ADD or something else? (Long)

In My Humble Opinion
61

Meditation is helpful to me. It doesn’t have to be anything complicated, just count your breaths, from 1 to 10, and start over. If a thought enters you mind, you don’t waste effort banishing it. You mentally register what it is, and continue counting your breaths. Eventually the thoughts will all settle out like mud in a cloudy stream, then you can enjoy the meditative clarity.

The more you practice, the more effective it is. Take myself for example. At my best, it takes 10 minutes to settle my thoughts, then I get 30 minutes of actual meditation. I find that to be a very beneficial practice. Lately I’ve had a number of life challenges, so it takes me 60 minutes to settle my thoughts and I only get 10 minutes of meditation. Better than nothing, but it shows the importance of regular practice.

There are many other kinds of mediation too, but that’s what helps me.

62

I recently completed an evaluation by a psychologist who specializes in ADHD across the lifespan. He did a pretty thorough evaluation including medical history, childhood history and CARS evaluation (and some other exam.) He considered the potential impact of epilepsy, trauma, anxiety and depression on these symptoms.

While I clearly have no issues with hyperactivity, I scored in the 96th percentile for problems with memory and inattention. So I have been diagnosed with Inattentive Type ADHD.

It is kind of mindblowing to be given such a diagnosis at age 33. You can’t help but look back on your life and all the ways you screwed it up by not having known. All the problems I had with my Mom growing up since I was never paying attention/following through on housework, the way I had to withdraw for a year in college since I was overwhelmed by schoolwork and not going to class, the way I struggled with unemployment for so long even after I earned my Masters, and now the way I’m struggling with so much unstructured time… ugh. I mean, it’s good. I’m optimistic. But ugh. I’m doing a lot of reading. I found a book on organizational principles for ADD so I spent half the day today reorganizing my house. Still a lot to do, but I’m feeling hopeful for the first time that I’ll be able to stay more on top of housework.

Sr. Weasel thinks I should try meds, I’m sick to GD death of meds and not sure what I want to do. But I will at least see a psychiatrist and discuss my concerns.

Nava, FYI I finally bit the bullet and told my (sort of ) supervisor that I need more supervision, accountability, and structure. I suggested we meet every Thursday morning to review my progress and upcoming goals. I was nervous to admit such a flaw at a job where I seem to be doing well, but I let one (small grant, but it’s still my job anyhow) deadline fly by, and that was the final straw. Better to address it before the cost is greater. So she actually has been feeling overwhelmed herself (remember, she’s doing the work of three high-level positions), she said she feels like she’s behind too and it will help her stay on task also. She thanked me and apologized for not suggesting something herself, sooner.

So I guess that worked out well. Now I have a little built in accountability for my work, that should help me get over the ‘‘I have no boss’’ hump.

I’m also reading a book about ending internet addiction, it’s a 30 day plan, I’m on Day 15, so far so good. (Not quite to the part where you start restricting internet time… it’s a slow build.) But at this point I’ve removed all electronics from my bedroom at night and have started sticking to a consistent sleep routine.

I am cautiously optimistic that now that I know the nature of the problem I’m dealing with, I’ll be able to find ways to work around it.

63

Knowing the beast is the first step toward taming it. Don’t fret about stumbles…you won’t be perfect all the time. That’s okay. None of us are. You pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and keep going.

64

Hooray for Plans! I’m all in favor of Plans.

65

Me write too slowly :stuck_out_tongue:

One of the reasons for my last job switch was that I had seven bosses and none of them was “my boss”; there were a lot of people who could give me orders or rebuke me, but nobody who’d give me directions. And that was one reason that everybody who asked “how come?” understood. My own subordinate style is “point me in the right direction and get out of the way”: I need less feedback than you do, but I still need someone to do the pointing. Even the most independent worker needs supervision, finding out what style you need is just another stage on the path to self-knowledge (and yes, I know I just managed to sound like the blurbs on a self-help book).

66

Spice Weasel if the book on organizational principles seems helpful, would you mind sharing the title?

I got my diagnosis at 48. I was actually happy to get it. It explained so much. I try to focus on that, and not the “what ifs”.

I think your strategy at work, weekly meetings with your manager is a good idea for anyone. I did something similar both upwards (with my managers) and downwards (with my direct reports) when I was working. It just helps keep everyone aligned. My husband takes it even further and maintains a running task list, with status, that he reviews at each meeting with his manager.

In terms of meds, I got by for years and years without them (obviously). I worked hard and found strategies and I got by. When I was diagnosed, and was prescribed medication I did try it. It was astonishing. Life just wasn’t so hard. Faced with a list of things I needed to do, I just did them. I would say they were very effective for me. My experience, for what it’s worth, is that they were very helpful.