My wife was just saying repeatedly that I’m a d***head. I expressed my horror then she said I should call her a bitch. I called her a bitchy bitch. Right before that we were messing around slapping each other and sometimes giving unexpected tongue during kisses, etc. Apparently most of her past relationships have been abusive.
I call my husband ‘The Old Bastard’. I’ve got that name put into my cell for him, too. My phone tells me who is calling, and it’s sometimes a bit embarrassing when it goes off in the middle of the store, saying, ‘The Old Bastard is calling!’. I get lots of odd looks, and many laughs from it. If I’m going to the store, and my husband knows it, he’ll sometimes give me a call. It’s usually when I’m in the checkout line.
He calls me ‘The Old Bitch’. So, we’re even. My Gawd, I love that man!
I occasionally call my wife ‘You old bitch’, and my sister ‘Wedgehead’, but the normal day-to-day abuse is saved for the dogs. How odd that an 80 lb male Boxer goes into a canine happy dance when I look him in the eye and say “You is uuugleeee!”
Got herself a band name there, JC.
Based upon this and past posting history, you are a dysfunctional person in an unhealthy relationship. Recognize this and do something about it.
Yes I am dysfunctional but I think my relationship is healthy. I try to follow Dr John Gottman’s finding that happy relationships have a 5:1 ratio of positive to negative interactions. We communicate about just about everything well. We have a satisfying sex life. We use a lot of the 5 “love languages”. What is unhealthy about it? This thread is sort of like what schoolkids might apparently do to people they “like”. It is about keeping things fresh and interesting. Lately we say we love each other a lot. We make some demands and compromise.
On the other hand apparently in about 50% of relationships there is cheating. Also about half of marriages end in divorce. What do you suggest I do?
Tie her up, duh!
Why is calling her a “bitch” worse than calling her a “baby”?
First off don’t be one of those a-holes and cheat on your wife. Divorce her first and THEN cheat on her.
I just clicked in because of the thread title, to say that I would totally watch that movie.
I have no idea who Dr Gottman is, nor am I particularly interested enough to look him up. However, the fact that you cite his “findings” is a prime example of why you do not have a healthy adult relationship. Well, that and the way you keep asking us for validation of your behaviour.
If you need to track your “interactions” with your spouse and rate them in terms of “positive to negative” you are doing it wrong. I also have no freaking idea of what “love languages” might be.
It sounds as if you have found a study that has quantified what makes healthy, respectful adult spousal relationships work and are trying to force your relationship into fitting the guidelines. It doesn’t work that way. A happy couple will have a preponderance of “positive interactions” because they love and respect each other. It is not a scoring system; it is an emergent property of a healthy relationship.
You will continue to be dysfunctional and unsatisfied until you recognize that you cannot force, fake or hack a meaningful relationship.
One of my top ten worst movies of all times.
OP: every time the lil lady says something to you, scowl and say, “Shut your whore mouth”. It’ll make her hot.
“Gottman was recognized in 2007 as one of the ten most influential therapists of the past quarter century.”
He did proper studies on many couples. Unlike most marriage therapists his books aren’t just based on his intuitions. He can predict with 90+% accurate which marriages will succeed or fail.
I’m not asking for validation! I’m asking for feedback.
I don’t count them explicitly (like Dr Gottman did in his studies) I just try to get a feel for whether there are a lot of positive interactions. The positive interactions would be based on genuine affection of course.
Well you could have found out in a minute or so:
But instead you prefer to reply while being uninformed.
It has sold 8 million copies:
http://www.5lovelanguages.com/resources/free-study-guides/
I didn’t say that it is scientific (like Gottman’s studies) but it is somewhat helpful.
Actually Dr Gottman had a seminar to help troubled marriages and it helped most of them when he gave his advice.
Yes we love and respect each other!
We do have a meaningful relationship and I’m satisfied with it. BTW Dr Gottman talks about a lot more than the 5:1 ratio he discovered in his books. I just find that helpful.
Has she mentioned her penis lately?
What about the other posters who shared their cutesy abusive nicknames? They should break up too because they don’t meet your standards?
Johnclay uses odd phrasing and lack of emotional framing in his posts, which causes people to assume the WORST and then just derails the thread. It would be like me posting my wife said if I eat all the pizza overnight she is going to kill me, and then people here thinking I am actually about to be murdered. Sheesh enough already!
On the other hand, if he and his wife are happy, who gives a shit? They certainly seem to be, so I don’t.
Haven’t heard from his wife, and I do have friends who relate to each other in the most unusual ways. However, I believe that if he really were satisfied in their relationship he would not be fishing for validation on internet message boards.
This is an ongoing source of contention between my partner and me. He doesn’t call me names, per se, but he routinely says insulting, belittling things to me and passes it off as “teasing” or “kidding.” He knows it upsets me, I’ve asked him countless times not to do it, but he persists because, according to him, a healthy relationship includes an element of “playful banter.” I counter that to my way of thinking, a healthy relationship means not saying shitty things to each other, but it falls on deaf ears.
Admittedly, I’m more sensitive than most. I grew up in an extremely emotionally abusive household, and my school life was no better. Now, at the age of 42, having escaped my family and left junior high school far behind, I don’t think I should have to tolerate that kind of treatment. He’s aware of my issues and how I came by them, but insists that I should “lighten up.” Am I being unreasonable?
He isn’t fishing for validation, he wants to talk about a topic he finds interesting or amusing like the cognitive dissonance of couples having cutesy “abusive” nicknames.
But then the way he words it rubs people the wrong way and the topic derails into what a horrible person he is and his wife too.
I know because I do the exact same thing and the exact same thing happens to me, I’m not fishing for someone to tell me “thats wonderful!” I just want to interact socially but don’t know how.
Of course not. A healthy relationship is one in which the partners respect each other and try to make one another feel good rather than upset.
It’s possible, for some people in some relationships, for teasing and playful insults to make the partners feel good and not to indicate any lack of respect; but that’s obviously not the case with you and your partner.