“Four score and seven years ago”;
Mr. Lincoln intoned with a mischeivous glow…
I lost my dog; he’s ran away…
“I lost my dog, he’s ran away.”
“Not lost. I sold him on E-bay.”
When you are old and grey and full of sleep…
When you are old and grey and full of sleep…
Let’s hope your little guy still rises up steep.
There was an old lady who lived in a shoe . . . .
There was an old lady who lived in a shoe . . . .
Drank chablis with Ted Nugent, and Kublai Khan too,
There was an old lady who swallowed a spider…
There was an old lady who swallowed a spider.
Personally, I’d prefer hot apple cider.
The day is done, and darkness falls…
The day is done, and darkness falls;
As I run into the cobwebs beneath her shawls.
Why did I choose to run all this way…
Why did I choose to run all this way…
With my dog and giant shoes bought on E-bay
A fool, a fool, I met a fool in the forest…
A fool, a fool, I met a fool in the forest…
His tool, his tool, it made me the sorest.
Amazing grace how sweet the sound…
Amazing grace how sweet the sound…
that saved a wretch like me
From butchering my Basset Hound
for p***ing up my knee
It is an ancient mariner, who stoppeth one of three…
It is an ancient mariner, who stoppeth one of three…
And he plays outfield with Ichiro Suzuki.
I can write the saddest poem of all tonight.
I can write the saddest poem of all tonight,
But instead, I am waiting at a traffic light.
Are you going to Scarborough Fair?
Are you going to Scarborough Fair?
If so, try not to touch the carnies there.
Lo! Death has reared himself a throne…
Lo! Death has reared himself a throne
Where he sits and licks his ice cream cone.
Where the bee sucks, there suck I…
Where the bee sucks, there suck I…
Boyfriend’s happy, so am I.
a man who had fallen among thieves…
was wise to conceal cash up his sleeves.
Brightness falls from the air
Brightness falls from the air
God himself picks up the spare
Miss Mary Margaret, the midsummer flower,
Miss Mary Margaret, the midsummer flower,
Charges her “customers” by the hour.
Christmas Eve, and twelve of the clock
“Now they are all on their knees”…
They are convicted, in the dock,
and corrupt judges spurn their pleas.
How shall I love thee? Let me count the ways
How shall I love thee? Let me count the ways
Then I’d like fellatio three times a day.
As I was walking 'round Grosvenor Square…
…I fantasized about the carnies at Scarborough Fair.
Yes, I know that’s an overshare,
But it’s better than flashing my pubic hair.
Is this a dagger I see before me, the handle toward my hand?