I didn’t say the daughter was unprepared or irresponsible. I think it’s great that Kambuckta offered to babysit, BUT it’s not okay to expect the other grandparent to offer. The other grandma may be a narcissistic heifer, that’s neither here nor there. I do think it is wrong to expect family to step in and assist when having a child is something you choose to do.
If I need to move and my family offers to help - great! I would not expect them to help, nor would I ask.
Wrong. I love my daughter with every breath of my being. She was brought into this world with love, and she is reminded daily that I love her, both verbally and through my actions. You can’t be more incorrect if you tried.
Not everybody worships babies, but mothers and grandmothers do have an idea of how hard it is, especially with the first child. It doesn’t matter how prepared you are, nothing can really prepare you for this experience.
Those who refer to others as breeders, therefore don’t have children, or take responsibility for those they have, or wish to have them, don’t have a dog in this fight. You are being fucking hateful trolls, and I’m relieved as a human that you’ve decided not to breed any more people like you.
Shut.
The.
Fuck.
Up.
[Moderating]
Don’t call other posters cunts.
No warning issued.
[/Moderating]
I feel sorry that kam’s daughter in law has a mother who puts her petty grievances above her relationship with both her daughter and grandchild. When I had my first baby, I was taken aback by how besotted my parents were with their grandbaby. It’s a beautiful memory. They were also a pillar of wisdom and knowledge during those early weeks when I was learning how to take care of a baby. I realise I was fortunate that they were willing and able to do that for me, and I feel for Kam’s daughter in law that her mother chooses to be absent right now. It’s not even just the lack of help; it’s the grandmother’s disinterest in her own grandchild that I would be most hurt by.
Those of us without children have as many dogs in this fight as parents. We childfree live in this world also, and we have just as many rights. Plenty of us are also completely sick of having to clean up the messes breeders make because of in some cases the breeders complete abdication of responsibilities for their actions. It’s well known that I never wanted kids, but I am legal guardian for several. Why because the relatives that spawned them are incompetent fuck-ups that are not responsible enough to take care of rocks let along living, breathing life forms? So Aunt ZPG has to make sure that little people are fed, vaccinated, have school clothes, do their homework, etc., because their irresponsible breeders spawned children into the world without bothering to consider the responsibility. I would bet I know exactly how the other grandmother feels. Probably pissed off that her daughter could not be more responsibility and damned determined not to get used by her. If I knew the other grandmother’s address I would send her some Scotch.
Good, because you sure don’t need any more.
Is the so-called nuclear family a tradition that’ll endure?
Those poor children. If I believed this, which I don’t.
Congratulations on the new grand baby! I’m so sorry your daughter-in-law (and your son) are going through this. I hope grandma #2 steps up to the plate sooner rather than later.
2 weeks after the baby is born is a prime time for the ‘baby blues’ - the point at which your hormone levels start dropping and the reality of having a baby can feel overwhelming. It’s not usually for a long period of time (I had it for about 2 weeks) but I know that having my mum over from NZ for that time was so valuable, and was never really needed after that (both sets of grandparents are overseas so we’ve made ourselves our own support network of friends, nannies and daycare).
Note that the link above is from Beyond Blue (the national depression/suicide awareness foundation here in Australia) and suggests that at this time time you need extra support and understanding. In fact they have a set of recommendations specifically for co-parents, family and friends. It’s not for no reason. The risk of post natal depression increases with a lack of sleep, and in fact a lack of sleep makes it harder to be aware that you’re not coping.
And sure, you can hire help in (I found a lactation consultant for example), but sometimes a girl just needs her mum. Good on you Kambuckta, love your work.
This is the gist of my OP in a nutshell.
One of these things is not like the other…
That was my grandmother’s take (my father’s mother) when I was born. “I won’t babysit - its your baby, I’m done raising kids.”
When she got old, she wondered why her daughters in law didn’t come over to clean her house. Why her granddaughters never took her out to lunch. Why her family found other places to be on holidays. Why she was so alone. Why none of her daughters in law or granddaughters showed her the respect she was entitled to (she only had sons, and my dad only had daughters).
My other grandparents had a home filled with their children and grandchildren who ran to their aid - they’d always been there when we needed them, we were there for them when they needed us.
I think by signing up to be a parent you are also signing up to be a grandparent.
If grandkids come along, barring exceptional circumstances, you gotta help.
Heck, most parents actually want grandkids. There have to be exceptions, but the one person I know who claims to never have wanted grandkids is my Crazy Aunt and it’s one of the things in which her memories and the memories of her daughter and me don’t match; she spent years shooting barbs at her daughter for not wanting to have kids.
Grandkids are teh bomb. I honestly feel sorry for those in this thread who have maligned grandparenthood, because it’s actually super-cool. Much more enjoyable than parenthood I gotta tell you!
Meh, whatever, I’m not here to persuade folks to change their opinions…I was here to rant, and for the record, the bitch other-grandmother is still a bitch and still not helping her daughter in any way. Sucks to be her then…
;)
This is how my husband’s family was with my MIL, especially after my FIL passed.
Then their kids grew up.
Suddenly the kids are off doing their own things. A couple of my husband’s siblings are downsizing and/or moving away. Some of them already made alternate plans for the holidays and won’t be around for the annual Christmas Eve festivities. This Thanksgiving, for example, is just my MIL and my SIL. SIL’s husband is away on business; her grown kids are off doing their own things. She’s the only one around (we have standing plans every year so we don’t count in this). We have no idea what they’ll be doing.
I can’t help but think it’s part of a greater scheme in that, if something ever happens with my MIL, none of them want the responsibility of caring for her. Right now she’s fit as a fiddle in every way. As I say to my husband, “Let’s pray she stays that way because if she doesn’t, your family is going to explode every which way.”
Yep. Dysfunctional family values. Holy shit. Toxic people.