You know those toy dollies that have the string in the back that you pull? “TALKING ____ SAYS UP TO FIVE DIFFERENT PHRASES!” is how the package usually reads.
Okay…so now a talking toy of YOU is being made. What things would it say? And by all means, include inside jokes, unknown origins, and things that would just make sense to you or those who know what you do in your real life. For example, when asking a friend in IM about this–which is where this topic idea came from–she replied one phrase her toy would say is “Try out our Extreme Value today!”. This was enormously funny…but only if you knew she words at a Jewel Osco where she’s supposed to offer it to most customers.
Makes it more fun and interesting to figure out, I say.
My doll would probably say things like:
“Two cheeseburgers and a 5 piece chicken tenders, please”
“Get off of the counter, Midnight.”
and
“Yes. Yes. Uh huh. I agree.”
Regallag the Axe talking action figure!*
Hear him say all your favorite mighty warlord phrases!
“I shall decimate them!”
"Come. Let us conquer them all!
“RAAAAAGGGGGHHHHH!”
“Fight me and die. Follow me and live to kill.”
“I shall slay them untill the oceans run red!”
Play Tech support India with your Seven doll:
“My fault? Did you know everytime you lie you make the baby Gandhi cry.”
Put your Seven action doll in front of the System Admin PlayCenter* and let the fun begin:
“You did what?”
“How 'bout first you go back to your cubbie and figure out what you want the software to do. When you know, then we’ll talk.”
“It’s software not Jesus”
Play house with your Seven action doll and his 14 year old daughter doll. Seven AtHome action doll says these 10 great sayings:
“Hang up the phone”
“Hang up the phone”
“Hang up the phone”
“Hang up the phone”
“Hang up the phone”
“Hang up the phone”
“Hang up the phone”
“Hang up the phone”
“Hang up the phone”
and
“Good night daughter”
Start fights with your other action dolls with RollEyes Seven:
“I do fucking NOT look like Russell Crowe”
*Action figures and playsets sold separately. Seven action figures not to be used as false idols.
I’m picturing, in my mind’s eye with all of these, a little kid of about 9 holding each of these dolls, pulling the string, and hearing all these lines. Ha.
“Sh, I’m reading.”
“Yes, I drew it.”
“Holy shit!”
“Christ!”
“Let’s go play DDR.”
“It’s a band.”
“Meh. Go away.”
“Really? Well, Golly!”
“He’d look better if he were wearing a tie.”
“Fuck.”
“Fuck on a stick with a side of FUCK!”
“Never explain by stupidity what can be attributed to cupidity.”
“Self-confidence? Ha! Who needs that?”
“Seeyabye.”
