I have kept close to some high school buddies. Some are closer than others. A couple of friends are close to “Doris.”
Brilliant family, with a history of maddness. They are well off, but now only DOris and her Mom are left. Mom is well off.
In fact she paid for Doris to go to law school. She has never been able to hold a real job. Mom has supported her. Doris has a little semi-volunteer job. It is all she can handle. She has been diagnosed with ADHD and something called Borderline Personality Disorder.
(She has more than that, according to my uninformed opinion. Trust me.)
In any case, Mom has taken a turn for the worse and has to move into assisted-living situation. She has to cut Doris off financially.
I have not seen Doris in years. Still, I fear nothing but the worst. This could go anywhere. Suicide, homicide, homelessness. There is only so much we can do. Her needs could bring us all down.
It is so difficult to realize you cannot, you must not do more for fear of being dragged down.
There is treatment for her problems that might help her, although at this stage and age, perhaps that has already been tried and discussed.
I am not quite sure what “well off” means, but if she really has some serious money, I would imagine there might be enough to provide them both with some kind of long term care; the assisted living facility for mom, and perhaps a modest apartment and stipend for daughter?
There is also the outside chance that this might make Doris more self-reliant, now that she realizes she has no other alternative. Not the best option, but could happen.
Get this tattooed backwards on your forehead, so you have to look at it every morning when you look in the mirror.
BPD sucks for the Borderline, obviously, but it can be absolutely horrifying for those who are unlucky enough to get tangled up with them.
If you feel tempted, remind yourself that she’s an adult, and it’s her choice to continue avoiding treatment. Do not allow yourself to become emotionally involved with this woman. She will skullfuck you, blame you for making her do it, and then laugh about it with the next poor sap she sinks her teeth into.
Why does the mother have to cut her off financially? If she is “well off”, she could continue to help the daughter out. I suspect she simply doesn’t want to.
Sad situation. I hope your friend gets the help she needs.
Possibly not. Assisted living facilities are expensive. Even if she’s relatively well off now, the cost of getting into a facility may eat up her savings or income. If she wants Medicare to pick up any of the cost down the road, she’ll have to exhaust her financial resources anyway.
Paul, I’m sorry to hear about your friend and her mother. It’s a bad situation, and it can leave those on the outside feeling very helpless.