Admitted to my girlfriend that I am an alcoholic

I just admitted to my girlfriend that I am an alcoholic. I was in denial about it, but I can’t handle alcohol - I drink too much. I’m going to start going to AA meetings. For me alcohol is a crutch and I started drinking by myself, which indicated to me that I have a problem.

She said she can’t be with an alcoholic so I’m expecting the worst. I’m expecting her to break up with me. I realize that I need help to stay sober. I guess I’m just ashamed right now. It’s really hard admitting this, but I need help. The fact that I’m not in love with graduate school doesn’t help - it’s just made me depressed.

Thanks for listening.

Good for you for recognizing the problem and getting help. You may indeed be in for some rocky days, but that’s short term. The long term sobriety is so worth it. And give your girlfriend time – you are an alcoholic now, she’s known you as an alcoholic (although it doesn’t seem she realized it), and tomorrow she will know you as an alcoholic in recovery. You don’t say what her history is or if you even know, but just realize there are people in this world who have been mortally wounded, or nearly so, by addicts in their lives. She needs to do what’s best for her, you need to do what’s best for you.

What you are doing takes a lot of courage. Never discount that – hold on to it.

Like I said before, I’ve been depressed lately because I just don’t feel that graduate school is right for me and my situation isn’t the best. I would rather be closer to my parents. I don’t really like living in a college town where there is drinking and loud noise everywhere. I guess I just need to learn how to ignore it. Not really sure what to do. I’m hoping the AA meetings will help.

I also don’t have many friends. It would help if I could remember how to make friends or didn’t have such a problem making friends.

AA can help you through that. I think most of us go through feeling like we don’t have many friends, or any close friends. AA can and will support you. You will come out on top, but you do have to do the homework.

Best of luck to you and know that we are cheering you on.

One of the best things my husband has ever done for me/him/us was to recognize that he was well on his way to alcoholism, and he quit cold turkey. We weren’t married yet then, and he was just about to head into med school. It saved him, and his career, and it saved our relationship. I love him for it, and I hope your girlfriend can see that you are making smart smart SMART decision here.

Stick w/ Grad School a little while longer, get your pins under you a bit, and give AA a shot. It wouldn’t hurt to look at alternate plans, but stay focused on being sober, and getting at least some of Grad School under your belt.

I know we don’t know each other but FWIW, I’m very proud of you.

Just stopping by to wish you the best of luck. Have courage, and do what you need to do.

And don’t be afraid to talk about your experiences as they happen. It helps a lot of people.


Getting sober ain’t something you can do on a whim. You’ve got to commit to it, all out, no holding back. You may fuck up a time or several times along the way. Might be the hardest thing you’ve ever done. But it’s worth it. And you CAN do it, if you want it bad enough.

I don’t know how old you are, but most grad students aren’t old enough to have their lives disappear in a bottle. So things probably aren’t all that bad. It sounds like grad school is your problem, and you need to find something to do with your life that doesn’t contribute to your problem. If you can, find a physician who deals with addiction disorders. If you don’t have 30 years of overindulgence under your belt you shouldn’t have that difficult of a time getting sober. AA and similar programs may just depress you more, and your problem may not be as severe as theirs. You should follow the recommendation of someone who has experience with a case like yours. Good luck.

I’m proud of you, as well, for recognizing the problem and reaching out for help. Keep after that sobriety! I just kicked a 7-year opiate addiction back in March, and I’ve never felt better. Ever. Mind and body are both clearer and healthier, and I actually enjoy life more now sober, than I ever did, high.

You can make some good friends in AA, and build a good support network. It’s not for everyone, though, so don’t be disappointed if it doesn’t seem to work for you after an earnest attempt at it.

Oh, and not to be glib, but if your girlfriend dumps you because you’re admitting to alcoholism and trying to get sober, then she wasn’t worth having anyway, no matter how much you loved each other. Sorry, but it’s the truth.

Best wishes.

She can’t be with an alcoholic? If she’s so sensitive to alcoholism, why didn’t she figure out you have a problem without having to be told? I second Cyningablod’s last paragraph.


QtM, a physician who deals with addiction disorders. Especially with patients who have been drinking much less than 30 years but can’t stop even to stay out of prison.

PS. Good luck to the OP. AA can and does help a lot of folks. That or other mutual help groups are key. Peer support (other folks with addiction problems working to get better) is critical.

I would say its important you came to terms with your addiction and told your girlfriend. I don’t know your girlfriend from Eve, but I would guess she wouldn’t just arbitrarily dump you on the admittal- after all, even before you admitted it, I’m sure she had to know you had drinking/addiction issues. In that case, admitting it HELPS your position.

Taking ownership of our problems is really important in life. I hope the best for you and your girlfriend, but know that you’ve taken a very big first step already.

That’s why I recommended a physician who deals with this sort of thing. I’ve knew someone who thought they were seriously substance addicted at a young age, but like the OP, turned out to have other problems, and the substance abuse was a minor symptom. Hopefully the OP falls in that category. Wouldn’t you want to clarify that before recommending treatment?

It was your assertion that less than 3 decades of alcohol abuse meant an easy time giving up drinking that I took exception to.

Ok, I didn’t mean to make an exact equivalence there. Just trying to point out the less dark side for the OP.

I’m not going to agree with piling on the girlfriend; she has just had her rug pulled out from under her. She has to make the best decisions she can for her life, too, and that might not include staying with the OP.

I wish you and your girlfriend all the best, OneMissedPost; I hope you get to someplace where you’re both happy.


I told her and we kind of had a dramatic night. It resulted in her crying in my arms for a little bit. She told me she wants me to be happy and doesn’t like seeing me depressed. Needless to say, we are still together.

We ended up getting nachos from Sheetz and watching “Friends.” I am going to do what I can to be sober.

I found some great resources online, but I don’t think that is enough. I’m going to look for AA meetings in my area and get a sponsor. I will tackle this one step at a time. I’ve failed a lot, but I’m going to stick with it this time for myself and for those who care about me.

I just hope it’s not too late to get things back on track. And I pray that I haven’t hit rock bottom. At least, if I hit rock bottom, there will be nowhere else to fall and I can only improve.

OneMissedPost, maybe Quadrop could help you locate a specialist in your area to talk to. You don’t sound at all like you’ve hit rock bottom (for instance you are in grad school and have a girlfriend). And you seem to be aware of your problem, and want to make a change. So (and this is not a professional opinion) it is not the worst case I’ve ever heard of by a long shot, and you sound like your prospects for success are much better than many others.

As many recovering and ex-addicts (myself among them) and addiction-medicine professionals will tell you, the “hitting rock bottom” thing is largely a myth, and a detrimental one, at that. It can easily perpetuate a mindset of “Well, I’m not divorced/in jail/dead yet…I can keep partying a little longer.” People do not have to “hit rock bottom” before choosing to turn things around. Nor should they. You yourself are proof of that (as am I). We both recognized our problems and took appropriate steps to deal with them.

So stop thinking in terms of there being a “rock bottom” out there somewhere. Please don’t worry about it being “too late to get things back on track.” It never is, as long as there is breath within you. :slight_smile:

Wishing you the best.

Just wanted to mention that, for some, AA can be a bit too religious. If that is an issue for you, you might try to find an atheist AA group.

There is also a different way of recovery thinking out there called Rational Recovery. No idea if they are better/worse/same than AA, but I thought I’d throw it out there if your first few AA experiences don’t seem to be what they’re cracked up to be. For you. Just sayin’, there’s more than one way to get sober. YMMV

Best of luck to you!