Yesterday, something horrible happened to me. It’s not so horrible that I can’t laugh about it now, but let me tell you—the first hour or so after it happened was literally filled with horror.
As is customary in the aftermath of such a thing, I immediately went online to find other people who had felt the same horror. And I found message boards. Tons of them. On every subject.
After reading three or four posts per board, I came to a conclusion. The Internet is full of stupid people. People who are rude. People who are impolite. People who like cant omg spell put 2gether a propur sentace or use any kind of punkshuashion. I fled, dear friends. I fled to the only place I’ve ever been comfortable, the only place I’ve ever been accepted—nay, even lauded—for my attention to proper spelling and grammar.
Upon arriving at the Dope, I discovered that my last login had been on December 31, 2007. Surely, I thought, this cannot be correct.
But it is, my computer replied. And don’t call me Shirley.
So, I thought about hopping in my time machine and going back to January 1, 2008, to make sure I never stopped posting, never let my subscription lapse. Then I discovered that the flux capacitor is running low on gigawatts, and it was much easier to jump forward only one day and steal this week’s MMP.
(You were wondering when I’d get to the time-traveling part, weren’t you? Admit it.)
But first, I re-upped for the year. I wonder if my little doohickey will still say “Charter Member.” Oh, the excitement.
Speaking of excitement, I still have none. Life is pretty much the same as it was when I last posted, only a lot less busy. My company isn’t doing so well, so they’ve cut us all back to a 4-day work week (bad news—20% less pay/good news—20% less working), and Roomie’s got herself a new boyfriend that she’s certifiably stupid over, so I get the house to myself about fifty percent of the weekends. The dog and cats are healthy, and I spend most of my weekends on the couch rotting my brain with television and crafts—currently my passion is cross stitch projects of naughty words, helpful sayings, and absolute geekdom.
In conclusion, my friends, I’m back. I still can’t Dope from work, but I have degenerated to keeping my laptop on the arm of my couch, so I’m almost confident I can keep up.
And about that horrible thing that happened yesterday … well, I think it’s a little much for the opening post of an MMP. Not to mention completely mortifying, in that “How the hell am I supposed to explain this??” way that we all love so much. But once I know who’s still around, I’ll tell y’all, if you ask nice.