A Tribute to David

First off, i do NOT want a pity party, that’s not what this thread is about.

Second, some news. Some of the people in chat know this,but just yesterday, my good friend David died of cardiac arrest. He was only in his mid twenties. He did have heart problems since he was young. My friend Abe told me that he died quickly and peacefully.

I want you to know (as best you can in text) David as I knew him. A kind and gentle soul who was always there to listen, someone i felt close to, who became a good friend of mine. This is going to be written like a letter to him. Feelings i could never express outright, or things i never got a chance to tell him.

While we didnt spend a lot of time together, what we did spend together i will always cherish. I remember the first night i met you. You were invited to one of our club meetings. I remember walking into the restaurant seeing you sitting there, quiet, and at the end of the table. I had only heard about you from Mike and Matt, because you were in a class with them. You kept hanging out with us, becoming a member of PASU (Pacific Asian Student Union), going along with us to Koto Japanese restaurant at least every other week. Over the course of three years, i grew to consider you a good friend, though we never hung out every day like a lot of good friends do in college.

I also remember the many get togethers at either Ann’s, yours, or Mike’s place (mostly yours or Ann’s). I remember us always cooking some kind of meal, and just talking about various things, mostly the mundane and silly. I even remember the pornos that would be played at a few of the get togethers ;). It was always a wonderful time hanging out with you. You never said anything mean, or rude to any of us, you seemed real, nothing fake about you at all. I thouroughly enjoyed every minute of it, and always was dissapointed the nights had to end so soon.

I also remember when i came out of the closet to you. You seemed a little confused as to why i so urgently needed to talk to you. I remember knocking on the door, you answering and mecoming in and sitting down on that papasan in your livingroom. I also remember the smile you gave me when i finally told you I was gay. It was such a reassuring smile, one I wont soon forget. You really were my inspiration for coming out to our friends, because i saw that you were comfortable enough in yourself to bring Troy along to a couple of the parties Ann threw, so i knew that i finally had someone i could connect on that level with. I also gained that spark of confidence to tell our friends. I remember spending time with you and Troy, seeing you and him lie together on the floor, watching the movie you had rented, while we all ate food from Papa Chuy’s (not to mention watching Troy get excited seeing his Idol, tina Turner). You continue to inspire me to come out to Matt and Liz. Though your death is sad, it’s become my motivation to come out to my family, because i realize how soon life can be taken away without notice (it never hits you til it happens to those close to you).

I have absolutely no regrets ever getting to know you. You are one of the most beautiful people, and souls I have ever met, definitely a spark in my life. I feel that you filled a part of me by becoming my friend. However, i do have one slight regret, that i never took more time to get to know you better. It wasnt until earlier this year that i started to feel a need to get to know you more, because most of our group had moved on, either graduating, or transferring to other schools. I felt i needed to take as many moments in life to get to know you while I still could. It saddens meto think that the time foryou to depart from this life was so soon. I am a little upset with you however (thought you’d get off that easy, did you? :)).

The reason i’m a little angry is because i did try to get to know you better. I had heard you were dropping out of school and having problems. I sent you that email in January, and you never sent me a reply, i feel that there are things said that are unresolved because of it. I only wish you had either told me you were doing OK, or actually took some time to talk to me. I had told you i was there, and that the email was because i was concerned for you as a friend, not because i was trying to be nosy and get into your business. It truly was from the heart, and it stung to see you not acknowledge it. It also felt like you were becoming more distant, and i wanted you to know that i would be damned to hell before i would let you fall away from me like that. With you gone, you’ll never get to respond, and i’ll never get to know your answer.

What saddens me most about your passing is that you seemed to be coming to your potential. You had gotten away from that bible study group you were in. I have to admit, i always wondered why you were in it. You were so not like them. You had also come to the realization that you were gay, which i was happy for you, because you were finding out who you were, and you weren’t denying who you were anymore. You had also gotten a boyfriend, Troy, who i had seen made you smile, who seemed to make you happy, happier than you seemed in that bible-study group you were in. It made me happy to see all of these changes. You passing so soon angers me when I think about this. A life cut short, someone who was finally finding himself, his life extinguished before he had a chance to shine as bright as he could.

I won’t dwell on the sadness of your passing. I feel that’s not what you would want of me. I will always cherish our times together, even if they weren’t too many. I will always remember your warmth, compassion, caring, and genuine relaness that i got to know in the three years since I had met you. I will always remember and love you, David, I will not forget you, you will always be in my heart, for as long as I live.

Rest in peace, homie.



Those are some wonderful thoughts. David sounds like someone worth knowing.

You’ve reminded me of a lot of my own friends. I’m thinking of them now, and feeling very lucky to have them in my life.

Thank you for sharing.

Nick (planning on a few emails and phone calls)

Mid twenties? Jesus. What a terrible age to go.

Reminds me of how relieved I was a year ago after hearing my ticker was 100% OK (apart from the odd misfire, which appears to be harmless) - after weeks of research and waiting.

I guess not everybody’s as lucky.

Great tribute, Doob. I hope your friend’s in a better place now.

Another angel among us Doob. I’m sorry for your loss.

A terrible thing has happened, and I feel deeply saddened for you. Just remember, a life that inspires a tribute as beautiful as yours is a life that was not wasted.
Thank you for sharing David with us.

Doob, I told you last night to make it a good one, and you did in spades, buddy. A wonderful post made about an obviously wonderful man, posted by one of the best people I’ve never had the honour to meet. We can only wish that we will be deserving of such memories when our time comes.

