A Visit From Saint Dickolas

The BBQ Pit
1

The road was a-litter with cards left and right,
Headlights ablaze so it scarcely looked night,
When, what do my weary ears start to hear,
But the sounding of sirens, as if fire was near,

The source of the blaring quickly is found,
A chorus of fire trucks on the northbound,
Emergency thinks we, other drivers and I,
So we screech to a halt to let them all by,

And come by the do, truck after truck,
Me at full stop, I wish them all luck,
It matters not now that traffic is now jammed,
Someone’s in trouble, so traffic be damned,

But it was then that the strangest sight met my eyes,
A passenger aboard was waving at guys,
Who is this elfin fighter of fires,
That smiles and waves amidst the screeching of tires,

A red suit he had donned, the flamboyant chap,
And white fur was lined on his coat and his cap,
“There no fire” thinks I, and the thought made me sick,
This menace before me must be Saint Dick

2

Nice poem.

One of the firefighters was dressed up as Santa Claus? Why?

3

Maybe it was a chimney fire?

4

We get Santa Claus on a fire truck every year.

5

I think it was a parade, or similar fare,
That required St. Nick to conspicuously be there,
Why it was after dark, I dare not guess,
Nor why Santa left the roadway a dangerous mess

6

No warnings, no banners, no traffic cop,
No signs, no cones, but still we must stop,
And Santa ho-hoed on his merry malevolent way,
Sirens and lights dancing on his death-fire sleigh

7

Sounds like maybe he was a little light in the loafers?

8

This same thing happened to me in my hometown. Driving down the main street last Saturday night, and here come lights and sirens. It’s Santa! Making everyone pull over! When it’s dark and cold and rainy!

Santa: What do you want for Christmas, little boy?

Little boy: I want you to cause my dad to get in an accident, Santa. You defucktive bastard.

9

This pisses me off, no end.

We got this treatment a couple years back. Sitting in the living room, 8:30ish in the evening, when sirens go off just down the street from us. And they’re headed our way. We live in what could accurately be described as largely a retirement community. We like most of our neighbors, and get along with the ones we’re not first-name-friendly with. So my first thought is “Medical Emergency.”

I’m slipping my shoes on, and I see the wig-wags going across the blinds, and they’re slowing to a stop. Oh shit, it’s my elderly next door neighbor with the bum ticker. I charge out into the front yard, and…

A flatbed trailer, towed behind a fire engine, full of smiling waving people. Smack dab in the middle of the crowd is ol’ St. Dick himself.

“Merry Christmas!” yell the happy smiling people.
“Ho ho ho!” yells St. Dick.

“What the FUCK!” yells the unhappy Skeezix.
“Flip,” goes the bird, as he pivots in place, and re-enters his home, slamming the door.
“Pound pound pound,” goes his heart as the unused adrenaline dumps through his system.

Pissed me right off.

10

Wow…good god guys why not just stick the whole damn Christmas fun time feelings right down the ole shitter why dont we? Maybe a childs day has been brightened with a visit from santa. Too bad for you that you had to pull over for 5 seconds or that for an instant you thought there was something wrong. You should be HAPPY all was OK.You got over it now lighten the xmas up ya scrooges :stuck_out_tongue:

11

I waited in the cold all damn morning beside a guy dressed in a garbage bag and carpet remnants for the Church’s annual Pneumonic Mass for the Poor and just plain Ugly, just for the Xmas gift bags. And all I got was a box of Rid lice treatment, hospital Kleenex, two perfume samples , and a green candy cane!
And with every news camera in town there to record the retched review… everbody in the Tri-State thinks I got the kooties!

Bah freaking hum bug indeed!..Rand

12

Merry Christmas is closed, but this shit is nominated for Threadspotting. Nothing is more confusing than a handstabber making a point.

13

Way back in the early fifties the merchants in Mesa hired some promoter to come up with a good kick-off to the shopping season. He came up with the idea of having Santa on a firetruck as the marshall for the day-after-Thanksgiving parade.

“Yawn,” said all of the merchants.

But wait, there’s more! He was going to hire a parachutist to jump out an airplane, land, and climb onto the firetruck in front of everybody. That plan got approved.

Unfortunately, the jumper was paid before his gig and apparently spent a good bit of it on Christmas cheer (or Dutch courage) the night before. In any event, he was in no shape to be jumping out of bed, never mind an aircraft, on the big day.

Now this was fifty years ago. Skydiving was in its infancy at best and there was nobody around who could take the expert’s place. Desperate, the promoter came up with Plan B: A dummy would be dressed in a Santa suit and dropped behind some buildings where he (the promoter) would be waiting in a duplicate suit to appear, climb on the truck, etc.

The 'chute streamered.

What’s worse, the higher velocity of the package threw off any wind-drift calculations they may have had, so Santa didn’t land behind any building. Instead the horrified crowd watched him hit the ground hard, bounce about five feet into the air, then lie very, very still.

Talk about your sad parade. Hundreds of kids bawling and I imagine a number of adults, too. I don’t know if they had the sirens on or not. The promoter left town and has never been back. I imagine there was a lot of talk about the miracle of Santa Claus the next few weeks and on Christmas day.

The (Phoenix) paper would reprint the story every year when I was a kid back in the sixties. They haven’t lately; I guess it got tiresome after a while.

DD

14

Libertarian drive-by, so absent of mirth,
Perhaps he’s depressed, so absent of girth,
Or it could be his socks are six sizes to tight,
Or his dog turned him down with a headache tonight

15

Was ist das "Merry Chrisrmas?

Is there a link?

16

Originally posted by Libertarian
Merry Christmas is closed, but this shit is nominated for Threadspotting. Nothing is more confusing than a handstabber making a point.

I’m not sure what a handstabber is…But I figured it was a call for some good ole fashioned self flagellation …but my cat-o-nine tails is so wore down all I can do is chafe my neck.

So I’m betting I’ll be transported to a whole new level of spiritual awareness if I jam a toliet brush between my couch cushions and sit down on it…Rand the Penitent

17

In my first attempt at linking to a specific post, here is Libertarian’s explanation of the term “handstabber”.

I hope he is feeling better soon, as I have a lot of respect for the man, and I find his non-truculent posts to be quite spirit-affirming.

18

In my first attempt at linking to a specific post, here is Libertarian’s explanation of the term “handstabber”.

I hope he is feeling better soon, as I have a lot of respect for the man, and I find his non-truculent posts to be quite spirit-affirming.

I am way out of my league here man!..If I’ve come across as an ass I am truly sorry…Being surrounded by family and friends who tell me on a daily basis that I should be regailed to the nether world has left me a bit touchy…If I have misconstrued any one’s posts feel at ease that I’ll be off line as soon as my 6 months of free AOL is up…Otherwise, I truly enjoy the repartee…Rand

19

Ah yes, the children, of them we must think,
Up past eight, in the dark, on a highway’s cold brink,
Picture their faces, their smiles all aglow,
Dad’s in the ditch, the car in the snow

What joyful carnage, how dare I not see,
That Saint Dick had a reason to kill all of we,
As long as one child (for their could not have been more,)
Stayed up, and strayed out, to see all the gore

20

Ahh a pit thread, yes one must be begun
For Waverly needs to bitch to SOMEONE.
When what do my ears now hear?
The sound of Waverly wailing and brimming with tears.

The source of the tears is sadly clear
As he had to pull over for Santa, without his reindeer.
You may think, what is all the fuss and the clatter?
I can hardly believe that such a tiny thing would matter.

For in reality no damage was done
But simply a Grinch, just wrecking the fun.

Merry belated Xmas