Things like this REALLY piss me off. I have a good friend who’s a vegetarian simply for the reason that she has anaphylaxis to poultry, and buying all her food from vegetarian shops and restaurants is the easiest way for her to avoid accidentally eating anything with poultry in it. If someone pulled a stunt like this with her, she could die. Within 10 minutes.
Granted, hers is an extreme case, but I really hope anyone here who might be tempted to play this kind of sick joke on someone in the future will give it a bit more thought first.
Well, for pete’s sake, I doubt that she served them stir-fried tempeh, or hummus, or curried tofu or something. Do you know any non-vegetarians who ever eat, say, pasta with marinara sauce, or baked potatos, or eggplant parmesan, or anything without meat in it? I mean, honestly, come on. Would you really be offended if you went to a wedding and the host/hostess served you rigatoni with marinara?
What, all of them? Potatos, beets, wax beans, pinto beans, yams . . . ? I just . . . I don’t understand this. Broccoli doesn’t taste like radishes any more than pork tastes like beef.
Would you honestly expect someone who is a vegetarian for moral or ethical reasons (as opposed to dietary need or health reasons) to spend their money on meat, and support an industry they find detestable?
If you’re eating dinner at an event to which you’ve been invited, and someone else is paying for you to be fed or has prepared a meal for you, the polite thing to do is not to raise a big stink about anything on the table. If you see a food you don’t eat or don’t like, politely refuse it. If asked, simply say, “I’m sorry, I don’t eat so-and-so. But I’ll have some more of that other stuff.” Nobody is under any obligation to prepare your favorite food; the fact that they are either spending their money on you or working hard to cook for you should preclude you from being even remotely ungrateful.
I’ve attended plenty of events in which the pickings for vegetarians have been limited to . . . um, let’s see . . . rolls, and maybe butter. I’ve had a couple of rolls and shut my mouth. Hell, the last Doperfest was held, with the full knowledge that vegetarians would be in attendance, at the Outback Steakhouse, for crying out loud. I didn’t make a big deal about it; I ordered a salad and baked potato and enjoyed it.
And, while PETA and FARM and similar organizations may be political, being a vegetarian isn’t political. Well, it shouldn’t be, anyway. It’s personal.
Turpentine: Personally, I don’t consider eating bugs to be “eating meat.” The biological and taxonomical differences are so vast as to render comparisons meaningless, IMHO. I wouldn’t eat them, though.
You know, I’d agree with you if it was a wedding hosted by people who were vegetarians for health reasons. Then there is really no justification for not being a good host and trying to graciously accommodate people.
But if you’re a vegetarian for moral reasons, then you have every right not to provide what you consider to be the remains a horrible murder to people who don’t agree with you. I have no doubt that there are people in this world who would love to receive a desiccated baby head on their birthday. However, they will not be receiving such a gift from me, because my moral code doesn’t allow me to. Am I being rude to desiccated-baby-head lovers? Maybe they would think so, but most people would agree that you should follow your own morals in situations like this.
I don’t eat meat of any kind because I think it’s hyprocritical of me to do so. I’m completely unwilling to shoot a cow in the head, wring a chicken’s neck, etc., and I think it would be hypocritical of me to pay someone else to do it for me. That’s just me. If there was a wedding reception, I don’t see how that would change things. I’d certainly be willing to let anyone eat any chicken they wanted, provided it was killed and cooked by them during the reception. My guess is few would take me up on the offer.
*** Fenris***Your evil-bitch cousin is, in fact, insane. You were completely correct. She’s clearly just a bitch.
I agree with yosemitebabe’s entire rant, by the way. I’ve started saying (only when asked to dinner, really, or when oredering at a restaurant) - “I don’t eat any meat” as opposed to “I’m a vegetarian,” since the latter one always prompts the question, “Well, do you eat chicken?” which bugs the hell out of me. The day you plant chicken seeds is the day chicken is part of a vegetarian diet.
I would be mortally offended. Have you ever tried to get marinara sauce off of a rented tux?!
It’s weird, but true. There are people who see all vegetables as equal. I’ve got a close friend who, with the exception of some starchy veggies (potatoes, rice, corn on the cob (but ONLY on the cob. Anything else is “weird”)) won’t touch any vegetables. I’m not sure how he’s still alive.
You know this, do you? Eggplant? Hell no. Pasta? It’ll do. But why do vegetarians expect to be catered to (sorry–can’t avoid the pun), but carnivores can’t be? BTW, rigatoni is the dish served at “Tony and Tina’s Wedding,” the ultimate in white-trash plays.
No, notice the phrase “a lot of them.” Broccoli and radishes are both heinous, though. I like most kinds of beans, provided they’ve been simmered all day with a ham hock, though.
As I said, veggie is political and carnivore/omnivore isn’t. Does the so-called moral high ground let you out of politeness to your guests?
Great. Dinner’s on me.
But at a dinner at say, The Basil Pot, I’d be SOL, wouldn’t I? Again, special treatment for the poor veggies.
Yeah, good analogy. Shrunken baby heads and steaks. If you aren’t willing to work your wedding around your guests, don’t be surprised if you don’t get anything off the registry but the steak knives. I mean, come on people! This vegitarian/feminist/masculinist/communist crap has gotten way out of hand. It’s infiltrated every aspect of our lives, down to weddings and baby showers, for Christ’s sake! I personally don’t care what you eat, who you fuck, or what you do, but if you invite me to celebrate your wedding/joining, make it so that I can celebrate too. Or, how about if we have some really radical feminists picket your wedding because they think that marriage is legalized rape?
Look, I have a few vegetarian friends, and I don’t force meat on them. When they come over for dinner, I do meat-free pastas, etc., along with the veggies I can stomach. But when they invite me over, they usually have a chicken breast or a burger or something for me because I DON’T LIKE MOST (NOTICE MOST) VEGGIES!!! It’s called courtesy. It’s called hospitality.
Ya know, just FYI, a careful reading of the Sodom and Gommorah story in the Bible shows that the cities were destroyed because of bad hospitality, not because of sin. Lot–the guy who was saved, remember?–even offered up his daughters for the night.
Hospitality, folks. Politics are secondary, or should be.
What is this??? You seriously expect for vegetarians to prepare meat for you?
I think pldennison covered it nicely. But I just have to add - when you go to as many events as I have, (and many other veggies have) where all you could find to eat was green beans, a roll, maybe a baked potato, then you can start to bitch. I never have bitched about my baked potato or my green beans - I never try to make anyone feel uncomfortable. I just eat the damned potato and green beans.
Come on. So, at some hypothetical wedding (that you probably will never encounter in your life), you’d have to (hypothetically) find some non-meat dish to eat? Are you really that much of a picky eater, that you couldn’t find something to eat? (Whose fault is that, that you are that picky?) You poor thing you. And of course, the thought of going one meal without meat just makes you cave in. Well, don’t go to the (hypothetical) event, then. Simple.
Well, let us say that some people who call themselves “vegetarians” eat fish. And some people who call themselves “Christians” commit adultery. Whether either should be allowed their labels without challenge is perhaps a topic better suited to Great Debates, although the remarks made in its course may cause it to wind up back in the Pit in short order.
I suppose that asking a proclaimed vegetarian, “Do you eat fish?” is as rude as asking a proclaimed Christian, “Do you commit adultery?” However, as we may suppose that the ground rules of vegetarianism are not as widely known as the ground rules of Christianity, questions of that nature that are not obviously challenges may be put down to a desire to fight ignorance, perhaps compounded by a certain lack of social grace.
Uh, I pretty clearly said, “I doubt it,” which indicates that I don’t know. But, then again, neither do you.
They don’t. In fact, all the vegetarians I know, to a person, fully expect that when they attend a catered event, there’s going to be very little for them to eat. They know it, and are resigned to it. Every Friday, my wife’s office buys lunch for everyone. Last week, it was sausage, beef, and ribs. Another week, it was Popeye’s chicken. She knows this, and expects it, and makes her own arrangements for lunch.
Let’s ask it another way, since you don’t seem to understand: If you really love pork chops, do you expect your Orthodox Jewish hosts to serve them to you?
I think maybe somebody needs to learn that the world doesn’t revolve around him, and that nobody is obligated to give him a steak. I have had guests, frequently, and they know we are vegetarians and they are not, and never once have I had someone complain. In fact, they’ve loved what we’ve served them. (Some of them are SDMB posters, in fact.) But I’ll be damned if I’m going to cook a steak for a guest because he or she is a self-centered, ungracious jerk. If you want steak, go eat at someone else’s house.
