In the Beginning, God created the heavens and the
Earth, and the Earth was without form, and void,
and darkness was upon the face of the deep.
And Satan said, “It doesn’t get any better than this.”
And God said, “Let there be light,” and there was
light. And God said, “Let the earth bring forth
grass, the herb yielding seed, and the fruit tree
yielding fruit,” and God saw that it was good.
And Satan said, “There goes the neighborhood.”
And God said, "Let us make Man in our image, after
our likeness and let them have dominion over the
fish of the sea, and over the cattle, and over all
the Earth. And so God created Man in his own
image: male and female created he them.
And God looked upon Man and Woman and saw that
they were lean and fit.
And God populated the earth with broccoli and
cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow
vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman
would live healthy lives.
And Satan said, "I know how I can get back in this
game. "And Satan created McDonald’s. And
McDonald’s brought forth the 99-cent double
cheeseburger.
And Satan said to Man, “You want fries with that?”
And Man said, “Supersize them.” And Man gained
five pounds.
And God created the healthful yogurt, so that
Woman might keep her figure that man found so fair.
And Satan brought forth Chocolate. And Woman
gained five pounds.
And God said, “Try my crispy fresh salad.”
And Satan brought forth Ben and Jerry’s. And Woman
gained 10 pounds.
And God said, “I have sent thee heart-healthy
vegetables and olive oil with which to cook them.”
And Satan brought forth chicken-fried steak so big
it needed its own platter.
And Man gained 10 pounds and his LDL cholesterol
went through the roof.
And God brought forth Nike and New Balance running
shoes, and Man resolved to lose those extra
pounds.
And Satan brought forth cable TV with remote
control so Man would not have to toil to change
channels between ESPN and ESPN2. And Man gained another 20 pounds.
And God said, “You’re running up the score, Devil!”
And God brought forth the potato, a vegetable
naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition.
And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced
the starchy center and deep-fat fried them.
And he created sour cream dip also.
And Man clutched his remote control and ate the
potato chips swaddled in cholesterol.
And Satan saw and said, “It is good.”
And Man went into cardiac arrest.
And God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.
And Satan smiled and created HMOs