Advice Column

I’ve noticed a lot of advice seeking/receiving on this board, so let’s just make a thread of it. Let’s do it like this:
First, give advice to the previous poster. Then, ask for some. Since I’m starting, I’ll throw out a random piece of advice to begin.
1.Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the pig.

2.Where are some good places for a 41yr-old guy to meet women?
I mean other than work, bars, churches, and grocery stores.

please hurry…Sunday’s my only day off

Have you ever considered a personal ad? They can work if you write a good ad that makes it clear who you are and what you are looking for.

Also, you can meet people via chat on IRC. I met my husband that way, and I have to say, it was a godsend. While you will run into a good amount of flakes, there are real people on there who might be looking for the exact same thing that you are.

I work in a library and get hit on all the time. I have gone on several dates with 40-something men I met at the library. Also, dance lesson usually feature 5 women to every man. A man who can dance does not stay single long. Swing is fun.
Now. Advise me. How far in advance does my ex-husband, with whom I share custody of our teens, need to know I plan to marry my SO next year? My ex is not a very trustworthy person and reality isn’t his favorite thing. After 5 years of divorce he has been overheard to say he thinks I’ll be back when I “get this out of my system”?

Cyn, I’d tell him ASAP. Give him a chance to get used to the idea so that he doesn’t ruin your wedding or something. Equally, it would be horrible for if one of the kids accidently let it slip. Relay it as information that he should know, not because it’s his business, but because you want to keep him in the loop as far as your kids’ home is concerned.

TN: I work at a video store. And people are constantly meeting each other there. Hang out by your favorite section, drop interesting tid bits. It works.

My turn:
Is it wise to explore the possibility of a relationship with your good friend…who happens to be your boss? We’ve fooled around, but never talked about it afterward. That was months ago, and at the moment neither of us are seeing anyone. I could go for a summer thing. But if it ruined our friendship, that would suck. I’m thinking about leaving the job, anyway, so that’s not an issue. What to do?

I think you should go for it. I have been going through similar relations with my dearest friend, and so far, so good. I think that if you keep emotions, like love, held back, then the standing friendship you have could turn out for the worst.

Me me me!!!
I am graduating from high shool next year, and I am thinking about going to MIT. I am sure I could make it in, but I am not sure if I would actually enjoy my stay there. I am absolutely in love with computers, and have been so for several years now, and I am really big into programming and stuff. I just don’t enjoy math very much. I can handle it, but I don’t like it. Will that be a problem going in there?

I usually advise against doing something you don’t like.
However, you are young and still searching. No decision is permanent, except maybe suicide.
Go for it, or you will regret not having tried.
How do I break the insidious habit of procrastination?

Well, I’ve got ADD, which is like clinical level procrastination. I’ve done several things. At work I’ve kept a to-do list that comes up automatically when I start the system for the day, and I’ve made lists of things to do at home. This helps because
a) often when the time comes to do something, I can’t remember what needs to be done
b) it somewhat helps me to be mentally ready to do things I don’t like to do
c) crossing items off a list is a reward

I plan my days off a day or two in advance.

Also at home, I keep a timer and set it for a certain number of minutes, then I will work on one room for that time period and when the timer goes off, I quit (even if I hadn’t quite finished) This helps with my tendency to an ADD infinite loop problem, and keeps me from getting over-whelmed with a task.

(Also for your first question, the usual answer is get involved in an organization centered on something you love - but that’s why you’re here, isn’t it :wink: )

I recommend that just before you get started on any of these projects that you’ve been procrastinating over, you give the SDMB a cursory glance to see if there are any new posts on your thread. If you’re lucky three hours later the project will most likely have taken care of itself.

er… on second thought, don’t do that. Make a list or two like Zyada said. Then get off your ass and sign up for those dancing lessons.

Advice for me?: The SO has said in the past that she would like me to hit the gym and put on a few pounds. I don’t think I’m that skinny and it seems like a waste of time to me. Should I listen to her or just forget about it. I’m sure that the relationship is not at stake over this.

Just how slim are you? A few pounds shy of average ht/wt ratio, or skin’n’bones? If you do decide to get more exercise, find something you enjoy doing…don’t make it a chore or resentments may develop.
Anybody know anything about getting short stories published? Not that mine are ready for publication, but I’m toying with the idea.

Evnglion: If you are really big into programming already, it probably means you already do some… yes? You will probably pick out the mathematical things you need the most.

In truth, a good math background is great for a programmer. And if you decide to go for a Computer Science degree, you will probably have to take a few courses that are more on the theoretical side (involving more mathematical concepts, and possibly some proofs) – Theory of Computation, Analysis of Algorithms, and such.

Some of the math concepts that would help more than others would be Boolean logic, functions, and recursion – since all of these show up frequently in programs that you would write. But you don’t have to be a math expert to succeed in programming, by any means.

TN: Cyn is right - dance lessons! Any kind of partner dancing – ballroom, country, swing, latin. It’s best to find not just somewhere that teaches moves, but also good technique and lead/follow. A man who knows how to lead well will be in great demand at clubs that have partner dancing.

Monstre <— knows how to lead :slight_smile: