That’s what I’m talking about. How is it that we have the technology available to do things like IVF, but not have the medical knowledge about the disorder that drives us to it? It’s mind-boggling.
As to hiding yourself away, yeah, I felt the same way at first. My body is basically defective - it’s this essential function that I cannot do - and that’s incredibly depressing. But as I’ve gotten some support from online groups, I’m seeing how common it is and I wish more people knew about it. That’s why I wrote the post and why I’m doing that walk. It’s not just about me - it’s about so very many people. I feel like I can make some of my own pain better by being an advocate for a cause. Breast cancer victims have pink ribbons and 5k’s and fundraisers - maybe we need some of that kind of momentum to help the infertility community.
Hopefully it won’t be as hard as you think, once it’s time. There are drugs out there that can make you ovulate, if you’re not doing it on your own. Have you been checked out for hormone levels, either by a regular doc or a GYN? Thyroid disorders can wreck ovulation, as can PCOS. Maybe if you can get some of that addressed now, you’ll have an easier time of it once you’re officially ready to try for a pregnancy. Best of luck to you.
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Like you, I was also AMAZED by how many aspects of fertility are still unknown, although I tried to put it in perspective and think about how much progress has been made within my own lifetime. (I’m old enough to remember the hoopla about the first “test tube baby” and now it’s perfectly commonplace, for example).
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I am extremely grateful for the resources available to me. Thirty years ago, I would have been told straight out that I should adopt. In many other countries, I’d just be out of luck. With worse insurance or a minimum wage job, I couldn’t even afford to try any of this. So yes, I’m glad that there’s been progress into the treatments. I just wish there was more progress towards understanding the disorder itself.
We are like the same person. After several miscarriages, I was apparently aging before my RE’s eyes, and she started throwing everything at the wall to see what would stick - baby aspirin, synthoid, hysteroscopic lysis. Not that I’m really complaining, because I did end up with a baby, but it still bemuses me that it was the result of the worst scientific method ever.
I think it should be talked about more openly, but at the same time, I COULD NOT talk about it while I was in the middle of it. I was on the verge of becoming an insane person, seriously. There is something especially challenging about talking about/dealing with an extremely emotional situation when the treatment often includes taking a lot of hormones that can have a significant impact on managing one’s emotions.
Ain’t that the truth. I can definitely see why infertility can wreck marriages - not only the stress, but the hormones can make you scary. The progesterone came close to killing me, I think. Literally, in that my depression got bad enough that I had thoughts of how neat it would be to flip my car and spend a few weeks in a nice comfy hospital bed. Which is why I begged the doc to let me go a cycle without it this time.
I think people just process their pain differently. I’m a talker, a sharer. Some people need to be alone with their thoughts, and that’s just as valid. I find myself making the most unbelievably inappropriate jokes about my situation, jokes that would make me punch people if they came from anyone else. It’s a way to cope. Laugh or cry. So I may as well find time to do both.
Many people don’t talk about it because attitudes like this and are all too common. Treatment for infertility is often seen as a selfish use of resources. People with broken reproductive body parts are told to just adopt rather than attempt to fix those body parts.
Ho. Lee. Shit. That’s some frosty coldness right there.
I have more comments on the issue, but they’re easily misconstrued and essentially boil down to: empathy and best wishes for the OP and others like her.
Holy crap, that’s depressing. I can’t even get past the OPs of those threads. I mean, I guess they’re entitled to their opinion, but it’s really hard to read it. And seriously, everyone in the world needs to stop with the “just adopt” shit. Adoption is a wonderful way to build a family… for some people. It’s a big decision, and letting go of dreams of having your own biological children is a really, really tough thing to do.
And there’s no “just” about adopting. It’s a long and emotional process. It’s expensive. I’ve seen friends try to adopt through foster care, only to have the adoption fall through. Fucking heartbreaking. It’s not like walking into PetSmart and leaving with a shiny goldfish in a baggie.
I can definitely relate to that. And I remember, when doing internet research on miscarriage (because when faced with any situation, the first thing I do is try to research it online), I found a bunch of support groups that would posts lists of DOs and DON’T to say to someone who miscarried. Some of the DOs were things that would have horrified me, had anyone said them, and some of the DON’Ts were things that wouldn’t have bothered me at all. So I think there is definitely not any “one size fits all” of responses or reactions.
Has anyone here talked to a doctor about antibiotic therapy to treat recurring miscarriages? In my particular situation of secondary infertility with several early miscarriages, I’m starting to wonder if that wouldn’t straighten things out. I don’t expect my damn GP to play ball with that (because it’s so effing hard to just give me a round of Doxycycline) but maybe my open-minded OB would.
I’m seeing the GP as the first appointment of my “it’s been one year” appointments, soon.
Thanks. I honestly feel bad about complaining. I still have lots of time. My doctor (GP) said that my thyroid level when they tested in late March but were normal last October. She took another draw to be sure and I will be getting those results tomorrow at my appointment. She doesn’t think it is PCOS but I am not sure why.
I hope all of you can find some peace while you go through this ordeal.
Antigen, I don’t know if stories about couples with fertility problems who did finally manage to conceive will make you feel better or worse, but I’ll just say this - I know two couples who were having problems, and they did eventually conceive. One of these couples was my own parents.
There is an obscure clotting factor that may, according to some studies, hinder fertility depending upon whether it is present on both of the woman’s chromosomes. When we were told about it, I was kind of amazed to learn that some REs know about it, but many do not. What’s that about?
Yup. We found out with genetic testing. It’s an upstream defect that basically means my body is less effective at breaking down clots. The few times I’ve had a blood draw in the ER, it’s caused a bit of a fuss because I’m always positive for the markers that indicate clots like pulmonary embolisms. But after three CAT scans, my lungs are clear. The body is weird.
The crazy thing is, that might have not been the issue at all and the baby aspirin, and subsequent baby, was just as likely to have been a fluke. When I worked at the NIH, the not so secret “secret” was that all research funding was really for male pattern baldness, and making fat folks skinny. That was where the money was. But it seems to me like people will pay a lot of money to have kids. So why the fudge isn’t this driving the research? I feel like someone oversimplified the free market principle in economics class.
My OB and GP aren’t sold on the clotting stuff because the research just isn’t compelling statistically. But it burns my ass that a six dollar bottle of baby aspirin, mentioned as an afterthought, may have prevented three miscarriages.
Which one do you mean? As far as I know there are several clotting disorders that can lead to multiple miscarriages, and baby aspirin only helps in a couple of cases. I had a friend who needed heparin shots daily to maintain her pregnancy. Can’t imagine how much fun that must have been.
C677T mutation of the MTHFR gene
and
A1298C mutation of the MTHFR gene
I am heterozygous for these mutations, but they don’t know if it is cis or trans. I would have to do further testing. These mutations cause: hyperhomocysteinemia.
As a result, I am on a baby aspirin regimen (likely for life) and a folic acid regimen (also likely for life, but definitely while procreating to avoid birth defects for lack of folic acid).
I should note that while my OB believes this to be the answer… and why wouldn’t she, seeing as how I had a baby while taking baby aspirin and folic acid, after three misses… my GP thinks this is all woo. As far as he is concerned, the research just isn’t compelling that hyperhomocysteinemia is the cause of multiple unexplained miscarriage. He literally acted like I (and my OB) were suggesting a ridiculous course of treatment, like accupuncture or aromatherapy.