Every day, the fuzzy black land shark who lives in my house greets me on the front page when I get home from work.
The conversation usually goes something like this:
Me: “Howdy.”
FBLS: mrraow
Me: “So did you have an eventful day?”
FBLS: prrmaow
Me: “Really. How interesting.”
FBLS: miaow
Me: “Well, I’ll expect a full report, at your convenience of course.”
Then we go inside.
Do you lick his fur like that cat in the OP pic?
The only cat I see regularly is one of those DID ones that is sweet-sweet-sweet-sweet-RROWRR-bity-scratchy. So I do use the baby talk tone, but usually to say things like “You are a shithead, aren’t you? aren’t you? Stay away from me you psycho…” But all in a cutesy voice so I don’t think her feelings are hurt.
I don’t think my cats would stand for that.
You’d get this look - the WTF are you talking about and can’t you go away until you are needed look.
Our conversations more center around why they don’t ever help around the house anymore and when do they think they’ll start looking for jobs to pay for all this cat food they’ve been snarfing down. :dubious:
When I see a cat, I usually say, “Hello, cat.” The key is getting just the right intonation of disgust and condescension on the word “cat.” I figure, that’s how they seem to greet me, so I should return the favor.
Of course, after the greeting, I still give them plenty of belly rubbins and ear scratches. I’m only human, you know.
Mouse over text?!?!?
Damn! Now I have to go through the entire archive - again.
Yep, you and me both…it’s so worth it though!
I always greet the babies with “You’re a cat! Don’t deny it. I can tell by the ears and whiskers! I did not authorize a cat!” Then they beg for food and I feed them.
No.
I will admit to one thing. When we’re eating people food, I have been known to say to the cat, in an Oliver-Platt-as-Porthos voice, “You can’t have any; you’re a cat.” (It’s only fair, after all. We don’t eat any cat food and he doesn’t eat any people food.)
I think I’ve done it twice.
I’m catless in my current household, but I do pet-sit for folks with cats. There’s a really charming pair of jellicle cats I’m taking care of right now.
I tell them they’re terrible-horrible-wicked-bad CATS while I pet them. They purr and seem to appreciate the sentiment. However, I also tell my dogs and other dogs the exact same thing (substituting “dogs” for “cats” of course.)
I’m sure I’ll be singing the “Cat – you’re a kitty cat” dance song to them next time. Damn you all. 
