[nitpick]L.A. is a couple of hundred miles south of Silicon Valley.[/nitpick]
Now I know how much it costs to buy a woman’s heart. 40 grand a year. :rolleyes:
$40k a year is just to get your foot in the door. If you want the supportive companion package you must make at least $27 an hour and not have any major expenses (i.e, no sponge relatives with disabilities). $35 an hour will get you a life partner and breaking the 100k barrier will put you in the ‘soulmate’ ranking.
I was once talking to a guy who comes from a wealthy family and he would tell me how he would go into bars and tell women ‘i have alot of money, but i give it all to charity so i live in a trailor park’, so the women would blow him off. After he got out they’d see his $50k car and try to make amends for what went on inside.
Suffice it to say, he hates women alot.
----WHOOSH!-----
It was a joke, dear - as in many women in L.A. get breast implants. (they used to make 'em out of silicone, you know.)
BTW, it’s more like 350 miles.
I never implied that it was appropriate to ask what someone makes. All I said is money is a factor to a degree sometimes. You misconstrued evey damn thing I said both times. Purposefully, as far as I can tell. I’m through with you.
Those are mighty heavy charges. Have you read any of my posts? Or are you intentionally being a jerk? Please clarify.
I know perfectly well you said it’s a factor sometimes. I maintain it shouldn’t be, for all of the reasons I gave. Several times. If you’re choosing to ignore those reasons, that’s ignorance on your part, not mine.
And I never said anything about you implying it was appropriate to ask what someone makes. Not once. Maybe you thought that everything I say is aimed directly at you, and only you?
It’s not. I am speaking of the OP. You remember the OP, right? The one where the girl asked Lord Ashtar how much he made (per hour)? The one we’re discussing here?
I’ll say it again - if you’re looking to date someone or hook up with them and you feel the need to ask how much someone makes, then you’re a gold digger. If you ask them what they do for a living, you’re not.
(Oh, and for the sake of presidebt, that last part wasn’t aimed at him/her.)
Maybe she’s making sure she can afford him. Or she wants to know that they are on roughly an equal financial footing. I wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with someone with whom I have a wild income disparity. I don’t want to be in the position of supporting someone (been there and done that) and I also don’t want to be in the position of not being able to contribute approximately equally.
Is that why this woman asked? Of course not. But there are legitimate reasons other than being a gold-digging whore that someone might want to know early in the relationship that the other person is financially stable.
No, Otto. That would only make sense if she were expected to pay for everything at all times and he insisted on going to a place she couldn’t afford to go to. Who would do this? Of either gender? “Hmm, you only make $9 an hour, so I’m afraid I can’t afford to go to McDonald’s with you…”
Now, it’s been a long while since I was in the dating scene, so I’ll bow to the judgment of others. Either a) the man pays, b) the woman pays, or c) they split the bill. For which of these would it matter how much the man or woman makes? To use Otto’s answer, the woman would want to know to make sure she can afford - what? Afford taking him somewhere? Afford splitting a bill? Perhaps she could ask where they were going - wouldn’t that be much more sensible?
I know, I know. You’re just presenting a possible reason. I just don’t buy it as a plausible reason. Of course, the implausible happens from time to time.
Oh, I don’t think that’s what’s going on here either. I just get sick of people slagging women as “whores.”
I work with a lawyer, in one of the most shallow cities in the country, Miami. He went out trolling one night with the story he was homeless. Had the begging income stats and shelters down for talking points. He was basically seeing what would happen, knowing the general scene on South Beach. The woman he was hitting on called him later that night and told him to come over to her hotel room. He didn’t.
I think gold-diggers are defined by their willingness to trade coin for self. The amount or gender really doesn’t matter much. As the ol’ Winston Churchill chestnut goes, once the principle is established the only left is haggling over price.
Useful benchmark, that.
Veb
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by dantheman *
**Women really feel that being friends with someone is (basically) the same as sleeping with them? You must know some interesting women. I’ve always considered the two expressions to be mutually exclusive for the most part. (Okay, you can sleep with your friends, but it’s a murky area that’s not frequently visited.)
Your view of why women date differs only very slightly from my view of why men date, and even that’s negligible if you’re saying sleeping with someone and hanging out with them are basically the same. I posit they’re not viewed as the same at all by women in general.
Why does it matter? I guess I can’t comprehend why a financial statement would determine whether you fall in love with someone. I would imagine such nuances as personality would be the determining factor, not a paycheck. And in this enlightened age - i.e., not Austen’s golddigging setting - people aren’t looking for mates so they can have someone to support a family, as both men and women are in the workforce. Most women who are “husband-hunting” almost certainly already have a career or some sort going; that is, they’re not debutantes who simply want to marry a rich man. I think most women are much more empowered now and simply don’t think of a potential husband in that manner; either the man is compatible with them, or he is n
Do you fall in love with someone’s money? Of course not. You fall for them.
“I had a sister and two brothers. Jenny married money. Not an actual human being- it was a pile of singles.”
-Woody Allen
“Confessions of a Burglar”
I apologize for my snarkiness in this thread and others tonight. I had an incident (!) with the new dog here today, and quite frankly through no one’s fault but my own, holidays depress me. Not an excuse.
That one sure didn’t work out very well. I meant to just quote dantheman’s last lines, about falling in love with a person rather than money, then to offer up a humorous take on the matter from one of America’s best-loved comics. I failed.