::: blink, blink ::: How, exactly, did I get “special treatment”? Please, explain this. I mean, a couple paragraphs up, you said that vegetarians expect to get catered to. If that were true, I would’ve demanded we eat at a vegetarian place, wouldn’t I? Instead, I went to a steakhouse and order two side dishes for my meal (since that was basically all I could eat), and I’m getting “special treatment”? Yeah, that’s so special. :rolleyes:
OK, shrunken baby heads is maybe a little extreme. I guess I’m just less disturbed by shrunken baby heads than most people. Anyway…
Let’s use swordfish as an example. Say I’m totally against swordfish-eating because I think it’s overfished. I don’t think you should expect to see swordfish at my wedding. It doesn’t have anything to do with a Vast Vegetarian Conspiracy; it’s just that my principles prohibit me from participating in the overfishing of swordfish. I don’t think I should compromise those principles just to make you feel perfect. After all, you can still celebrate without meat. A vegetarian cannot participate in a dinner without meat-free foods. If you are allergic to all vegetables and starches, or feel you shouldn’t eat them, or whatever, than speak to your host. They can decide whether they value their principles or your friendship more (I would hope the latter). But most times, you don’t have to eat meat.
I do think it’s rude for vegetarians to invite someone to dinner (or a wedding including dinner) and then make it a point to have it meat-free. Face it, there’s a lot of people in this world who don’t consider it a meal unless there’s meat in it. I’m not saying this is right or true or justified, it’s just the truth.
Used to be that when you invited guests to something, you bent over backwards to make your guests comfortable and happy. That includes sometimes putting your own needs and preferences on the back burner, and enduring some less than perfect situations, because you want to be a good host.
When I invite vegetarian friends to dinner, I will gladly serve vegetarian food because they are my guests and that’s what they like. However, I have never known a vegetarian to cook meat for those of us who like meat. At best, they’ll serve something like the above mentioned rigatoni which will probably not offend anyone. At worst (and I’ve known people like this), they will serve tofu, tempeh, and lentils in hopes of converting someone.
I’ve often wondered why the meat-eaters are expected to go out of their way to serve vegetarian food when vegetarian guests are invited over, but vegetarian hosts are never expected to serve meat to meat eating guests. Doesn’t make much sense to me.
For the record, in addition to cooking vegetarian dishes for my vegetarian friends, I allow my smoking friends to smoke in my house because that’s what a good host does (I do not smoke). I stock liquor for my drinking friends, and non-alcoholic drinks for my non-drinking friends, and chances are if my non-drinking friends come over I’ll eschew alcohol for the evening. Although I’m not a vegetarian, I do enjoy tofu, tempeh, and lentils, and will occasionally serve them, but not to people who dislike such things.
Maybe I’ve been in California for too long, but how many people can there be who could not sit down and enjoy a meal without meat?
I’m an omnivore, and it would never occur to me that I was being rude if I cooked a vegetarian dinner for somewhat who was not a vegetarian.
I mean, unless I knew my guest was a werewolf or something, I would just assume that good food is good food, and that my guest would not keel over and die if we had aloo matar or spinach enchiladas or pizza with garden tomatoes and fresh basil or vegetable nori rolls instead of hamburgers for dinner.
I haven’t met anyone who was a vegetarian strictly for health reasons, and I certainly wouldn’t advocate making your guests stick to some strict diet you were following to lose weight or something. But requiring someone who objects to meat-eating to serve it in their own house? Naw.
What’s with this “making it a point”? Look, do you object to the meat-free meal, period, or only to the fact that it’s a vegetarian serving it? If a non-vegetarian served a meatless meal, would you care? If not, what’s the significant difference?
Athena, some vegetarians believe that it is immoral to kill and eat an animal. Not just yucky, or inconvenient, but immoral. For heaven’s sake, would you expect your fundamentalist Christian hosts to allow you to sacrifice a goat in their living room if you were a guest and you practiced Santeria? Would you expect your Jewish hosts to let you hand out Christmas presents and ask all in attendance if they had accepted Christ as their Lord and Savior? I bet you don’t allow your morals to be trampled on in your own house. Why would you expect a vegetarian to? Is it just because it’s food?
a) Because some people believe that killing and eating animals is immoral, and won’t have it done in their house.
b) I expect no such thing. If all I can eat are the sides, then that’s all I can eat, and I will still be glad for my host’s hospitality.
Oh, heavens to Betsy–it is not either. My wife has asthma and several different allergies, including tobacco smoke, and I have allergies as well. Given those circumstances, why would I allow smoking in my home? You can be a good host without being a pushover, and your guests should respect your preferences as well.
