to buy into the status thing.)

And, on what planet is 5’ 10", 165lbs fat? Good grief. Whoever told you that is delusional. Don’t believe a word of it.

I too am glad I bought a house in a funky neighborhood. I live one block off East Colfax in Denver, and my mortgage is less than most peoples’ rent on a little apartment. I wouldn’t be able to buy anything bigger than a doghouse now.
Denver probably needs more people like you, and fewer Navigator-driving nouveau riche buying trophy houses in Greenwood Village.

elmwood, I’m with ya on most of that stuff, and I’m sure you have alot more going for you against those other guys than you give credit for, but this line turned my stomach. Ford Contours are nice and fairly sporty, but unless we have vastly different defintions of drivability you’re overstating things a touch. Sorry for the hijack.

BMW fan runs off

Sorry to have to break it to you Baloo, but I have done the two out of three and cheap is not fun. But I define cheap differently than careful with money. I do not want a spendthrift. So maybe you can move to Denver and learn to spend more :wink:

elmwood, I had a Ford Contour (before I trade for the Mustang Convertible nananana, but not that I am showing off), it is a great car. It was the first automatic I had driven since I was a teenager.

I agree with you it definitely sounds like you need a different neighborhood. And maybe to find a better class of girl to date. I do not consider someone who is obsessed with $$$ to be classy, and that applies to either sex.