**I am accident prone, and I have a sick sense of humor. My daughter tells me that I will meet my fate in a tragic (but humorous) way. Any suggestions? **The best I’ve been able to come up with so far is to be crushed by a frozen block of urine that was dropped from a passing Jet liner.
I’m always aftaid of locking myself in the attic, which has no windows.
And the good old falling off a ladder and snagging your pantyhose. “So sad- she Knicker-twisted to death.”
To tell you would detract from the ultimate humor, no?
Seeing as how you’re a blueslady, this probably wouldn’t apply to you, but I always get a chuckle out of (and then feel guilty about) those drunk guys who go fishing, and try to take a piss in the lake, but lose their balance and drown, so when their bodies are found, their pants are gone and everyone knows what they were doing when they died. giggle awwwww man. . . I’m going to hell.
Inspired by the television show “Home Improvement”, Blueslady decides to take on a project. Her project of choice, becomes: converting a pesky low-flow toilet, to increase flushing power and velocity.
Blueslady then aquires a 2500 psi power washer, begins modifying the spray head attachment to connect to the bowl water jet mechanism inside the toilet tank. After this is accomplished, she then attaches a high horsepower water pump to the main sewage line, which will force the wastewater out into the sewage system. She then powers up the new system and takes a break.
After completetion, she relaxes with a cup of hot cocoa. However, in her exhaustion, she mistook a package of ex-lax for instant cocoa mix. A few moments later, the inevitable happens and she has to use the toilet. Forgetting the system has not yet been tested, she depresses the flush mechanism, which proceeds to vacuum Blueslady down inside, then the entire house follows, a la “Poltergiest” style.
Please, don’t do any home improvements, Blueslady! :rolleyes:
I have a morbid fear of being nibbled to death by a Muscovy duck.
Are you guys familiar with the Darwin Awards? Every year an award is given to the person who has done the greatest service to mankind by removing him- or herself from the gene pool. I usually get it via email from somebody or other–if anybody knows about a website I’d sure like to have a link to it. There are always lots of runners up, and it’s a veritable fountain of hilarious and humiliating ways to die. I’m rather fond of the guy who killed himself when the phone rang in the middle of the night. He woke up, mistakenly picked up the loaded gun on his nightstand, and blew his brains out.
You haven’t cornered the market on sick senses of humor, Blueslady.
(agree with everything I say if you want a tragic but amusing death)
You hate Santa Clause. With a vengence. You just can’t stand the thought of that pudgy red guy jumping down your chimmney. But after thinking about it, you decide that this guy would make one hell of an assasain. After all, he has to travel near the speed of light to get to all those houses, and, given how much drag and air resistance that would generate, he would have to be damn near invincible. So you design the ultimate santa trapping plan. Details can be found here: http://www.angelfire.com/ma2/thecowempire/hohoho.html (sorry, too lazy to figure out html tags)
In short, you use laser trip wires, motion detectors, and a dummy house to trap him. However, in your clumsiness, you forget to open the fluke on the chimney. So, you go back and do that, only to set off the motion detectors and lock the house. On Christmas morning, Santa comes, and, learning of your deception, stones you to death with coal.
Alternate death: choking on a rabbit’s foot
Garden Elf: http://www.officialdarwinawards.com/
also, back when we all took the death test, there was the cause of death: sex with an obese person. Die happy 
Btw, http://www.darwinawards.com works…
Anyway, I’d just like to point out that that idea wasn’t realy mine, it was inspired by my friend Dave, who maintains that website.
So far I like MagicalSilverKey’s suggestion (I do alot of home improvement projects myself) The Santa Clause Demise by Argeable was cool too. The attic thing won’t do, I’m claustrophobic :eek:
Thanks for the darwin awards links guys, but I’m looking for a tragic and humorous death, Not a blindingly stupid one.
Who was it that posted that thread about nearly being flattened by a runaway porta-potty? You’d have to work hard to do better than that.
Catrandom
I don’t know, maybe electrocution on stage. In front of 40,000 adoring fans?
But before you go, could you possibly channel (sister to sister) Janis Joplin and tell her how much I’ve always lusted after her?
Peace,
mangeorge
I’ll give her your best!
I’ve always beewn partial to bizarre gardening accidents myself, but recently, the thought of shuffling off this mortal coil when WallyM7 throws you into the ceiling of his neighbors house seems like the “strange” way to go…
Yer pal,
Satan
TIME ELAPSED SINCE I QUIT SMOKING:
One month, one week, 5 hours, 58 minutes and 6 seconds.
1489 cigarettes not smoked, saving $186.24.
Life saved: 5 days, 4 hours, 5 minutes.
One hot summer day I was crossing 57th Street, and my high heel got caught in the soft asphalt. I was standing there pulling myself out when I looked up, and there was a steamroller heading toward me! I started laughing so hard I could barely get out of the way; I kept thinking of a cartoon flat Eve laying there in the road . . . THAT would have been a good amusing way to go.
The odds of achieving your death goal will be substantially improved if you take up heavy drinking. Not surprisingly, the majority of strange and humorous deaths I read about seem to involve alcohol. Not to mention strange and not-so-humorous events somewhat short of death that I’ve witnessed IRL. :rolleyes:
Have to second that comment about the runaway-portapotty- crushing being hard to beat, though. LOL
THIS is my favorite so far, although the porta-potty incident is a real close second.
That’s a doozy, all right.
Or, what if it was at the State Fairgrounds?
You stay too long in the powder room and try to leave after they just closed for the season.
Now you’re in the tar they laid out in front of the bathroom to patch things for next year. It’s like those Tar Pits. Your bones go on display in the Sideshow tent next year.