Abolish apostrophes and commas!

Lets abolish all apostrophes and commas. This would be a better world without them. We worry over them and what do they give us in return? Clarity? Hardly.

If one doesnt know how to use them they make a person feel stupid and inadequate (although most people who dont know how to use them dont seem to give a rats ass) and if you do know how to use them you are always on edge braced to see them being abused.

No more tensing up over “it’s” v. “its.” In the case of “you’re” v. “your” all that I would have to be annoyed about is the spelling.

Apostrophes and commas use up ink and give nothing back but anxiety insecurity and surges in stomach acid. I say out with them!

Apostrophes are easy, and commas are not that much more difficult. From what I can tell, people just aren’t taught how to use either one, so they make assumptions about how they are supposed to be used. And you can’t have it both ways. If people don’t give a rat’s ass about proper usage, they can’t also be stressed out about usage. I’d rather we keep them and teach people correctly instead of abolishing them and making it harder to understand written communication.

I wrote a poem about commas, sort of…

Punctuational Perversity

I just,
can’t seem,
to keep,
from adding commas to,
my work;
Pausing,
every other word,
like freakin’,
Captain,
Kirk.
Punctuational perversity,
pervades,
within my mind;
I have,
to see,
a comma
at the end of,
every line.
If not,
a pause,
Then a full,
stop, a,
period-ication,
A semi-colon,
dot dot dot,
perhaps a hy-
phenation.
And so,
dear reader,
please,
forgive,
when such,
said things,
invade;
it’s just,
that,
punctuational,
perversity,
pervades.

Despite my occasional tendencies toward grammar fascism, I could get behind losing the apostrophe; it’s happening anyway. But touch not the comma, except to encourage more use of the dash and the parenthesis. All three add a great deal of clarity.

That is lovely. I’d like to hear it set to music. Possibly with the sound of a metronome in the background. But a hesitating metronome.

ETA: Dashes, yes. Like Emily Dickinson.

My first name has an apostrophe in it. I have a vested interest in keeping them around.

I’ve been noticing this in sporting news - the possessive apostrophe has pretty much disappeared.

Compare:

Let’s eat, Grandpa!
Let’s eat Grandpa!

Commas: preventing cannibalism since Aldus Manutius.

Excellent point, Matt.

Okay… some commas allowed.

Your right.

Only if Grandpa is delicious :slight_smile:

Using … is always better… when you type.

That was great. And when I got to the line about Captain Kirk, I started hearing it in William Shatner’s voice. :smiley:

Arent most grandpas?

My right? I thought you meant your right.

Christ, we’ll never get the new sofa up the stairs at this rate.

Christ well never get the new sofa up the stairs at this rate?

Your right!

I’m afraid that we might need to do something which has obviously never been tried before – teach people how to read and write properly. I know this is a shocking concept that has actually never been attempted before (I don’t consider any of the “grammar” lessons I had in school to be the list bit useful in teaching proper grammar). Someone who is not a grammarian actually needs to determine how to teach reading and writing without making it so obtuse and incomprehensible that kids just give up out of frustration. I don’t need to diagram a damn sentence. I don’t need to know about all of the obscure grammatical terms. Just tell me how to use the words correctly and where they make sense in modern American English (insert appropriate language for your country in place of American English) and let’s get on with it and read. That is how I learned most of my English – by reading books. I know this is another shocking and unheard of concept – but, it does work.

Um…is that apostrophe in your first name actually supposed to be a accent mark, by any chance?

I wouldn’t jump to that conclusion. Grammatical marks are surprisingly common in first names. My own has an exclamation mark in it. It’s to make sure people know I’m important.