I’m working on a non-pathetic post, stay tuned 
Yeah, that was going nowhere fast.
ETA: I mean the phone conversation, not your post, Fred.
Green Bean, at first it was a Pathetic Boy, then you moved up to a ManipulativeMan, the trend seems to be maturing, hope your next IMer is an Authentic Adult. It’d be fun to have a split-screen video of your conversations.
Maybe I should leave the sunny Southwest for the Northeast, I might be a breath of fresh air compared to the guys Green Bean and Kaio and incidental and Arglefraster have been dealing with and I might have better Lady luck.
Boarders (Boardies?), is Green Bean merely toying with me, just using her busty redheaded feminine wiles to lure me into IMing with her to see if I’m a creepy controlling manipulative rule-pushing game-player with first date expectations, then she’ll post the resulting IM to mock and expose me to the **SDMB **world? Am I up to the challenge, can I resist the enticement? Is this all an elaborate trap? Don’t touch that dial.
Am I the only one here who thinks it’s totally cool that Green Bean chats with Chris Noth ???
-cough-
To seriously answer our dear O.P.'er? The entire thing skeeves me out and I’m a male-type. A nude photo ? Holy moley. There are photos more revealing than nudes, but your garden variety genitalia-waving nudie is not really something that your average acquaintance should be asking to peer at.
Cartooniverse
Actually I’m totally toying with you. I’m not exactly known as a big flirt around these parts, so it’s an amusing change of pace.
Now I’m tempted to IM with you. How fast do you type? And do you chat-cheat?
I do chat with Chris Noth. Well I did. Once. For a few minutes. I might have mentioned it on the boards at some point. He was very nice, and really awfully good-looking.
See, you’re not the only person on this board who rubs elbows with those show-biz types, 'Toons! 
I would have responded sooner but I was IMing with a married pagan woman friend from high school and didn’t want to chat-cheat on her (I don’t think I’ve made any really pathetic attempts to see her naked). Anyway I pointed her to this thread. She wouldn’t send dba Fred a naked picture but thinks he’s charming in a mildly pervy way (but maybe she was just being nice out of friendship). Maybe she’ll become a Doper (she’s the one who told me about “I (heart) Female Orgasms” which is a tattoo I’d consider).
And I’m enjoying being totally toyed with by you Green Bean. Being toyed with is fun unless the toyer toys too roughly. And being a toy is better than being a tool, right? On the other hand, the old saying is “The right tool for the job” not “The right toy for the job.” I’ll fight ignorance and say “Use the right tool or toy, depending on the desired outcome.”
I’m glad you put your “big flirt” hat Green Bean, it’s fun to reveal (expose?) your different sides. If I could sing I’d break into “You Can Leave Your Hat On” but it’d be cruel to the hearing-enabled.
(In my best Johnny Carson voice) “How tempted are you to IM with me?” About “How fast do you type?” is that the new way to ask how big it is? The last timed typing test I came in about 40 WPM but I think faster than I type. Regarding chat-cheating, I confess I had to look that up (is naiveté endearing?). I can’t claim to have many IM contacts (is reclusiveness non-endearing?) so I could give you the focus you deserve. But I wouldn’t demand exclusivity from you at this point in our interactions.
A factoid that could come into play down road is I’m able to do audio and video chats from my computer, so I could meet your “see & hear before meeting” requirements/rules/prerequisites/safety precautions.
So how do we set this up Green Bean? You people will call my people if our people can find each other? I think I sent you a Private Message (You’re my 1st, don’t you feel special??? I think it worked, I bcc’d myself and it’s there) with an AIM screen name (should I have attached a tasteful [non-nude] photo? Can that wait till I’ve gotten an overdue haircut?).
So if Jim McCay were reporting, would he say I successfully lobbed the ball back into your court?
P.S. I don’t think I look like Chris North, not knowing who Chris North is prevents me from answering definitively.
