AotL: That’s why registering can be a good idea. As Interrobang explained above, the people who want to buy from your registry will ask about it, the people who want to give a check, will, and the people who want to pick something else out, will.
No it’s not. Maybe it’s customary to do so in your circle, but it’s not considered acceptable. I’ve only ever received one shower invitation with a registry note–and it was from someone I disliked, anyway. (I didn’t attend the shower. I think she only invited me because she was trolling for gifts. She also stole my comforter, but that’s another story.)
Think of it in these terms: if you invite someone to your house for lunch, you don’t tell them, “be sure to bring your checkbook”. That’s what a wedding invitation is: an invitation to come celebrate something important in your life, and as such, you will pay for it and entertain them, as they are your guests. And if they bring you a gift of any kind, you will thank them for it, because it was a kindness on their part.
The mistaken notion that one or two here have (and swampbear’s friends have as well) is that you are entitled to a gift by virtue of your getting married. You’re not. The wedding is a giving thing, not a collecting thing.
I agree that it’s tacky to include any mention of gifts with the invitation. Be the bigger person, Swampbear. Overlook their gaucheness and do exactly what you were intending to do for their wedding.
(However, if you would like to take a slightly lower road, since they say they have everything, you could make a donation to a charity in their name and send them the notice with your congratulations card - that’ll learn 'em. Maybe sponsor a zoo animal for them or something.)
When my friend Z. was getting married, he told me that he and the bride-to-be were hoping for checks, because they had everything they needed but needed money. Z. has always had everything he needed; he always buys top-shelf, likes luxury, likes things. They needed money because they just bought a townhouse. The townhouse had a small yard, so I bought them an expensive garden tool.
Another friend of mine, J., was getting married and actually could use the money. I gave the happy couple a check.
Well, featherlou, Warren was quite taken with a poo flinging Gibbon we saw at the local zoo once. Maybe I should send a donation to the zoo, then send him a picture of the Gibbon with one of those cartoon blurb things drawn above it saying thanks.
I sent them a nice note, written on my lovely ivory colored, with raised lettering stationery, wishing them both the best and gushed all over it about how happy I am for the both of them. That oughta do it.
I went to a Sweet Sixteen birthday party the other day. The birthday girl barely circulated with most of the guests (about 50) but chose to sit in her room with her sullen 16-year-old friends. These are good friends of ours, although the mother isn’t exactly an example of tact or manners. Anyhoo, I mentioned to the mom that we forgot the card that we were going to put the check in, and she said, “do you really think she cares about the card?”:eek: . I should have seen it coming…
As to wether the Dutch was translated correctly, it was.
It seems to be a growing trend, too. I’ve received several invitations from the old country with that horrid line.
And the request is somewhat imperious, even… Akin to: “We have plenty of stuff, so kindly send an envelope.”
I usually go one better and put a kind note in the envelope I send them.
I’d just like to add that when you register, the stores will often give you registry cards and tell you to put them in the invitations - please resist this urge. If you must, split them between the best man/maid of honor, and/or give some to your parents if you know they won’t push them on people. Of course they’ll insist it’s fine to do this; they want to sell things to your guests.
I posted this in another thread - I stood up in a wedding and the damn bride called me up every week after she got back from her honeymoon and hounded me for her “gift”.
Just to clarify: I did not put any of those things (re: debt) on my wedding invitation. I did not mention gifts at all. I also did not blow $20K on frou-frou stuff, the ultimate bill for my wedding was $500. (This is what I meant by “bizarre circumstances”) I really did dread the thought of getting all kinds of stuff I didn’t want or need, stuff which would be far more trouble both for me and for my guests than it would have been worth.
But I still don’t get it. Your guests may want to buy you something. You know it, they know it, but you’re not allowed to mention it. So they are obliged to go get you something you don’t really want. If you put nothing on your invitation which indicates what they should do, they are left to their own devices. But apparently it’s better to make them go to the trouble of trying to guess what you may want, inevitably (in my case, since I don’t want anything) getting it wrong, and then having to return the thing myself after the wedding, than it is to indicate that cash would be preferred to a chip and dip set?
I confess this is mildly political: this kind of behaviour drives unnecessary consumption (someone had to produce, buy, store, transport, return, and ultimately dispose of that poor unwanted chip and dip set, just so that no one would be offended). I just think that’s silly.
Or – and in my experience, this is exactly what happens – they ask you, your attendants or your parents what you want or what they can get you. Asking is not against the rules.
At this point, you, your attendants or your parents are allowed to answer the question: “They’re registered at the Bon.” “They’re registered with Lands’ End and Pottery Barn.” “We really don’t want any gifts; please don’t feel obligated to get us anything.” Answering the question is not against the rules, either.
No one is obliged to get anyone a wedding present. No one is obligated to buy wedding presents off of a registry, even if the registry exists.
No one is being forced to do anything – and that’s the point. Trying to force people not to give you presents is just as rude as trying to tell them what to give. Some people really, really want to give you a wedding present. Whether or not you want it. You will hurt their feelings if you forbid them from doing so. And no matter what precautionary measures you take, I guarantee that you will receive presents that you don’t want. That’s one of the byproducts of gift giving.
You may make suggestions. You may have strong preferences. You can not enforce those preferences, however, without being rude.
When I graduated from college, I sent out announcements. Now I’ve always had a bit of an attitude, so this is how is was worded:
DeVena
is proud to announce
that she received a
B.S in Environmental Science
from Small, Over-Priced University
August 4, 1989
Living at home with parents until employed
Visa and Mastercard Welcome
