Odd, I could have sword I posted to this thread. Well, here goes then:
When looking at potential mates (or dates, as the case may be), no one factor is going to make you an absolute yes. One considers: looks, personality and income. Unfortunately, they are not as separate as they appear. Everyone’s datability is defined by their particular mix of these three things.
Someone who is attractive, but has a rotten personality and no money is a waste of time. Who wants to date a man who amounts to nothing more than eye candy that treats you bad?
Someone who is rich, but ugly and a jerk, is also a waste of time. Good only for tried-and-true gold diggers.
Someone who is really nice, but ugly and poor makes a great friend. Can be a potential mate if you can make yourself feel physical attraction for them and don’t mind supporting them, but are they nice enough that your relationship can survive the financial strain? (I know a man like this. Poor thing has everything going against him physically, and though he’s a nice guy, just does not have enough redeeming qualities to make up for being, well I’ll have to list them: balding, overweight, pigeon-toed, stuttering, obsessive-compulsive (only slight, but enough to irritate the fecal matter out of you), slight palsy, and B.O. (yes, the man COULD shower more, but how many suggestions can you give to improve a friend before it gets too hurtful?) Point is, personality alone could overcome one, possibly two of those things, not all)
Someone who is rich and good looking but a jerk may find a mate. Probably some woman who deserves him - and will probably make him just as miserable. (by now you’ve figured out that personality, while not enough to make it alone, is still THE most important factor, right?)
Someone who is rich and nice, but ugly just needs to get out more. He’s probably the ideal guy. You don’t have to support him, and he’s not arrogant enough to cheat on you, he’ll probably treat you like a queen and feel lucky to have you.
Someone who is good looking and nice but poor is another good possibility. Keeping in mind your quality of life might be lower, but if he’s nice enough, and pleasant to look at, he’s probably worth it.
That probably sounds shallow, but it’s a fair assessment of the factors which come into play when choosing a potential mate. And for me, I feel I should not date someone I wouldn’t be willing to marry. It’s not fair to the other person - what if they fall in love with me?
(There’s a guy at work I find VERY attractive in a strange way, but he’s so different from me personality wise that I’d be afraid of breaking his heart, and while the money thing could possibly be overcome, the age difference is so great that a marriage would still not make sense, and he’s too sensitive a guy for me to deliberately put him into a position where he might get hurt)
Anyway, there’s also the way in which the factors link into eachother. I’m a very ambitious, intelligent person. I cannot feel sexual attraction for people who are stupid or unambitious - they’re major personality turn-offs for me. For one thing, conversation gets really dull when someone zones out on me the moment I say “Oh, <stock A> is a really great buy right now, it cash flows and has a P/E of around 12!” Or who can’t discuss the way the film Chicago did/did not recreate the theatrical experience in cinematic form. I’m sorry, but if you can’t speak at my intelligence level, you are going to get boring (I have many friends who are like this, but the beauty to friends is you can see them or not at your convenience - a bf/hubby/so is going to be around a lot more, so they’d better be interesting (especially when those looks go!) For another thing, unambtious people are not very supportive of ambitious people, as they do not understand the drive and are constantly challenging it or trying to change you. While ambition and income are not always connected, you have to acknowledge that being ambitious increases your chances of being well off, and well off people are more likely to be ambitious.
There are plenty of people out there who would hate a wealthy, ambitious man. They agree money is the root of all evil, and would find a man who agrees with them very attractive.
For my part, poverty is an obstacle (like stuttering) which can be overcome if one is well-blessed in another area (like personality), but lack of ambition, being part of personality, is much harder to make up for than lack of money. There is a huge difference.
No matter what we tell ourselves, looks do matter. They’re not the be-all and end-all of attraction, but unless you can make up for it with something else, you’ve got a problem. Look at me, I’ve got a pretty face, but a not-so-pretty body. I have an okay personality (you either like me or find me incredibly annoying), and I have a low income, but my potential is big enough (graduate next year, USC, economics). I can’t get a man. Why? Well frankly, my personality is not good enough to make up for what I lack in looks. I know this, I’m not kidding myself. And when I look at a guy who’s kind of attractive and really sweet but is in his 30’s still working in an entry-level, low-hourly wage job, what do I think? I think marital strife. I’d like to date him, but is it worth it? (jury’s still out on that one, but it’s irrelevant since I’m clearly not attractive enough for him).
Should I be bitter? Why? I can diet, he can go to college. Neither of us is doing this, so clearly it’s not a good fit. What’s wrong with that?
Regarding the chick asking you what you make an hour… Clearly she’s an idiot. It’s one thing to be practical, it’s another to be rude. She’s clearly lacking in the personality department, so unless she’s got enough going in the physical department to make her worth dating, she’d be a waste of your time anyway. And she’s not even smart enough to be a GOOD gold digger… hourly? I’m not a man, but I have to assume that dating a stupid woman is nearly as annoying as dating a stupid man is for us gals.