After 17 years of not eating meat, let me tell you that the sight and smell of raw meat makes me ill, and I can’t bear the thought of having to touch the stuff. The smell of cooked meat is okay, but when it’s half-cooked it’s even worse than raw. My husband knows that he can’t cook meat in our house when I’m at home. So he doesn’t.
This has nothing to do with moral issues; I can’t digest meat. I used to cook meat all the time, and had no problem, so I know that it’s only since I’ve become vegetarian that I’ve had this reaction.
So I will never, ever, cook meat for a guest. They come to my dinners knowing I’m a vegetarian and that I love good food, and you know what? They’re never disappointed.
And my wedding? I caved in to the omnivores in my family and served meat. My dinner, however, was one of the worst catering meals I’ve ever had. It was bland and undercooked, because most chefs can’t do meatless meals. If I had gone with my instincts and hired the caterer who specialised in vegetarian food I (and all the guests; my family and friends are open-minded and like new experiences) would have enjoyed my wedding dinner.
I wasn’t the kind of bride who wanted everything perfect and cried when it wasn’t, but I’m still pissed off that I had such a sucky meal at my wedding.
I don’t understand what the big deal is, people.
Let’s say I go to someone’s wedding, and all they serve is chicken and steaks. Great. Free food!
If I go to a wedding, and the couple has ordered vegetarian food, then great. Free food! Will I survive a night without meat? Yes. There must be an endless amount of possibilities for vegetarians to eat, otherwise, they would be dead by now. No one can live off of peas and corn alone. There are a vast number of delightful entrees that can be cooked and consumed without ever coming in contact with meat. Yes, it’s possible, believe it or not.
So, the moral of the story: Always be polite and eat what you can when it’s offered. There are always alternatives, and creative people will find them. A good host always provides food from all four food groups, UNLESS that host has moral objections against one of the food groups. But hey, you still have THREE to choose from. AND, like I mentioned before, there are a lot of creative and good alternatives to meat.
pepperlandgirl makes a good point about the food. And one meatless meal out of the three daily meals most people have doesn’t seem like it should be a big deal if the people are true friends of the married couple.
A bit off the topic, but somewhat related: when my first husband and I got married many moons ago, we had a small reception where we served cake and punch, mints, that sort of thing, and invited our friends and any coworkers who wished to attend. We told them all that there would be no liquor served (because my ex was a recovering alcoholic). I later found out that the mindset in this area is, a meal and booze in exchange for a gift, so many of his coworkers did not attend for this reason. Let’s you know who your friends really are.
Gosh, how silly somethings can get.
I can eat meat, but I can eat veggies too. If you serve me a steak, I’m happy. If you serve me pasta with marinara, I’m happy (but ONLY if you serve garlic bread too!)
Hopefully, if I get married (hopefully!) I plan on a variety meal. One thing that definitely will be served, and if you don’t like it, don’t eat it: my mom’s pierogies.
Seriously, there are so many different kinds of veggies out there. And fruits. Potatoes?
As for someone who mentioned only eating corn on the cob, that’s the only way I’ll eat it, and only if it’s fresh, not that frozen crap from the grocery store.
But hey, I’m not picky!
For those who are vegetarian here, like yosemitebabe and pldennison, kudos to you for sticking to YOUR morals and respecting those of others. Most vegetarians I’ve met are like you guys. The ones I hate are the people who tell me I’m going to hell for eating meat. (AT another MB, this girl came on the board for the express purpose of telling us how evil and nasty we were to eat meat. She also condemned people who were poor and couldnt’ afford fresh factory organic foods…go figure. ADN the girl bought from Walmart, which sells sweatshop produced products…sigh)
THOSE are the people I don’t like. The rest of you, good job!
Well, as far as the wedding goes, a normal OvLaVeg meal should be no problem, and certainly tasty & digestable to most (except, perhaps those who are lactose intolerant, and cheese is us OK for us, and if not, there are pills you can take). I mean, many pasta dishes are OvLaVeg, and I hear no complaints from the meat eater who are ‘forced’ to consume lasagna, or fettucini alfredo, or whatever. A VEGAN meal at a wedding, that is really too much to ask, I am afraid.
And, Yose, I hope you don’t get too much of that here. I know we have had debates over vegetarianism, you & I, but that is different for seeking out someone & giving the a hard time about it. We still are not in agreement on the fish thing, but as we both have accepted the term “semi-vegetarians” for those, I can accept that for now.