P.S. Green Bean, I saw your contributions to the Why We Won’t Be Having Sex thread and really really really hope I don’t end up as one of your examples there. (Having been previously been written off as a “booty call” due to distance, I may be safe.)
It’s Chris NOTH. And we’re Dopers, not Boardies.
Okay, done now. 
Where are you from, Willingboro? Those aren’t your elbows !!
featherlou, you are my idol.
So, the cranky does it for you, eh? Good to know. Now get offa my lawn.
What, no face fish-slap for those misstatements? On behalf of us non-paying riff raff, I thank you.
And the answer is … a real gentleman never tells 
I’m no gentleman.
dba Fred and I did indeed have a lovely chat today.
Don’t worry, Fred, I won’t tell 'em about your eleventh toe, your penchant for Totino’s Pizza Rolls, or that incident with Eva Gabor.
Dude, when Santo Rugger accuses you of being a perv, you don’t need a frickin’ membership card. You now own the perv clubhouse.
I did not know that. And there’s a clubhouse? My first order of business will be to start accepting applications from the Lovely Ladies of the Board to fill the open “perv-tainer” positions (somebody more qualified [and interested] than I can handle the Marvelous Men positions). I’m open to suggestions for what to include in the interviewing/auditioning process: bathing suits, creativity, speechifying and “yum rockets” will be in there somehow. We will of course expand our clubhouses worldwide, and be inclusive, open to guests and perv-tainers of any and all race, ethnicity, culture, creed, political stripe, taste, kink, fetish, and perversity.
Maybe we’ll exclude elected officials, we do have to have some standards; besides, they have their own clubhouses.
/me likes the cut of dba Fred’s jib. Can we keep him? Is it time to break out the goat, the loofah and the groundnut oil? Should we tell him about the Secret For… oops, there I go nearly breaking Rule One! :eek:
Aww, that’s so sweet of you to say Green Bean
Wait a minute, a “lovely” chat??? Is it just me or does “lovely” sound like this train is on the way to “Friendshipville?” :eek:
Darn that “nice guy” gene :smack:
Green Bean, I told you, I thought it was Ava Gabor!
Nitpick: It’s Santos Rugger.
Amateur. All guys should know that friend line never works anymore.
Dude/Dudette (your Profile doesn’t indicate).
I know the friend angle doesn’t work,
I thought the “lovely” chat = friendship means no hot monkey loving equation illustrated that Green Bean wasn’t gonna put dba Fred in the game 
But Green Bean, you’re smart, funny and interesting so I won’t go away until you tell me to
and I won’t ask for a nudie photo … but cleavishy photo of a busty natural redhead, well, my birthday is approaching (hint, hint)
Nowhere Fast is a good Meat Loaf song:
You and me we’re goin’ nowhere slowly and we gotta get away from the past
There’s nothin’ wrong with goin’ nowhere baby
But we should be goin’ nowhere fast
Everybody’s goin’ nowhere slowly
They’re only fighting for the chance to be last
There’s nothin’ wrong with goin’ nowhere baby
But we should be goin’ nowhere fast
And Featherlou, it took me about a week to get from my 1st post in this thread to an IM with Green Bean so it went somewhere, just not fast.
I’m happy
Malacanda, I don’t know how Her Majesty’s Royal Navy does it but when I was in the US Navy we didn’t cut a jib, just trimmed it and washed it off before going on shore leave. Plus the goat is the mascot of the Naval Academy. But we didn’t have no stinkin’ loofahs at sea, we used steel wool and we liked it! (Plus there were no peg boys aboard the USS Enterprise (CVN-65); God, Country and to protect & defend busty natural redheads like Green Bean were why we served and sailed!)
Monday9/22 update:
Green Bean threatened to throw me in the pond which is full of geese poop;
she declined my offer to help her put clean sheets on her bed;
there was another IM;
I did see her Safe-For-Work photo;
she isn’t inclined to pose with me as a couple for a NSFW photo.
Is it just me, or does it sound like there won’t be Green Bean-dba Fred wedding bells in the future?