First off, I don’t think how much money someone makes should ever be a factor in determining whether or not you’re going to date them. I make enough to support myself and my son, and don’t need or want someone to support me. I’ve dated guys with less money than I have, and I’ve dated guys with LOTS more, that’s all immaterial. What matters is what kind of a person someone is. Is this someone that I’m happy being with? Do we have similar interests? Can we carry on a fun and interesting conversation? Is he nice to other people? Is this someone I can consider a friend?
Secondly, looks do matter, at least a little, to me, unfortunately. If somebody just doesn’t appeal to you, physically, then there’s no way at all that a relationship could work out. I’m not saying the guy has to be a complete hunk, but he does at least need to be someone I can imagine myself kissing. Haven’t you ever known a person that was just nice as can be, but there was absolutely no physical attraction?
I went on a blind date once with a guy that constantly talked about money. His car cost XXX, his education cost XXX, he spent XXX on a vacation in the Bahamas with his last girl friend. None of that impressed me. It made me feel he was incredibly shallow. Went on another where the guy actually showed me his pay stub. I was like, huh??? Why are you showing me this? Am I supposed to be impressed now? I decided the guy must’ve really and truly thought that money was one of the most important things in a relationship, but I just can’t agree with that.
I would think a guy who said that he had lots of money but gave it all to charity was an incredibly shallow liar. To me, it would sound like he really didn’t have all that much money but was trying to impress people. Look at me, I’m rich = shallow.
Look at me, I was rich but I gave all my money away = liar.
Not saying the guy IS a shallow liar, but that’s how I would perceive him…a loser on two counts.
Of course money makes a difference when choosing a spouse - and for some women (and some men) dating is about choosing a spouse - not hanging out, not getting laid, but finding someone to marry.
A significant percentage of women are stay at home moms. A lot of women have “stay at home mom” as a career aspiration. Can’t do that unless you choose a spouse who can support a family.
Money - how much comes in, how much goes out, is a significant indicator of quality of life. Marry someone who takes home 30k a year and spends 40k a year, and you will struggle your whole life. Marry someone who spends 50k a year but takes home 80k a year and you could be quite comfortable. Financial problems are an issue in a lot of divorces - and while a couple pulling six figures a year is not immune to financial problems, they aren’t going to have the same ones as a couple getting by on two $12 an hour jobs.
If a woman is capable of supporting herself in a style she wants - say she makes $60k a year and is quite happy with that - choosing a mate who makes $30k and then spends “her” money may mean her lifestyle suffers. Just like a guy who makes good money who marries a woman who spends “his” money.
I’ve seen something else happen as well that is sad. A woman raised in a family with a fair amount of income (i.e. wears designer clothes, yearly vacations) marries a guy who doesn’t make a lot. She decided to be a stay at home mom (after all, her mother was) and they are soon in a heap of trouble. She is used to buying clothes at Nordstrom, she has a Target budget. She doesn’t adjust her expectations, and they either end up in debt (because she doesn’t adjust her spending) or she ends up bitter (why can’t we live in a nice house like my parents - why can’t we go on a cruise like I did growing up).
Like looks, current income doesn’t have guarantees associated with it. You could marry (and I have friends who did) a woman who is a size eight, only to look at your size twenty wife six years later. And you could look at your MBA husband who makes $120k, to find yourself married to someone unemployed six years later. But if you start with the size twenty woman or the person unemployed, your chances of ending up with trim or well off don’t increase. And that doesn’t mean that size or money is important to everyone. Plenty of people are happy marrying someone unemployed and plenty of people are willing to marry someone zaftig.
Why would I want to waste your time if you make $20k a year and I’m only interested in $50k? Why would you want to waste your time and money buying me dinner?
There are been a lot of threads in the past where guys have said they make a decision on whether or not they’d date someone in something less than two minutes. They aren’t making that decision based on like religious beliefs, personality, or having a great sense of humor in two minutes - its “do I find this person attractive or not.” Seems to me that is no more or less shallow than making a decision based on income.
Yes, I know I’m about to get bashed by every feminist within a mile radias. Sue me. I am in college, and I am going to have a career upon graduating where I will make a very decent salary (pharmacy, average starting pay 60,000+). But, when I have children, I do not plan on working full time if possible. I believe in an ideal home, a mother (or father) raises children, not grandma or the local daycare. So to me, paycheck would matter. It wouldn’t overshadow a man’s personality, but still it would matter. Also, what I haven’t seen anyone mention is that many times men are uncomfortable with their wives bringing home more money. I’ve seen that with many couples I know. If my husband makes around 30,000 a year, is he really going to be comfortable with the little lady bringing home possibly twice as much as him. Just a question.
jesleigh,
Not by me (and I’m a card carrying NOW member). I have a lot of college educated feminist girlfriends who have taken a few years off to be with their kids. Feminism is about choice.
Besides, quality daycare is expensive. My two cost me over $20k a year in daycare expenses. That means you need to make a pretty good income to break even with a two career couple and multiple kids in daycare. Marry a guy making $30k a year and you won’t be able to stay at home (but you’ll be better off if he does).
Not me either. I’m saying: You go girl! Seriously, feminism these days is about choice (assuming you’re in a position to have one). If you choose to stay home with your kids, more power to you. That’s work–hard work. So hard, in fact, that maybe you should get paid for it. Best of luck to you in your studies and (hopefully) future family.
Anna Belle (to dispell any rumours that I might be a guy–I get that often with this username)
Jane Austen’s gold-diggers? At that time in England married women had no property rights (until a new law in 1884 if memory serves me correctly.) When a woman married everything she owned became automatically property of her husband. It would be a foolish woman indeed who didn’t inquire about her husband’s financial status before marriage.
Please apologize to Jane Austen’s heroines forthwith, or those of you who have used the term will have to answer to me for your insolence!