Santa is gay

Everyone here knows my affection for Santa. This was sent to me by a friend who knew about it also. :slight_smile: Love ya’ Nathan. (he doesn’t read the boards)
I hate to be the one to defy sacred myths, but I believe Santa is gay.

1)Christmas is a big, organized, warm, fuzzy, nurturing social deal, and I have a tough time believing a straight man could possibly pull it all off!

2)For starters, think about the planning that goes into an event like Christmas. Even Martha Stewart is envious. Straight men have day jobs, so they wouldn’t have time to stand at the local shopping malls and ring a bell all day. But if you’re a gay, out-of-work Actor/Dancer/Waiter, it’s the perfect gig until you get your big break.

3)Also, if he were straight he would have picked a more masculine animal than the reindeer to get him around, like horses or oxen, but the reindeer just happens to appeal to Santa’s inherent sense of grace and beauty. And those names: Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, and Vixen? Fill in the blanks.

4)Mrs. Claus has been married to him for eons and he’s never
fathered a child with her, she’s over-weight and still content. Can you say “Fag-hag”?

5)Ever thought about the Rudolph story? He’s gay too! “All of the other reindeer used to laugh and call him names. They never let poor Rudolph join in any reindeer games.” As if he wanted to. Isn’t Rudolph really a metaphor for the gay child in a straight society anyway?

6)Ever ask yourself why fruitcake is the traditional dessert at Christmastime? Well, now you know. And stop pretending you don’t like it. Deep down inside, you’ve always liked fruitcake.
Other reasons why Santa can’t possibly be a straight man:
Look at the size of the bag he packs for a one-night trip!

Red velvet, fur collar, black engineer boots. Think people!!!

Physically he’s a wet dream for the Girth and Mirth club and the perfect poster model for Bear Poster Child! (so true)

Gay men have long been using stockings to hide their candy.
Toys, toys, toys.

Ho-Ho / Homo. A little too similar if you ask me.

That long over-night flight around the world taps into the
flight attendant gene.

And one more thing, did you ever know a straight man named
Nicholas? Oh, straight society has tried to butch up his image by calling him St. Nick, but we know better. It’s Nicholas, damn it! Ms. Claus if you’re nasty.

HUGS!
Sqrl

Nicholas is a gay name? Since when? Not that I’d care if NicholasTot were gay, you know me being PC and all, but still…now Bruce, that’s a gay name.

Other than that though, I’d have to say that this theory makes sense. Hmmmmm, must go get a little rainbow sticker for my mini-Santa sleigh.

Hey mods, the title should read Santa is gay. :slight_smile:

Glad you liked it tater. hehehehe :slight_smile: My friend, Nathan, sent this to me. He is so funny.

HUGS!
Sqrl

[hijack]

Sqrl, email me! I got a favor to ask.

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I gotta go with the prevailing opinion on this one. I seen pictures of old fat white-bearded men wearing leather vests and leather baseball caps in bars. Ya can’t tell me Santa doesn’t hang out at the North Pole the rest of the year when business gets slow.

For the most part, I think you may have something here. But:

I’ll give you the names, but I would say reindeer are pretty masculine. I’m talking the real kind, not the Rudolph/Bambi type of deer.

I don’t – really! Not that there’s anything wrong with liking fruitcake. Some of my best friends like fruitcake!

:smiley:

What about Nicholas II of Russia? He was many things-gay wasn’t one of them.

Actually, according to most Romance novelists, Nicholas is a popular name in the genre.

Um… Sqrl, sweetie? My dad’s name is Nicholas.

[sub]maybe it skipped a generation? I am a lot like him…[/sub]

With every other holiday, everybody wishes each other “HAPPY <instert holdiday name here>.” HAPPY birthday. HAPPY new year. HAPPY groundhog’s day.

But Santa, social deviant that he is, goes around screaming “MERRY Christmas!” Why “merry”? Is it because it’s just a shade closer to “gay” than the word “happy”?

Don we now our gay apparel, indeed!

But if you got to know me…
(Yes, that’s my birth name.)

Of course, if you pronounce it that way…

Spritle (they call me “Bruce”)

Nooooo!!! It can’t be that’s Batman. I mean, just because he runs around in tights all night & has a secret life…

After seeing the stuffed reindeer porn at Falcon’s, I can buy it.

Santa’s into beastiality! BWAHAHAHA!

What about Bruce Campbell? He cant possibly be gay.

Are you saying Bruce Lee was “light in the loafers”?
Bruce Dern has more than a passing fancy for styling hair?
Bruce Dickerson (Iron Maiden) calls a spade a ‘thpade’?
Bruce Johnson (Alice Cooper’s 70’s band) would bend over backward for a roadie? [band name notwithstanding]
Lenny Bruce was a $3 bill?

You left out running around with his "youthful ward", the "Boy WOnder" with the shaved legs...

OK, I’ll play along.

What about Comet? Or Blitzen. Sounds like someone’s been watching a little too much WWF. Maybe Mrs. Santa named the others. Or maybe they’re girl reindeer.

No, but I can say “low sperm count”.

Um, sure. Whatever you say. Now tell me what this ink blot looks like.

So, if he looked like one of the Backstreet Boys, then he’d be straight??

I’ll give you this one because I don’t even know what you’re talking about.

I thought his name was Kris Kringle.

Thanks Sqrl. I did enjoy the original post. :slight_smile:

Well, this made getting out of bed less painful and almost worth it.

Thanks!

Stuffed reindeer porn??? Do tell.

So I guess theres money being exchanged around Xmas time…ho ho ho!

Maybe it is because he only comes once a year, and then it is down a chimney :smiley:

THAT explains the Simpson episode with John the gay guy and the Christmas tie-ins. Matt Groening must be aware of this!