My son’s eleven, and although we’ve had numerous facts of life discussions, he’s still working things out. It’s comical to watch his expressions when he makes a connection between some slang term he suddenly understands fully.
Included in our Growing Up talks, we’ve covered all the bodily function stuff, natch, and also lots of How Not To Be A Bigot 101. I think his first time using gay as a synonym for stupid was as early as 2nd grade, neither he or his classmates had any idea what they were saying, just repeating what they heard from the older kids. The same year that he first got called a spic, told that he’d be better off quitting school as wetbacks are stupid anyway and taco bell doesn’t require a diploma for their workers, etc.
We had the big talk then, although he probably didn’t understand even a quarter of what I was saying, he got the message that ignorance is bad and generalizations and slurs are ignorant.
He was up past his normal bedtime last night, working on Grandma’s special Christmas card near where I was watching television. Will and Grace was on, a scene where Will flirts with another man and they decide to go on a date. I watch his ears perk up and ready myself for A Big Talk.
*Mom, did he just say he wanted to go out on a DATE with that other man?
Yes, he did.
What, are they gay?
Yes, they are.
Oh. Do you have the red marker over there? I can’t find it.*
That was it. A little pause while he figured out that he understood, then moving right along, nothing of interest here, a complete non-event.
I know this is what should happen, it shouldn’t be an issue, I was just so happily surprised that it wasn’t. Most of our extended family are fundie idiots, he hears slurs of every type used often. He’s also in middle school now, where the biggest and most often used insults among the boys are “faggot!” “you’re gay!” and so on. Yet apparently, a little bit of Mom’s sinking in there somewhere. Yay!