Beautiful job, Doob. As I said in chat, I think Carpe Diem is a fitting tribute always to those that leave us behind. Good luck with your friends and family, and keep David in your mind as you continue to come out and fully grow as a person.

Much love to you.


Wonderful post, Doob. You are a great friend and a good man.
You are lucky to have known a person like David. Keep his memories in your mind and his inspiration in your heart.
Much love.


I thank you all who have responded. David truly was a wonderful guy. Everyone who met him have said he’s one of the nicest people they had ever met. He also wasnt afraid to do his own thing. Someone said he went to a halloween party one year dressed as “spank me smurf”. David was like that. He had a kind of wild side, but it wasn’t overt. David just…was.

But, while i mourn his passing, i wont let it consume me. I have to live, it’s what he would want.

It sounds like you were wonderful friends to each other.

Do you know if this was something he expected? It sounds like he didn’t let his health problems keep him from leading a full, rich life.

Doob, I’m sorry you lost a friend. What would normally be devastating is even more so in it’s unexpectedness. But, it seems as though you, even if you may still be questioning a lot of things, are celebrating him, instead of mourning his loss. Not only is that the unselfish thing to do, and not only does it require great insight, but I’m sure it’s what he’d want for you.

Thanks for sharing David’s memory with us.

Friends shouldn’t die.

Thank you for sharing this person who was such a source of strength to you with us. Makes me feel like I know you better.

Keep your head up, my friend.

I admire your strength. David seems incredible and I’m sorry that you no longer have him in your life.

Excellent tribute Doob. My condolence’s to his family as well.

You still seem to be taking it very well “Sparky”, which is awesome. Once again, I’m really sorry.


Doobie, my deepest condolences for your loss. It’s always hardest to lose a friend close to our own age, as it reminds us just how mortal we all are, in spite of our youth. I’m sure we all wish that when we die we will have touched or inspired someone at some point in our lives. It’s clear that David did that for you, so his short time on earth was certainly not wasted. Godspeed in healing your own heart from your sadness.


Oh {{{Doobieous}}}
I’m sad that such a young sweet guy is gone so soon. Keep him in your good strong heart, and honor that memory in the best ways. We keep each other going, through time and on yond.

Take the spark he gave you and give it the fire he didn’t have the chance to. That’d be the best grace of any one of us gone too soon…

:frowning: for what happened, but that was a wonderful tribute, Doob.

Well, last night I attended a memorial service for him thrown by the department for his major (Teledramatic Arts and Technology- TAT). I found out that it was indeed expected. David told his boyfriend once that he didnt expect to live past his twenties. Evidently, his prophecy was right, he didnt live past his twenties.

David had cardiomyopathy, which weakens the heart muscle, so, to compensate, the muscle gets bigger. I learned last night that David would never run, or do anything energeticfor long periods of time because it tired him out too much. He could have taken medicine to help it, but it was experimental, and while it did stabilize the heart, it caused him depression, and he felt he wasnt living like everyone else. So, to have the life he wanted, he stopped taking his medication. At first i though that 'd rather him take his medication and live,but then i realized that to davey that wasnt living. I’d rather him live a brilliant life, than continue on dimly. At the memorial service last night, Troy said that the last thing David did was take a run with him down the beach.

The memorial service was wonderful, it was made clear that while we should mourn, we shouldnt mourn his death, but celebrate his life. A lot of people shared their stories about David. I also shared. I talked about meeting him the first time, and how while David was vegetarian, he would always cook our group spam with sugar and soy sauce (which brought laughter to the crowd). There were some funny memories talked about, some tears, but, a lot of joy for who David was. We also saw his last stage performance, in a show called “the 1940’s radio hour”. I didnt see it, and I truly wish I had. I hope copies of the tape will be made and given to those who ask.

I got to meet his family, who were very happy that so many people showed up (at least 30). His sister is wonderful. My friend abe, troy, troy’s two friends, and davey’s sister and I all hung out for a few hours after the event and talked about davey, life, things of that nature. I also told troy that since i didnt get to know him much while david was still around, that i wanted to get to know him better (who is a very very funny guy, he’s such a comedian, and good at impressions, as well as so fabulously flamboyant ;)). Troy is such a great guy, and the two truly were soul mates. So, i have his number and apartment address, so i hope to become good friends with troy. I really do think such a tragedy is bringing people closer together.

Saturday is our little group’s get together in honor of David, and on the 24th, there’s going to be a life celebration. It will be all the things Davey liked and liked to do at parties, so it should be a happy event, and not sad. For closure, we’re going to head to the beach and launch balloons, have a bonfire, and burn letters to davey (Davey believed that if you burned a letter, or a positive message on a piece of paper, it would extend out to the universe).

I really appreciate the kind thoughts you all have shown me. Writing that letter to him (which will be included in a written memorial book), as well as sharing my feelings and thoughts here have helped me get by. I am doing well, i think the memorial has also helped. I think when the final farewell happens, i’ll ask to close the thread (dont do it yet, mods!) ;).

What a great tribute to a friend, Doob. It sounds like David packed what short time he had with just as much life and love as it would hold. The kind of friends and good memories you’re describing could have come only from someone who lived what life he had very generously indeed.

Thanks for letting us get to know something of David’s life, and all comfort to you and the others who loved him.


I am sorry to hear the loss of your friend from your life, Doobieous.

:slight_smile: Just think of him and your thought extends to him. He is in another dimension, but he hears you.